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schedule
June 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
A lot of your dialogue, in particular the Albus and Sage argument, is complelty useless. You repeat yourself, you stuff a lot into those paragraphs which should have been stretched out over several chapters. You must capitalize the first letter of every name, it detracts from the tory when you don't.
Why is Sage not in Japan? He is Japanese, not british. While he most likely has some non-Japanese relatives, his home is still in Japan.
Why is Sage not in Japan? He is Japanese, not british. While he most likely has some non-Japanese relatives, his home is still in Japan.
schedule
October 5, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I really liked your story and hope that you will continue it soon!!!!
schedule
May 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
FREAKIN\' HELL! U HAVE TO UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!
schedule
April 14, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I\'m really glad you are doing this story. and I can\'t wait for the other roinins show up. But may I sujest something. Get a Beta reader. or at least some one to give you sujestions. You repeat things a lot and there are small things wrong to. I\'d be glad to help, or even try to find some one for you.