schedule
September 19, 2016 at 12:00 AM
I love it! Please continue writing sorato fics! nwn
schedule
September 30, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Wow~!
Nice~!!!
I LOVE IT~!!! :D ^^
Nice~!!!
I LOVE IT~!!! :D ^^
schedule
October 17, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Wow, that was absolutely brilliant. And hot. And well written. Gorgeous! You should be very proud of this piece of work, and I wish you'd write more! Thanks for this!
schedule
July 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM
No reviews? Shame. This deserved a few. :)
My only constructive criticism would be that some paragraphs really needed to be broken up more, because they were on the long side. You also got a bit repetitive with the "He *action*" sentences in one of the last paragraphs. Perhaps joining those separate sentences into long-running sentences, and using other words for transition in place of "He", would help ease the repetitiveness.
Other than those points, it was well-written and realistic. I liked how you obscured the identity of the female until the end, and was quite pleasantly surprised by it being who it was. Not enough lemons of those two are written, and this was a great addition.
Certainly a very nice read. Well done.
My only constructive criticism would be that some paragraphs really needed to be broken up more, because they were on the long side. You also got a bit repetitive with the "He *action*" sentences in one of the last paragraphs. Perhaps joining those separate sentences into long-running sentences, and using other words for transition in place of "He", would help ease the repetitiveness.
Other than those points, it was well-written and realistic. I liked how you obscured the identity of the female until the end, and was quite pleasantly surprised by it being who it was. Not enough lemons of those two are written, and this was a great addition.
Certainly a very nice read. Well done.