schedule
August 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
let me start off with saying that you have a good idea as to a plot. however, your writing definitely needs work... lots of work... your story is extremely hard to understand. your grammar is lacking to the point where i need to read through a sentence twice just to understand what you are trying to say. your writing is also extremely choppy, your movement from scene to scene and action to action abrupt and confusing. i think having your work go through a person or two (beta reader, editor, whatever you want to call it) before posting it would be very helpful.