rate_review Reviews

How do I find words to discribe what I have just read? That anyone could ever put another human being (or animal for that matter) through such misery is horrifying to fathom. I do not believe that I would have the courage or strength to live had I had gone through what that little girl had gone through. This is the reason why I could never be a police officer. What if I was to answer a call, only to come across a scene such as discribed in this story. I would not be able to handle it. I pray for the day that no one has to suffer like that any more.

I understand how hard it is to communicate trauma on paper, and you have some strong descriptions that are vivid and extremely painful. Ritualistic abuse in this form is almost unexplainable for those who have never experienced and also quite unimaginable, but you have to understand that though your words carry a lot of meaning for you, they may not communicate with the same power to others. What I mean is that you should try experimenting with figurative languange and other tools, and try improving your dialogue. The dialogue is the most disjointed part of the story, because it is hard to follow and hard at times to understand. Their sentences are short, inexplicit and confusing. The characters don't seem to express themselves in a way that's fully understandable, and the pace of the fic is very sporadic. Why am I saying this? I know this sounds harsh, but I've always reviewed with sincerity and in detail those fics that I consider have a lot of potential. Your writing has a power in it that is not present in most authors. Let this power evolve. I recommend researching how other authors write about trauma and then find your own style. That's the main problem I see with your writing: it has power, but not a style. It has the vivid the descriptions, but right now, they're still just sentences. Word choice is important and so is sentence structure. You'll find that writing is more empowering when you know that the feelings of the characters actually reach your audience. I want to encourage more writing like this, because this world needs it. It needs truth, and it needs to see the suffering that is pervasive all around us. So keep going, but let your writing evolve.

Recommendations: War novels and poetry a lot of times deal with trauma in ways that can apply to this. Research some of the war literature out there, particularly by women and those that deal with PTSD. A lot of the writers out there have that unapologetic, harsh, and truthful tone I see in this fic. That is a way to read about trauma without it perhas stirring some of your own dark memories.

Oh, goodness...
=Weeps=
Poor Hotaru...
Poor you...
Poor other kids and animals having to go through this...!

............okay..... Creepy, very creepy.........