rate_review Reviews

i enjoyed your story really good and in mine i was trying to convey that shinji was forced into it too lol it just came out wrong

I call for you to CONTINUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great work! Really looking forward the the other two chapters. If you need a pre-reader to catch some errors *before* posting, drop me a line.

I thought this was great.

Very nice story. It was sort of WAFFed with total pervertness at the same time. However, there are some elements that made the story a bit difficult to get into. There are numerous spelling mistakes that can sort of throw the reader off. Improper use of grammer(missing comas and periods) made it seem as though the sentences were endless. Last, you described most parts well but others felt uncared for.
Please understand that I am not bullying you, dictating the way you should write, or just being a jerk. I am merely trying to help you as you've helped me, which was a tremendous amount by the way.
On a final note, chapter 2 for "Listening to Madness" is back in motion and should be up before the end of the weekend...hopefully. And now that I've seen how you formatted your story, I can try to apply to my own, making it easier for you to read. Well, see you soon.

I'll admit I'm a little disapointed...just a little. It's not bad, not at all. It's just that going from your other stories, especially 'A Glass of Wine', it seems a little blah at times.
Now that I said that let me say that I did like it. You did a fine job and it was done in a good way. I am looking forward to any future chapters.
I think I just went into this a little to...I don't know...I guess excited is too strong a word but it fits. My expectations were too high I guess. But let me tell you that I ain't lowering them because of this...oh no I'm not. I still expect a lot from you. You are a very good amateur and definitely better than me.
Read ya Later.

Well for your first lemon the story overall was good, not spectacular but good. The main problems were the misused words (angle for Angel, Astringed for estranged, Satin for satan, and so on.).

The pacing could be a bit better, it seemed to lag a bit in places, so maybe in your next one write it w/o the lemon sections the work them in.

Hope this helped! Oh and I have my one and 'only' lemon here co-written by Datexan for my Tenchi Muyo saga "Uninhibited Consequences: called "Inhibitions Lost" here on this site. Let me and Tex know what you think of it!

later, dennisud

"I Musn't Come Too Fast!"

A+!