rate_review Reviews

I don't get it......

This is a very nice story. I loved it very much but I have to wonder if this site has an alert section so I can put it in alert when you update.

This ff is soooooo cute
I did like it
really ^^

Ooooh, I hope you WILL write a sequel. I am very anxious because I'm not really satisfied, to be completely honest. But I did enjoy the fic AND the sex part nonetheless. So please, please, PLEASE write a sequel. I hate being put on a cliffhanger and then finding out that the author didn't/won't finish their wonderful work. I have at least three of that, including the manga series itself.

Once again, please continue whenever you can. Just don't forget, okay?

NOOOO!!!! That\'s so depressing! If I were Tsuzuki, I\'d do something horrid and either free him or get myself put in with him... They were just so cute toghether!

^_^ Very good so far. Can\'t wait to read more. Update soon.

it was good, i really liked it. I only have one problem with it....
Tsuzuki did have a sister, but it was an older sister, and her name was Ruka.
The is my only critizium. update soon! (there better be more!) Ja ne!

Well, this story certain promises to be interesting, and I did enjoy it, but I feel the need to point out a few errors you made that had me cringing. If they were to be fixed, I think your story would be greatly improved. I don\'t mean to be insulting, just helpful, so I hope you won\'t take a little constructive criticism the wrong way. First, you should capitalize the first letter of a sentence only, not the first letter of every line -- that\'s just really confusing. Seeing things capitalized that shouldn\'t be really threw off my concentration, which prevented me from fully enjoying what I was reading. Second, you should decide whether you want the narration to use the second person \"you\" (which I don\'t recommend, unless you really know what you\'re doing) or the third person \"he\" when you refer to Muraki. Jumping from one to the other disrupts the flow of the story. Other than that, I can\'t say that I noticed any other major errors. I honestly hope these pointers were of use to you and didn\'t just annoy you. I really did enjoy what I\'ve read thus far and I look forward to reading more. If you would like a beta, I would be happy to offer any assistance -- not that I\'m the best writer myself, but an outsider\'s view is always nice, I find (that\'s what I use my room-mate for! ^_^). Good luck!

Very interesting. Your doing a good job with the first person view. Can\'t wait to read more of your story.