schedule
February 12, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Hello! Your story has a very promising plot, but I thought I would give you some pointers on grammar....because your grammer is not very good(sorry).
So, first I will give you part of your story and correct it:
Original: Kyo knows that by taking the proposition, he's succumb to Akito's will. He realize that it will change all his life, now he's tied to the agreement, tied to Hatori. But taking the proposition also the only way he knows that can make him escape the fate of being lock away, the only way he knows to keep his freedom. By taking this agreement he doesn't have to be lock in cage like some animal. He can go to college, he can hang around with Tohru. Akito even going to let him to have job after college. This couldn't be bad.
Corrected: Kyo knows that by taking the proposition, he's succumbing to Akito's will. He realizes that it will change his entire life, now that he's tied to the agreement, tied to Hatori. But taking the proposition is the only way he knows that can help him escape the fate of being locked away, the only way he knows to keep his freedom. By taking this agreement he doesn't have to be locked in cage like some animal. He can go to college, he can hang around with Tohru. Akito is even going to let him to have a job after college. This couldn't be bad.
I think the main thing you have to study about grammar is the tenses in a sentence. For instance, you use present tense when you should really be using a form of past tense. Either learn how to fix that, or find a beta... good luck.
So, first I will give you part of your story and correct it:
Original: Kyo knows that by taking the proposition, he's succumb to Akito's will. He realize that it will change all his life, now he's tied to the agreement, tied to Hatori. But taking the proposition also the only way he knows that can make him escape the fate of being lock away, the only way he knows to keep his freedom. By taking this agreement he doesn't have to be lock in cage like some animal. He can go to college, he can hang around with Tohru. Akito even going to let him to have job after college. This couldn't be bad.
Corrected: Kyo knows that by taking the proposition, he's succumbing to Akito's will. He realizes that it will change his entire life, now that he's tied to the agreement, tied to Hatori. But taking the proposition is the only way he knows that can help him escape the fate of being locked away, the only way he knows to keep his freedom. By taking this agreement he doesn't have to be locked in cage like some animal. He can go to college, he can hang around with Tohru. Akito is even going to let him to have a job after college. This couldn't be bad.
I think the main thing you have to study about grammar is the tenses in a sentence. For instance, you use present tense when you should really be using a form of past tense. Either learn how to fix that, or find a beta... good luck.
schedule
February 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM
this is a great story, i'm assuming you're the same author with this on fanfiction.net? i'm glad that fanfiction dot net has 6 chapters and i hope you will hurry and update it very soon.
schedule
January 31, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Ummm....I do like the story but the grammatical errors are detracting from the story itself. SO! I HAVE AN OFFER! I'm a grammar-freak so I can help you with that if you want! :D Cuz I really do like your story!
schedule
January 31, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I'm so confused about the second proposition! OMG! WHAT DOES AKITO HAVE UP HIS SLEEVE!? Please, update as soon as possible! I enjoy this story immensely! And the little a/n at the bottom hehe that was awesome! 'Do I look like a girl?!' ...yes...
schedule
October 5, 2006 at 12:00 AM
:D!!!
schedule
September 15, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Kyo living with Tori, ya gotta love that. Really need to read the rest, plz, plz, pretty plz continue it.
schedule
February 4, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Not bad so far, I look forward to seeing how chapter three turns out so please update soon!
schedule
December 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Your grammer needs some work..but the story plot is alright...
schedule
December 6, 2005 at 12:00 AM
This is getting better and better..heheh...i really like this, update please!!
schedule
November 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
something's up....it couldn't be that easy like kyo just said, and i can't wait to find out what it is. update again soon!