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April 21, 2009 at 12:00 AM
You know, coming into reading this as a Gardevoir fan (not of that nature, the one which Sinners actually panders to mind you), I was going to expect this fanfiction to be absolutely horrible, disgusting, etc. In truth, this work of fiction is surprisingly good, even though I still have my...issues with those kinds of Gardevoir fans. I was quite amazed at how well-developed the characters were, though I felt that the relationship between Slash and Psymakio developed a bit too fast, however understanding the very nature of the Ralts line, it's understandable. That's another thing that irked me, the names. Slash Firestorm? Psymakio? I have a hard time taking a protagonist named Slash Firestorm seriously. And Psymakio is just a Japanese? name sprinkled with a hint of unoriginality...or corniness, whichever suits you better. Other than that, it's not too terrible. Covering the issue with Slash a bit more: Why do I get the feeling that this is an author avatar/self-insert? I could be completely wrong, but I don't think having your author name as Slash Firestorm really helps either. He's not a terrible character, but it's just hard to discriminate the author and the character.
In short, it's well written, has well developed characters, but would it hurt to give Slash a different name?
In short, it's well written, has well developed characters, but would it hurt to give Slash a different name?
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April 21, 2009 at 12:00 AM
J. Winter---Did you know that I (apparently) coined the term Garderotica? There were no Google or Yahoo hits for it before I started using it, anyway, heh. How fucked up is that? The portmanteau isn't exactly difficult to think of...in any case, everyone should keep using the term for story and chapter titles and make the internet tremble with awe and lust.
Yes, I do plan to heavily revise the earlier chapters. When I first wrote them, I was proud of them. Now, whenever I get reviews or e-mails saying how people loved the story from the start, my response is a sort of incredulous "really? are you sure?". So indeed, I'll be working on Arc 1 after finishing Arc 2, getting rid of inconsistencies, improving dialogue, ditching stupid ideas and adding good ones, and lengthening it a bit. I'll keep the original versions on my computer and e-mail them to anyone who wants them, though.
Incidentally, the shit is just about to hit the fan in the next chapter of Arc 2.
madaz75---Glad you like it. As mentioned above, it'll be a lot more pleasant after its overhaul.
The Daring Fool---I wouldn't really say Sinners panders to the faps-to-Gardevoir crowd. After all, it's certainly not PWP (some would argue there's way too much plot, in fact), and takes a good 13 chapters to get to the first lemon scene (ten, if one's not picky).
I agree that the relationship went too fast. My original plan was for Psymakio to remain a Kirlia for much longer, with a good deal of their early romantic relationship occurring in that stage (more than just a kiss), even some lemon (though the mating itself would still be with Gardevoir, for realism's sake). The overhaul I'm planning will flesh it out a little, showing the devotion of Ralts more clearly and detailing Kirlia going from seeing Slash as a father figure to a love interest.
As for the characters and their names, I explained it in previous review responses, but seeing that Arc 1 has over 700 reviews, I can't expect people to read through them all (I'm too lazy, myself). Slash Firestorm is a character mold I developed back in eighth grade (the previous millennium, to put it in perspective); the character has been used in numerous stories since, and while some of the core personality traits remain the same in each incarnation, the roles are very different. Slash has been a soldier in WWII who is captured, tortured, and finally breaks; he's been a preacher doubting his faith; he's been a demon who killed his "mate" in a fit of rage. Psymakio and Kiako, whose character molds have been around just as long, also fit into these varying stories, with Kiako serving as Slash's antagonist and Psymakio as a love interest (often caught between the two, in battle and romantically). Kiako was the interrogator that broke Slash and the devil proxy; Psymakio was the interrogator's wife and a nun. They're always a trinity, and I sometimes get a little meta with that idea.
As for the names, I have a hard time believing that anyone can complain about Slash Firestorm in a world full of elemental puns and Ash Ketchum (seriously). If anything the problem should be that Slash isn't exclusively using Fire-types. Psymakio also isn't Japanese; the name was thought of a long time ago simply because it sounded good (again, I was 13). When I was writing the part of the story where Slash names Gardevoir, I wanted a slightly better explanation for it, so I searched the internet for names sounding a lot like it (starting with Japanese, since it sounds like it would be), looking for one with a good definition, and got lucky with Miyako (and decided to use that name for the otherwise unnamed princess). Kiako is likewise a "it sounded good" name, and I have no idea if there's any meaningful names that sound close to it.
Incidentally, the Slash character has always represented something I don't want to be, rather than a self-insertion. Even when he gets a happy ending, his basic character mold leads him to do exceedingly terrible things to get it. The story in its entirety may serve as a sort of personal experiment (most authors end up doing that, though I hope to one-up Stephen King and never get into outright meta-fiction, just too damn confusing), but Slash always represents that dark and fallible side of life, Kiako always represents the malicious side, and Psymakio represents the myth of true love being easy or kind.
Yes, I do plan to heavily revise the earlier chapters. When I first wrote them, I was proud of them. Now, whenever I get reviews or e-mails saying how people loved the story from the start, my response is a sort of incredulous "really? are you sure?". So indeed, I'll be working on Arc 1 after finishing Arc 2, getting rid of inconsistencies, improving dialogue, ditching stupid ideas and adding good ones, and lengthening it a bit. I'll keep the original versions on my computer and e-mail them to anyone who wants them, though.
Incidentally, the shit is just about to hit the fan in the next chapter of Arc 2.
madaz75---Glad you like it. As mentioned above, it'll be a lot more pleasant after its overhaul.
The Daring Fool---I wouldn't really say Sinners panders to the faps-to-Gardevoir crowd. After all, it's certainly not PWP (some would argue there's way too much plot, in fact), and takes a good 13 chapters to get to the first lemon scene (ten, if one's not picky).
I agree that the relationship went too fast. My original plan was for Psymakio to remain a Kirlia for much longer, with a good deal of their early romantic relationship occurring in that stage (more than just a kiss), even some lemon (though the mating itself would still be with Gardevoir, for realism's sake). The overhaul I'm planning will flesh it out a little, showing the devotion of Ralts more clearly and detailing Kirlia going from seeing Slash as a father figure to a love interest.
As for the characters and their names, I explained it in previous review responses, but seeing that Arc 1 has over 700 reviews, I can't expect people to read through them all (I'm too lazy, myself). Slash Firestorm is a character mold I developed back in eighth grade (the previous millennium, to put it in perspective); the character has been used in numerous stories since, and while some of the core personality traits remain the same in each incarnation, the roles are very different. Slash has been a soldier in WWII who is captured, tortured, and finally breaks; he's been a preacher doubting his faith; he's been a demon who killed his "mate" in a fit of rage. Psymakio and Kiako, whose character molds have been around just as long, also fit into these varying stories, with Kiako serving as Slash's antagonist and Psymakio as a love interest (often caught between the two, in battle and romantically). Kiako was the interrogator that broke Slash and the devil proxy; Psymakio was the interrogator's wife and a nun. They're always a trinity, and I sometimes get a little meta with that idea.
As for the names, I have a hard time believing that anyone can complain about Slash Firestorm in a world full of elemental puns and Ash Ketchum (seriously). If anything the problem should be that Slash isn't exclusively using Fire-types. Psymakio also isn't Japanese; the name was thought of a long time ago simply because it sounded good (again, I was 13). When I was writing the part of the story where Slash names Gardevoir, I wanted a slightly better explanation for it, so I searched the internet for names sounding a lot like it (starting with Japanese, since it sounds like it would be), looking for one with a good definition, and got lucky with Miyako (and decided to use that name for the otherwise unnamed princess). Kiako is likewise a "it sounded good" name, and I have no idea if there's any meaningful names that sound close to it.
Incidentally, the Slash character has always represented something I don't want to be, rather than a self-insertion. Even when he gets a happy ending, his basic character mold leads him to do exceedingly terrible things to get it. The story in its entirety may serve as a sort of personal experiment (most authors end up doing that, though I hope to one-up Stephen King and never get into outright meta-fiction, just too damn confusing), but Slash always represents that dark and fallible side of life, Kiako always represents the malicious side, and Psymakio represents the myth of true love being easy or kind.
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April 8, 2009 at 12:00 AM
A nice well developed story with good character development.
I very much enjoy reading all of it.
Keep up the fantastic work
I very much enjoy reading all of it.
Keep up the fantastic work
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April 7, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Aaaaand I've finished Arc 1. Fucking amazing, literally and figuratively. The lemon at the end of the arc, just amazing and beautiful. Oh, and of course, the inter- and re- actions with Watson and the Aquas, and most everything else... And no worries, I don't think you're being overly preachy with some of the characters' opinions.
Anyway, I'll read Arc 2 in the near future... While having smexiness is good, I'm also very interested in the shit hitting the fan, I have no doubts that's coming there.
Anyway, I'll read Arc 2 in the near future... While having smexiness is good, I'm also very interested in the shit hitting the fan, I have no doubts that's coming there.
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April 5, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Chapter count is 13, I said I'd be back, didn't I?! The beautiful intricacies of forbidden love, angst and fluff going back and forth like a tree swaying in the breeze... Oh, and let's not forget that lemon. You've got a knack for it... But, anyhoo, this is good.
But I also know you're dissatisfied with it, and I'm willing to bet whenever you get to revising it, it'll be even better.
Another review will come at the end of my reading the arc. You can be sure of that.
But I also know you're dissatisfied with it, and I'm willing to bet whenever you get to revising it, it'll be even better.
Another review will come at the end of my reading the arc. You can be sure of that.
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April 4, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Started reading this story via recommendation via a story called Garderotica via random browsiing via... via... Okay, I'll stop being such a dork and move on. Though I'm only currently up to Chapter Nine (meaning I haven't gotten to the lemoniness yet), I find this a very refreshing and compelling tale, the characters and characterization are both top-notch, the action is invigorating, and I've loved the little twists (ohai, Giovanni) that permeate this story.
Expect another review when I finish a couple more chapters, more than likely when the lemon shows up. ...Speaking of which, I should review (already read it) the blowpop sidestory, but I'm out of time for today. Bummer.
Expect another review when I finish a couple more chapters, more than likely when the lemon shows up. ...Speaking of which, I should review (already read it) the blowpop sidestory, but I'm out of time for today. Bummer.
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February 26, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Late replies are late.
dave---Glad you like it.
saint jimmy---It's nearing the two year mark and I'm nowhere near done with it yet.
Anon---Jirachism comes into focus later in the story, as Slash and Psymakio can't keep their secret forever. :'(
Nick---I certainly think the next arc is better than this one. I still intend to give Arc 1 a big ol' copyedit and partial re-write someday, if I get the time. The difference in my writing between chapter 1 and chapter 26 is enormous.
dave---Glad you like it.
saint jimmy---It's nearing the two year mark and I'm nowhere near done with it yet.
Anon---Jirachism comes into focus later in the story, as Slash and Psymakio can't keep their secret forever. :'(
Nick---I certainly think the next arc is better than this one. I still intend to give Arc 1 a big ol' copyedit and partial re-write someday, if I get the time. The difference in my writing between chapter 1 and chapter 26 is enormous.
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October 6, 2008 at 12:00 AM
To quote a certain Brian Griffin: HOLY FREAKING GOD.
I just read this whole story, and needless to say, I have been fucking FLOORED by how awesome this story is!
I'm just about to start on Arc 2, and I'll just bet it's going to be just as, if not more, awesome than the first arc was!
I look forward to more of your work!
I just read this whole story, and needless to say, I have been fucking FLOORED by how awesome this story is!
I'm just about to start on Arc 2, and I'll just bet it's going to be just as, if not more, awesome than the first arc was!
I look forward to more of your work!
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August 25, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Loved the story, great! It was entertaining but I also liked themes you explored in the opening chapters. I'm going off to read part 2 right now! 5 Stars.
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July 8, 2008 at 12:00 AM
fucking brilliant story well done. It has a very well written plot and is what the show should have been hope to see plenty more of this kind of works. well done