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May 12, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This was good. I liked how you didn't go into "Buttsex is the answer!" like so many yaoi authors do. I don't have a problem with anal sex, but it does get kind of annoying when it's in every single yaoi fic.
I did feel like Kato was a bit OOC--that maybe he wouldn't be quite as weepy and innocent as he was in the first chapter. Then again, this was his first gay experience, so who knows? And I loved the way you portrayed his pissed off self in the second chapter.
Other than that, I think this was really well-written. You portrayed Kira excellently, the first chapter was sexy without being overdone, and you captured the emotions of the story very well.
I did feel like Kato was a bit OOC--that maybe he wouldn't be quite as weepy and innocent as he was in the first chapter. Then again, this was his first gay experience, so who knows? And I loved the way you portrayed his pissed off self in the second chapter.
Other than that, I think this was really well-written. You portrayed Kira excellently, the first chapter was sexy without being overdone, and you captured the emotions of the story very well.
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November 11, 2007 at 12:00 AM
No flames, I swear! Only a question: How did you decide that Kato would achieve his sexual release? You made no mention of it and the way you portrayed Kato-san made it seem like he got his satisfaction from Kira-sans release. Odd question, I know. Sorry! As for the taking the last line from the book, I'm sure that's perfectly fine. You already put up your disclaimer and it only adds to the fanfiction's... can't find the word... effectiveness? Yeah, that's good. Anyway, anyone who says otherwise is an ass.