rate_review Reviews

This story has real potential, it's kind of entertaining, but the constant "fan-girl" Japanese, if you will, is very distracting. I took Japanese in high school for four years and anyone who watches anime basically know what all the terms. And I've seen that you put that little guide at end--but it still doesn't stop the random Japanese from being incredible distracting. I could understand using -sempai, because it's a title, like some use 'sensei' in other anime fanfics (like Naruto for example) but the rest of it is very distracting. It might help in the future...if you're going to write a story in english, write it is enligsh--don't through in random Japanese words. That's just my opinion, of course, but it's just very distracting.

GAH! you tease!

I've been coming back everday almost to see if this fic is updated. Lol, I don't even read anything else on adultfanfiction.net except this one.

Huge fan of Mori, bigger fan apparently, of seductive/experienced/in control Mori.

*melts* please don't leave it here!

wow. that's is all i can say.

um.....could you plzzzzz write another chapter?
i wanna find out how naughty she is.

I enjoy this, but I have to say that the use of Japanese is distracting. It's far easier and often more articulate to say it in English. For me the tension breaks every time I run into a Japanese word because the idea of them transitioning between Japanese and English seems a little bit ludicrous. I feel like it should really be one or the other. Perhaps a personal preference, but I felt the need to say it.

Other than that I think that you've done a fine job so far. :D Keep it up.

you didn't really explain what "the stairway everyone is talking about" means. I suspect it's the stairway where students go to get it on, but would Mori take her to such an unrefined place? Wouldn't the teachers, or lecherous students, keep an eye on that stairwell if it were the case? or is it more like a "somebody should totally get it on in that stairwell" sorta thing, but they're the first to actually do it? or maybe something else, like the stairwell where that one kid fell from? thats my only bit of criticism, the actual lemon part was super hot and MorixHaruhi is one of my favorite OTPs. i hope you write more, cuz I'll read it.

I like the pairing, and I like the first chapter... anxiously awaiting more!

great couple love them so much.
Great story looking forward to the next chapter.
Q. is this story going to be long term to me it seems it could go the whole nine yards.

You might want to put in a disclaimer before the mods discover this. Overall, the story was nice. However, in one or two places it was hard to tell who was saying what.