schedule
September 25, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Don't stop writing. :( I don't write real reveiws until the story is finished, otherwise I feel as if I'm spamming, expecially in longer-chapter stories. I love this so far. :)
schedule
September 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Please, if you're going to include German in your story, try to get someone who knows the language to translate and don't use babelfish or something, it's terrible. If I, as a native speaker, see "sentences" that aren't even sentences and can't make out what it was supposed to mean, it doesn't make me want to read more.
Other than that, I think the first comment pretty much sums it all up.
Other than that, I think the first comment pretty much sums it all up.
schedule
September 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
oh please write more.
schedule
August 15, 2006 at 12:00 AM
God, it's on this site, also?!
Well, this moving rather slowly. I mean, if this is climax of the story, I would hate to see what the ending would be like. I know that most authors draw out their chapters to keep the readers "interested", but perhaps readers aren't interested in this kind of thing, so maybe you should stop now, while you're ahead. Not, that you're ahead by much.
But so far, it seems that this kind of thing has been done before. I mean, "Schwarz sent to assassinate them, Weiß to protect them. Who will win?" It's painfully obvious who will win. In stories like this, the good guys always win. They can't afford the death of a rock group, now, can they? Especially one that is "popular".
Another thing, it might also be good to keep the characters, IN (in character). People read fanfics because they like the characters the way they are. Seriously, if you're going to do stuff like that, at least *warn* the people. It's only fair.
One other thing, you need to be more descriptive about the beats to the songs. It's hard enough to image what the song would be like since it's already in German. Speaking of being descriptive, I think it would also be wise to explain what a character looks like, how they're feeling. And possibly, some time soon, I hope, that you explain fully what a "Natural" is. It might do something to help the plot here.
For a full raiting, I give you about half a star. It's all too obvious on what's going to happen next, and I'm sure people who read this review will agree with me. You need something to spice it up. You know, something like a sudden character death. I mean, instead of three chapters, I just read two chapters of crap, and it still didn't make me want to read more.
I'm sorry, but half a star it is. I doubt there is anything you can do to make this any better. To put it in layman's terms, this story is really weak. So, if you want people to review, I you had better do some improving, otherwise, you'll get nothing.
--Alexandria.
Well, this moving rather slowly. I mean, if this is climax of the story, I would hate to see what the ending would be like. I know that most authors draw out their chapters to keep the readers "interested", but perhaps readers aren't interested in this kind of thing, so maybe you should stop now, while you're ahead. Not, that you're ahead by much.
But so far, it seems that this kind of thing has been done before. I mean, "Schwarz sent to assassinate them, Weiß to protect them. Who will win?" It's painfully obvious who will win. In stories like this, the good guys always win. They can't afford the death of a rock group, now, can they? Especially one that is "popular".
Another thing, it might also be good to keep the characters, IN (in character). People read fanfics because they like the characters the way they are. Seriously, if you're going to do stuff like that, at least *warn* the people. It's only fair.
One other thing, you need to be more descriptive about the beats to the songs. It's hard enough to image what the song would be like since it's already in German. Speaking of being descriptive, I think it would also be wise to explain what a character looks like, how they're feeling. And possibly, some time soon, I hope, that you explain fully what a "Natural" is. It might do something to help the plot here.
For a full raiting, I give you about half a star. It's all too obvious on what's going to happen next, and I'm sure people who read this review will agree with me. You need something to spice it up. You know, something like a sudden character death. I mean, instead of three chapters, I just read two chapters of crap, and it still didn't make me want to read more.
I'm sorry, but half a star it is. I doubt there is anything you can do to make this any better. To put it in layman's terms, this story is really weak. So, if you want people to review, I you had better do some improving, otherwise, you'll get nothing.
--Alexandria.