rate_review Reviews

you flmrz is mean sons of bitches

1.)ive seen worse on this site

2.) it took me hours to find out the japanese names

3.)you can get a beta to fix the spelling errors

4.)the only problem that is really that difficult to fix;the length of the story(i'm not that good at that myself)use adjectives, draw it out(try to get it to at least 2 or 3 orgasms)

,

Hey man.

I am not going to flame you... just a little bit of advice.

Take your time. I suggest to rewrite it. Add some good descriptions and such, really get into the thing. I know just how to do it, if this was my story I could expand this into one hell of a story. I nevr tried to write a Tokyo Mew Mew fic... I just might have to.

Keep trying. I belive that you have something, just repost it and let your perverted little fantasy run amuck... trust me it will run amuck!

Read some of mine, or others- just get into the spirit of it all.

Good luck, mate!

First of all, people dont just come out of the closet "just like that!" plus, even if they did, nobody would be willing to just , get into bed with someone so randomly. Hell that wasnt even a fic it was just a whole bunch of word's placed together to form some kind of paragraph. As my english teacher would say "Where is the main idea of this? It's pointless drabble" don't bother writing a fic if you can't make a even more then just one semi-medium sized paragraph. Also learn how to make what people call "Detail's" A story containing shojo-ai(yuri) that doesn't have good detail's is just pointless. People who like shojo-ai and read it for it's hot-ness, would'nt like this. Come on if all you're gonna do is put in a a small sentence about something that would usually be so hot, and make it so small and pathetic, then don't write about it.

In other words..THIS FIC SUCKED!!

Next time you write a fic about yuri, read some other fics. That way, you'll be able to see how real writer's write yuri fics.
Hopefully, if you do, it might actually be a good fic.

If that ever happened to me with a guy, then I would be really UPSET if someone walked in knowing I did something with somone. Anyway, that's all, make another story, but longer like this!!

h

pp for your tt

j

I LIKE IT A LOT