schedule
December 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I see where you going with this story, and the idea isn't a bad one.
However, you need to sort out your speeling, puncutation and grammar. You need to relook over for all your missed captial letters and telling your readers to f*ck off is not going to endear anyone.
You nbeed to extend your writing a bit, add in details. Going for the five senses is a good one.
You would benefit from a beta reader most definately.
I would also question your age for posting on this site. You do know that this site is 18+, and your writing appears quite young in layout, spelling and style and lacks some maturity.
This is constructive criticism and I see the ideas in your head but your writing needs some work and care taken over it.
However, you need to sort out your speeling, puncutation and grammar. You need to relook over for all your missed captial letters and telling your readers to f*ck off is not going to endear anyone.
You nbeed to extend your writing a bit, add in details. Going for the five senses is a good one.
You would benefit from a beta reader most definately.
I would also question your age for posting on this site. You do know that this site is 18+, and your writing appears quite young in layout, spelling and style and lacks some maturity.
This is constructive criticism and I see the ideas in your head but your writing needs some work and care taken over it.
schedule
November 15, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Well I liked the fic very much. It was a cute little "wham..bam!". However, it felt a little "rushed" to me. It started out very well. Nice, and well described. But then, it felt like you got ahead of yourself. Sometimes it hard to get what you pictured in your mind, down on paper.
Slow down. Take a deep breath, and give well written "details". Write what you see in your mind. You also need to spell check your fic......there were a few mistakes. Read over your work to see if it makes sense to yourself. A few of your words were used out of content, or were just plain wrong. Etc..."smotherd" should be smothered. " havtta" is not a real word...it's more of a slang. Try staying away from slang words, or using a hyphenated words.
Other than that, I think it was very good for your first written sex scene. "Sometimes those pesky little scenes, are hard to get out of your head!"
Well done, and keep up with the work!
Slow down. Take a deep breath, and give well written "details". Write what you see in your mind. You also need to spell check your fic......there were a few mistakes. Read over your work to see if it makes sense to yourself. A few of your words were used out of content, or were just plain wrong. Etc..."smotherd" should be smothered. " havtta" is not a real word...it's more of a slang. Try staying away from slang words, or using a hyphenated words.
Other than that, I think it was very good for your first written sex scene. "Sometimes those pesky little scenes, are hard to get out of your head!"
Well done, and keep up with the work!
schedule
October 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I don't get it. How did that happen? It was just like: '_' - ^_^....^_^....^_^....;_;
I'm pretty sure you don't get what I mean by that so I'll explain. It was placid, placid and then bam! Sex, sex, sex (Though it could have been written better... Sex usually hurts, a lot, if you immediatly slam in with no preperation) and then sad, sad, sad. It was confusing and thrown together... I hope what I said made sense, lately it hasn't been... I have no idea why... Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read my review!
I'm pretty sure you don't get what I mean by that so I'll explain. It was placid, placid and then bam! Sex, sex, sex (Though it could have been written better... Sex usually hurts, a lot, if you immediatly slam in with no preperation) and then sad, sad, sad. It was confusing and thrown together... I hope what I said made sense, lately it hasn't been... I have no idea why... Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read my review!