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schedule
October 27, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I\'d like to learn more! keep on writing!!
schedule
September 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I Hate you so much *kidding* what is up with yuk? I love shu\'s outfit, and change please please update soon please update soon please update soon update soon update soon update soon please update soon please update soon please update soon please update soon *puppy dog eyes* *puppy dog eyes* *puppy dog eyes*
schedule
September 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
UPDATE NOW!!!!! GET ON YOUR STINKIN COMPUTER AND WRITE!!!!!!!!
thank you and have a nice day........
thank you and have a nice day........
schedule
September 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
the story seems to have some potential.. Interesting idea of Shu going punk and Yuki being in charge... Please use correct english in your author notes it really takes away from your credibility. Otherwise good start, looking forward to the rest!
schedule
September 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Oh! I\'d love to read more! It\'s interesting
schedule
September 17, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Good story so far. I would like to see a few flashbacks, mainly to see why Suichi changed and what happened between him and Yuki. I also hope there\'s more between Yuki and Suichi than just a passing, but if not that\'s cool too. As long as a different pairing can be made somewhat realistic, it\'s great.
Hope to see more of this story.
Shinigami2278
Hope to see more of this story.
Shinigami2278
schedule
September 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
First thing, whenever you post something to any public archive, always check that the story posted properly. The first chapter is one giant paragraph and, were it not so short (too short to really be called a \'chapter\') it would be impossible to read. The second chapter is spaced rather oddly and there\'s no way to tell where one paragraph begins and another ends. Again, this severely impacts the readability of the story.
Secondly, please review how to use punctuation - specifically the apostrophe.
When using contractions, an apostrophe must be used. The contracted form of \'I will\' is \' I\'ll \', not \'Ill\' and the contracted form of \'it is\' is \' it\'s \' not \'its\'. There are numerous mistakes of this nature throughout the story.
Proper names and places should always have the first letter capitalized. This rule is applied the same whether the name comes at the beginning of a sentence or within the sentence. And the first word of a new sentence should always be capitalized.
As far as spelling goes, it\'s pretty decent. There are a couple of mistakes, but they\'re minor and hardly worth mentioning. Good job.
Fixing up the formatting issues will go a long way to making your story better. But don\'t ignore the other technical issues.
Secondly, please review how to use punctuation - specifically the apostrophe.
When using contractions, an apostrophe must be used. The contracted form of \'I will\' is \' I\'ll \', not \'Ill\' and the contracted form of \'it is\' is \' it\'s \' not \'its\'. There are numerous mistakes of this nature throughout the story.
Proper names and places should always have the first letter capitalized. This rule is applied the same whether the name comes at the beginning of a sentence or within the sentence. And the first word of a new sentence should always be capitalized.
As far as spelling goes, it\'s pretty decent. There are a couple of mistakes, but they\'re minor and hardly worth mentioning. Good job.
Fixing up the formatting issues will go a long way to making your story better. But don\'t ignore the other technical issues.