schedule
July 17, 2007 at 12:00 AM
As i stated before this was one written by my friend i posted it as he gave gave me it
schedule
June 20, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I don’t normally read Yaio stories but do now and then to be fair.
The first thing that I noticed is that you put a note in the body of the text, I tend to avoid that because I feel that it disrupts the flow of the story. May I suggest putting notes at the top or bottom?
The lemon in chapter three was interesting. I know how women might feel about my Yuri lemons now, LOL.
In chapter four I noticed that several characters are speaking in the same paragraph; it is an accepted practice to start a new line when a new character speaks. Also I think that the NERV thing seemed rushed but it is just a minor point.
The last couple chapters got very weird. Still all in all a good story.
Dale (AKA 94saturn)
The first thing that I noticed is that you put a note in the body of the text, I tend to avoid that because I feel that it disrupts the flow of the story. May I suggest putting notes at the top or bottom?
The lemon in chapter three was interesting. I know how women might feel about my Yuri lemons now, LOL.
In chapter four I noticed that several characters are speaking in the same paragraph; it is an accepted practice to start a new line when a new character speaks. Also I think that the NERV thing seemed rushed but it is just a minor point.
The last couple chapters got very weird. Still all in all a good story.
Dale (AKA 94saturn)