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October 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
The first three chapters were highly amusing to me, the second and third making me grin. There were a few points where I had to hold in my laughter. And, I must say, the fourth chapter made me view L and Raito in a different light. [Haha... 'Light'.]
In other words... 99% of it was very good! 1% of it made me a bit lost with a few spelling errors and a tiny bit of OOCness. Only a tiny tiny bit. Other than that, I marvel at your spectacular vocabulary and your incredible ability to write in L's point of view!
In other words... 99% of it was very good! 1% of it made me a bit lost with a few spelling errors and a tiny bit of OOCness. Only a tiny tiny bit. Other than that, I marvel at your spectacular vocabulary and your incredible ability to write in L's point of view!
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September 22, 2006 at 12:00 AM
PLEASE tell me there's more! I have to have more! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! I love this fic! I want more! I love that it was L's first time too. Hopefully next time Raito will get what he was dreaming of ^-^
PLEASE CONTINUE!
PLEASE CONTINUE!
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September 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
*swoons* Ah, Death Note. I just started reading this manga about a week ago, and I've fallen for it sooooo bad.
Anyways, as for a review, this is very nice. You've managed to write a very good fic, and despite the many places in which others may have been able to get too far-fetched or silly, this fic makes sense. The characters are very much in character, and the situations are very plausible. I also like how It's mostly L's point of view. His thought processes are always interesting to read about.
There were a few points in the story where a few lines were overused. "Liquid fire" was one, but I can't remember any others off the top of my head. Its a nice phrase, yes, but with your skill, I think you could manage some more diverse terminology. Good job, and Good Luck!
Anyways, as for a review, this is very nice. You've managed to write a very good fic, and despite the many places in which others may have been able to get too far-fetched or silly, this fic makes sense. The characters are very much in character, and the situations are very plausible. I also like how It's mostly L's point of view. His thought processes are always interesting to read about.
There were a few points in the story where a few lines were overused. "Liquid fire" was one, but I can't remember any others off the top of my head. Its a nice phrase, yes, but with your skill, I think you could manage some more diverse terminology. Good job, and Good Luck!
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September 9, 2006 at 12:00 AM
:D I'd just like to say that you are my HERO.
This story was made of win and HAWT. :3 And the characters were portrayed very well, too...
This story was made of win and HAWT. :3 And the characters were portrayed very well, too...
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September 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
*shaky sigh* That was amazing >.<. I don't think I've read a hotter smut scene in my life. I have to admit though, I really *really* like the first chapter. There's just something about the thought of Raito-kun dreaming about L *kyaa* that's incredibly arousing...
There aren't nearly enough deathnote fics (why?! Raito and L are made for each other!!!) *bows before Artemis-sama* so thanks v much for writing, you're work is fantastic ^^.
Great fic! Write more~ ^_^
There aren't nearly enough deathnote fics (why?! Raito and L are made for each other!!!) *bows before Artemis-sama* so thanks v much for writing, you're work is fantastic ^^.
Great fic! Write more~ ^_^
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August 29, 2006 at 12:00 AM
That was...hot. And I liked the first three chapters too, even if they weren't smut-filled. The interation between L and Raito was definately believable. It was so nice to read something so well written. So hurry up and post another story.
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August 23, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Well ... ... the first chapter defnitely WAS the best of all 4, till the end.
The lemon was kinda ... average ... too short ... too "normal", even a bit too fast appearing in the story.
In fact I missed the story ya know ... it started very exciting and ended like all the others ... the last chapter could probably have been a one shot, too.
^^ Though I enjoyed it, even being a bit disappointed, and I'm keen on reading your other DN FF! ;D
Maybe you were just a bit impatient this time?
Greetz, Zwifaltra
The lemon was kinda ... average ... too short ... too "normal", even a bit too fast appearing in the story.
In fact I missed the story ya know ... it started very exciting and ended like all the others ... the last chapter could probably have been a one shot, too.
^^ Though I enjoyed it, even being a bit disappointed, and I'm keen on reading your other DN FF! ;D
Maybe you were just a bit impatient this time?
Greetz, Zwifaltra
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August 22, 2006 at 12:00 AM
*.* WTF is this?
Aww! Was it your own intention to let the second chapter end in the middle of a sentence or was it just because this one was too long for AFF.net? Anyway - pleeeaaase continue! *_* Don't ya let us wait to long, will you? >.<
XD Btw, do these kind of homepages really exist?
\\^O^// Zwifaltra
Aww! Was it your own intention to let the second chapter end in the middle of a sentence or was it just because this one was too long for AFF.net? Anyway - pleeeaaase continue! *_* Don't ya let us wait to long, will you? >.<
XD Btw, do these kind of homepages really exist?
\\^O^// Zwifaltra
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August 12, 2006 at 12:00 AM
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OMG! I love this fic! So fucking hilarious! I love it and i SOOOO can't wait till you update it. Everything is so perfect. Keep it up.
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August 7, 2006 at 12:00 AM
OMG! *falls over laughing* Oh MY God! That was too good! " “This website says that okama especially like things put up their ass. Do YOU"? *ROFLMAO* That's great! OH! *sits up, wiping a tear from my eye* oh man...you have to continue! please? For the love of all that's good and smexy! *cute eyes*