rate_review Reviews

great story until the ending. trite, very trite.

NOOOOOO damnit you cant fucking walk away from this story, not when it has so much going for it.

Are you going to be making a chapter two or no?

that was a hot start can't wait for more

Very nice! An excellent KeitaroShinobu fic.

That was a wonderful fic- absolutely perfect. A blend of good writing and a hot scene, you really know what you're doing here! Many of the authors here could learn a lot from you. I'll look forward to more by this author!

where to start? where to start? Okay. First of all, I would like you to know that I did enjoy the plot; I love it when Shinobu gets Keitaro because it rarely happens. However, your grammar and literacy are amateur at best. One thing that pissed me off in this fic is that you referred to the "morning-after pill" as the "after the morning pill." Come on, man, at least command a little bit of knowledge about your subject matter. Next, your wording seemed redundant. It seemed like you were taking a stab in the dark with your wording because you really made it uncomfortable to read. I do like it when people use metaphors instead of absolutly out of character words. For example, if it were a Motoko/Keitaro story, and the author made a Motoko dialogue saying "Oh...I love the way his cock feels in my throbbing pussy" then I would immediatly discontinue reading the story because it's bullshit. It is completely out of character for Motoko to say "cock" much less refer to her own vagina as a "throbbing pussy." Just try to stay in character and all will be fine. Now, I hear fellow critics say that virgins cannot create good romance fiction, simply because they have not truly experienced sex and cannot accurately describe it. To me, that statement is complete bullshit as one of my closest friends is a virgin and writes the most kick ass Neon Genesis fics. that I have ever read. From personal experience, I would have to say that anything felt during sex can be described accurately with enough research by means of arrogant friends. Sex is overrated anyway. Guys will throw away every last ounce of dignity they possess for any chance for some tail. So anyway, I saw that this is your first fic. and it was a great effort. Just keep up the work and it will come to you one day. My first fic. got flamed for weeks because it sucked so bad but I got great at it. Anyway, I'm going to watch The Boondocks so ... I'm out.

damn... I have trouble believing that was your fist lemon. you must have read a lot of others before writing this then, coz this is fuckingawesome!! I can\'t even stand up!! Great job--make every lemon JUST LIKE THAT. And brilliant touch with the Space Shuttle discovery, that just made is SO Love Hina. Great job over all.

nice job Bigfics and I saw it on fanfiction too and I like it.

Good story. I also recall this one from FFnet. As for a 1st lemon it is a good one. Keep up the good work.