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September 23, 2006 at 12:00 AM
please come with next chapter
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November 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
how can you just stop a chapter that way ahhhhhhhhh!! PLEASE please write more soon! I love the story so fare and cant wait to read more!!!
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September 19, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Its a good start for your fic. I like the premise and it is flowing well so far. Constructive criticism: Running spell check and rereading for typos would really improve your writing.. also slightly longer chapters would also help. Overall its not bad, thanks for posting!
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September 17, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Haven\'t read the story, but you need to fix your punctuations. Get a beta! ^^ Cheers!
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September 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
yay im happy that someone actually read it ( jumps around) i m sorry about the mistakes but im happy tHat you guys are willing to help me thankyou soo much . btw i promis to update soon and put in a lot of yuki/shu action
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September 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
please update soon i cant wait to see what happens although its probaly yuki i cant wait
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September 14, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Yeah... I like this fic but it needs work. Alot.
I\'m bored and willing to help so if you\'d like just send me an e-mail and I\'ll beta for you. ^-~ I\'m only here to help a you out okay~?
~Midnight
I\'m bored and willing to help so if you\'d like just send me an e-mail and I\'ll beta for you. ^-~ I\'m only here to help a you out okay~?
~Midnight
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September 13, 2005 at 12:00 AM
oh ho ho ho ho~ i wish Shu1 become Eiri\'s personal strip dancer in the future, I LOVE EIRIXSHU!! update soon, ur fic rocks! i want loads of EiriXShu in the future chappies, write more! i want more~
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September 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
It\'s really hard to read it like that and your grammar needs some work. It\'s a good story line, but you just need to work on detail and such. Having your dialogue without \"these\" or something is confusing to the reader as well as some of the run on sentences.
Sorry if this sounds harsh or anything, but just trying to help you out. I do like the story line and I am intruiged by it, so I will look for the next chapter, but I do hope it\'ll improve grammar and detail wise.
--Dhampir
Sorry if this sounds harsh or anything, but just trying to help you out. I do like the story line and I am intruiged by it, so I will look for the next chapter, but I do hope it\'ll improve grammar and detail wise.
--Dhampir
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September 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
actually you have a pretty good idea for this fic but it\'s badly written. I suggest that you get a beta reader. One major mistake that you did was not placing quotation marks for the dialogues. Please do so.