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for My Paradise

by luckyVmeryl

schedule October 22, 2009 at 12:00 AM
There are tons of grammar and spelling mistakes. Did you not read through this after you finished? Find yourself a beta. Maybe they can help this.
person BlueVixen2071
schedule September 9, 2006 at 12:00 AM
How sweet! :) I thought that I'd already read this, but now I see that I was wrong! It's very good - and I love Hige/Blue! I also like Kiba/Blue, but you don't see that on here like...ever. ::sigh:: lol Wonderful job! ;0)
person Silent_Aura
schedule September 9, 2006 at 12:00 AM
That was very beautiful, especially the whole "paradise" bit even though I had a similar idea with my fic. :-) Cool beans, though, mate...awesome job! ^^
person Lazy wolf
schedule August 26, 2006 at 12:00 AM
another new author...but you actually show some talent. Keep publishing stories, and I'll keep reviewing. Don't lose heart for lack of reveiws. Wolf's rain is not a heavily visited section due to the fact that after its' breif bout on 'adult swim', many lost interest, but it is one of my favorite sections. Remember never to stop writing, or rust will gather on your skill like flies to rotten meat.

Your skill will improve as you write, as everyone's does. I've been around a long time, since near the beginning of this site, and seen countless aspiring authors stop simply because they thought they lacked skill or lost hope. Keep up the good work, lucky.

The warmth in this story was wonderful, but you need to work on your OOC moments, if only slightly. Your space bar work is also slightly flawed, but other than that, it's good.

writing: 6/10
sex scene: 7.5/10
plot: 4/10
warmth: 7/10
Pairing: 9/10

overall review: add more detail, and you'll do well. Also, to improve warmth, remember that wolves 'tie' when they mate, bonding them together for about ten to fifteen minutes if they don't attempt to 'disengage' themselves. They also mate for life. Don't worry about the low plot score, this was a one-shot, steamy sex scene, which usually are not meant for plot.

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