schedule
December 31, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I agreee a little to what the last commenter said. You need to develop a beginning when you enter a new scene and new characters.
Overall, great story; keep going with it please!!! ;)
Overall, great story; keep going with it please!!! ;)
schedule
December 28, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Good start! The introduction to our main characters was good. I like how they've both aged and 'moved on' as it were.
Felt rushed when you brought in your original characters, but okay. The transition to Haku was rough. The previous scene didn't feel like it ended, really and then we are in the bathhouse.
Felt rushed when you brought in your original characters, but okay. The transition to Haku was rough. The previous scene didn't feel like it ended, really and then we are in the bathhouse.