rate_review Reviews

Moving this piece of shit from FF to AFF is NOT going to improve it. You were told by HOW MANY (30+) people on FF that this isn't possible? Instead of taking constructive and well thought out criticism and LEARNING from it, you called it a flame and totally disregarded everything. Well, you got good constructive criticism from me last time. I see now that you are too stubborn or too stupid to learn from something like that.

You didn't learn when fetish practitioners told you. You didn't learn when SMBD practitioners told you. You didn't learn when yaoi fans and every one else on FF told you. DO SOME CHECKING ON ANATOMY before you write GARBAGE like this.

When you SLAPPED this trite crap up on this board and did you think that it would go over better? This is wear the BIG GIRLS go to play with the boys. Know your shit before you post here. We have high expectations on this board and lately the influx of FF CHILDREN has turned away some of our best talent.

Now, I'm pissed. Stay the hell off AFF until you're old enough to read the crap that you're writing. YOU'RE KILLING THE REPUTATION OF THIS BOARD with shit like this.

STOP IT NOW ya fucking FF fanbrat!

If you want people to be kind then try writing something that's worth a postive review. You admit to posting this on FF shouldn't the reply there be some CLUE that something is TERRIBLY wrong with this? Have you ever tried BDSM? Have you ever had sex at all? Have you ever looked up anatomy? Did you do any kind of research on how two men have sex?

Grow up and get of legal age before you come here.

The urethra is the opening through which urine (on males and females) passes as well as ejaculate (in men) passes. If you've ever had a catheter, that's the where you just had a penis put into someone's body.

Yes, there's a fetish for urethra insertion and they do not take something the size of cock – ever. You said the sex was near impossible. It's not near impossible. It's smack-dab in the middle of impossible.

You're trying to treat this as a kink and saying "demons are different" – they aren't THAT different. Why don't you write a REAL sex scene? Perhaps you'd do better if you would stop being so stubborn. In order to grow and improve you must listen to what people are trying to tell you.

You took this off FF for a reason. Why didn't you take the feedback (I read the feedback there and you got some amazing feedback that wasn't any where NEAR flame) and turn the story into something worthwhile?

Also, you have to be 18 to post and read on this board. Please, come back when you are of age.

E-mail me. The e-mail addy above is wrong. It's saiyuki_fan_fic@yahoo.com and we'll talk off board.

Anou...

Sorry if this may sound rude, but do you really know how men do 'it'?
Because in your story, there are some errors in the writing.
I wasn't sure if you just got some vocabulary mixed up, or if you really didn't know.
But other than that, it's alright. :P
Just some constructive criticism, that's all.

Mizuki: Please tell me that this was a joke and you'll have a second chapter that says "Gotchya! Here's the real one!" There isn't another chapter that's going to say that, is there? Everyone else has said it before me but I feel the need to... elaborate one some things than an average reader, like myself, thinks about when they read about another male's penis going into another penis. It's weird, it's disturbing and it makes us feel as though you have no idea what male sex is like. It makes me think that you consider it just like sex between a male and a female. The penis does not go in the front. It goes up the anal cavity and it will be enjoyable that way. Not up the... up the... you know what, I don't want to write it. Kuma cover your eyes!!!! Please go back to school and learn the male anatomy, it's much the same as demons... Kuma should know, he dated one hell of a fiesty beast back in High School. Oh, speaking of school, I get the distinct impression that you're not eighteen and I'd be highly suprised if you were. Oh, I'm attacking the author again... sorry. Um... Kuma wants to say a few words.

Kuma: I am a male and I cringed at that sex scene. Cringed. I hope, I hope to Zeus that when they went in that shower they didn't have sex like that again. By Kami did I pray. And also for Goku and Sanzo, I hope they didn't experience a similar fate. My loins ache just thinking about it...

Mizuki: You can stop now, go put some ice on that... A whole bag if you need to. Ahem. Well, I hope that you learned your lesson young lady. A penis is no place for a penis! God that sounded so weird... Um, don't stop writing, just keep on trying. But try not to write sex as of now. Develop the skill and then go from there. Start from the bottom and work your way up. That's the best way to go about it. So, as a last word of advice, a penis in a vagina = Heterosexual sex. A penis in the anal cavity = homosexual sex. A vagina in a... wel, you get the picture.

*Headdesk*

Ah, it's you again. Honey, listen, I know you really want people to read and like this story... But the sex is immpossible, and unbelievable to boot. One man's penis can not fit into a another, it's an anatomical fact.

I know they are demons, but Minekura has their anatomy nearly identical to humans. If you really want to say it's not, fine, but. May I point out Hakkai is not in demon form during this fic, but in human form? Human anatomy is NOT that... Stretchy is the only word I can think of, lol.

Heh, listen, I'm not trying to be cruel. But seriously sweetheart, it's immpossible. I also misht ask, if I may, how Hakkai came when there was a cock - a cock that is at least an inch in diameter, most likely more if Gojyo's swagger is anything to go by - was occupying the needed space? Also, I doubt Hakkai could be hard AND accept something so large into his urethra.

I'm all for BSDM, honey, but there is a limit to where pleasure turns into pain. That would be too much pain for anyone to be able to cum for, even if they do like pain.


All that aside, I'm afraid something else about the story seems slightly off. You need a bit more than just talking and the rare movement in the first part, otherwise most of your experienced readers will just click the back button thinking it's a bad story.

I'm sorry if I seem cruel to you, but you have to understand just how far physical limits can be stretched. No pun intended. Better luck next time, though, sweetie. ;) I'm sure the next try will be great if you listen to what your readers have to say.

OK, this was fun in the beginning. But it really lacks something in the first part. It's just a dialouge and nothing else. A story is more than two people talking. You have to write a bit about the surroundings and persons even if it's a PWP.

When I came to the sex part, I was like "WTF?? What does the author think? This is just messed up..." and I stopped reading. But then...an author can only be better if he/she knows what it's wrong with the writing. So I decided to finish reading it. The idea is good and fun. But the way you wrote it, no. The whole anatomy part is just...so off. Really, it's not fun. It's not hot. It's just, messed up.
Really, find out more a male body before you write something like this.
I really don't want to be mean, but I have to say it.

And Jamie is right. I like bdsm but the is a line between pain and pleasure.

If you don't want to be criticized, why post this online? Nothing wrong with writing whatever anatomically impossible disturbing kind of sex you want for yourself, but there's no need to inflict it on others. If you do, be prepared to deal with their reactions.

WTF!!! just one qusetion... how in the hell do you put one penis in annother??? you know what?? i decided to add more questions. How old are you? and have you even EVER had sex or even seen a dick? promise me One dick can not NOT fit into another no matter what they are cocks are cocks the cock slids into the Ass not the other persons dick. Learn the body parts. demon, human the body parts are the same!! two thing different. demons have pointy ears and can transform! now evrt thing else was ok and funny but it was just the sex sceen that ws just completely stupid. go back to writing fluff and sap no more sex sceens PLEASE!!
Demonskid