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July 19, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hawker, you did not just set a new standard for this pairing. What you did was to set a new standard for Love Hina stories, period! This is an example of how to write a fic without having to be jumping around through multiple viewpoints to tell the story.
Well done again!
Well done again!
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July 12, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Man its been awhile since i started reading this again now that its finished and might i dear say ITS GREAT ITS PERFECT ITS AWESOMEEEE!!!! and yet very tearfuk and alot of angst which made it all good in the end sad that it ended like that but it was great no matter what good job man
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July 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Man that last "To Be Continued" felt like a slap in the face...not that I hold it against you at all.
I like the insight into the characters emotions a lot. Although it does make the story seem rather introverted (not much is going on) it does give amazing insight on what the character is feeling at the moment. You make the story intresting by adding great desciptions and visual wording, to the point that I feel like I'm reading first hand experiences (I have a feeling you either actually have cut down a tree, or put a lot of thought into how it would actually be like, because your the only author I have seen come close to how it actually is).
Suspense is really getting me edgy while I read, and I'm hoping a climax is coming soon because I am getting a little too nervous when I read. Each time I see a "To Be Continued", I am afraid that you have lost your muse and will no longer be making any more. If that ever becomes the case I hope you will post a summary about what would have happend. Other than that, the only critique I have is the lack of any point of view switches. While it brings mystery into what the other characters are feeling, and adds suspense into the outcome of the story (since we don't know what Tsuruko feels for Keitaro), it also makes the story less complex because we can only interpret actions from one point of view. While I still like your way, I would have also enjoyed a story that switched between Keitaro and Tsuruko.
I have to say that I was pleased to find this fanfic. When I got passed the first chapter I figured it was going to be some cliche harem (ok maybe I was a little dissappointed it wasn't :sweatdrop:), but was suprised to see that what began as something as interchangeble as a one-night stand, blossom into a suspenseful, nail bitting, journey through the mind of someone both guilty and pleased by an event that was not completely under their control. I am honored to be able to read your work, and hope that you will continue to delight my imagination with your writings.
I like the insight into the characters emotions a lot. Although it does make the story seem rather introverted (not much is going on) it does give amazing insight on what the character is feeling at the moment. You make the story intresting by adding great desciptions and visual wording, to the point that I feel like I'm reading first hand experiences (I have a feeling you either actually have cut down a tree, or put a lot of thought into how it would actually be like, because your the only author I have seen come close to how it actually is).
Suspense is really getting me edgy while I read, and I'm hoping a climax is coming soon because I am getting a little too nervous when I read. Each time I see a "To Be Continued", I am afraid that you have lost your muse and will no longer be making any more. If that ever becomes the case I hope you will post a summary about what would have happend. Other than that, the only critique I have is the lack of any point of view switches. While it brings mystery into what the other characters are feeling, and adds suspense into the outcome of the story (since we don't know what Tsuruko feels for Keitaro), it also makes the story less complex because we can only interpret actions from one point of view. While I still like your way, I would have also enjoyed a story that switched between Keitaro and Tsuruko.
I have to say that I was pleased to find this fanfic. When I got passed the first chapter I figured it was going to be some cliche harem (ok maybe I was a little dissappointed it wasn't :sweatdrop:), but was suprised to see that what began as something as interchangeble as a one-night stand, blossom into a suspenseful, nail bitting, journey through the mind of someone both guilty and pleased by an event that was not completely under their control. I am honored to be able to read your work, and hope that you will continue to delight my imagination with your writings.
schedule
February 12, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Great story! definitely an unusual pairing- but that tends to make it more interesting, honestly. You did a great job describing a sort of 'just happened' encounter, I don't believe it to be an excuse either but at the same time I know it exists. It's not an excuse, but an honest reason in rare cases like this.
Starting to wonder if Tsuruko is going to let her husband get away with such a thing... she said not to hurt him, wouldn't emotionally count just as much? Especially considering that's what started the whole thing!
Poor Keitaro. He always gets the brunt of everything, and he doesn't deserve that. Awesome job on the first-chapter lemon though, even if it brought more problems for now, he deserved to have a good first experience. And that's the sort of thing we all wish would've happened for our first times.
Looking forward to the next update! Thanks! ^^ ~Kortir
Starting to wonder if Tsuruko is going to let her husband get away with such a thing... she said not to hurt him, wouldn't emotionally count just as much? Especially considering that's what started the whole thing!
Poor Keitaro. He always gets the brunt of everything, and he doesn't deserve that. Awesome job on the first-chapter lemon though, even if it brought more problems for now, he deserved to have a good first experience. And that's the sort of thing we all wish would've happened for our first times.
Looking forward to the next update! Thanks! ^^ ~Kortir
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February 4, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Impressive. Breathing life into Love Hina fictions, that's for sure! Toshio did do much more damage than he realizes yet. He gave that speech to Keitaro, yet he did what he would've done to his own wife. A reality check for Toshio is in order soon. :)
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January 31, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Ya know, it would be nice to finnaly see keitaro snap, use some of his own damaging words for once. Granted he'd feel like an asshole later because of it, but still I get sick of him allways getten pushed and beat around! Grrrrr. I blame the easter bunny...
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January 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Definitely got some good stuff here.
What you wrote - that was a twist I wasn't suspecting. And it was great. This story is slow, but filled with words to keep your throughts moving. Great job. I can't wait to see more.
Psychoanalysis FTW!
What you wrote - that was a twist I wasn't suspecting. And it was great. This story is slow, but filled with words to keep your throughts moving. Great job. I can't wait to see more.
Psychoanalysis FTW!
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January 28, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Great story. Keep up the great work.
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January 28, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Great story. Keep up the great work.
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January 28, 2006 at 12:00 AM
good chapter update soon.