errorYou must be logged in to review this story.
schedule
September 4, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Excellent, as always. I can just imagine Noriko slamming into those two like that. Now... let the fun begin!
schedule
August 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I don't like the ending to lime... but I am certain it will turn around next couple of chapters.... I love this story!
schedule
August 24, 2007 at 12:00 AM
touma - flowers - ryu - sounds good! make it happen! ;)
schedule
August 7, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Got thru orange... love the build up.. suspense is just right, thanks for the background info. I see where this is heading... like the direction.
schedule
July 31, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Well, it was a nice little read, and I'm very happy you posted it. :)
In the way of constructive criticism, what I really liked was Ryuichi's solution to getting out of work early is just to leave at lunch and never come back. Also, I thought it absolutely made sense that three close people like Ryuichi, Tohma, and Noriko would forego birthday presents as a while. With a group like that and the years going on and on, well I've seen and had it happen, so that was definitely realistic. Besides, they live busy lives.
What I wasn't so sure about was Ryuichi saying that he was good at cooking in the beginning of the story and then in the midst of cooking saying he wasn't so good at it. Ryuichi seems to be in love or something with Tohma and has been for a long time, and I was just wondering why. There doesn't need to be an explanation, but it seemed so sudden. It's a nice drabble, and I know they're short, but it's sort of vague, and I felt like not much happened, if that makes sense. Or maybe that it cut off too early. Maybe some editing would help? I've wrote so many things and even though I've re-read them, I'll miss little mistakes (forgive me if I was misunderstanding) like that good/bad at cooking thing.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm glad I read this, and I think you have potential! It was good; I was just trying to help or pointing out a few things. By all means, please don't stop writing. I wish you the best.
In the way of constructive criticism, what I really liked was Ryuichi's solution to getting out of work early is just to leave at lunch and never come back. Also, I thought it absolutely made sense that three close people like Ryuichi, Tohma, and Noriko would forego birthday presents as a while. With a group like that and the years going on and on, well I've seen and had it happen, so that was definitely realistic. Besides, they live busy lives.
What I wasn't so sure about was Ryuichi saying that he was good at cooking in the beginning of the story and then in the midst of cooking saying he wasn't so good at it. Ryuichi seems to be in love or something with Tohma and has been for a long time, and I was just wondering why. There doesn't need to be an explanation, but it seemed so sudden. It's a nice drabble, and I know they're short, but it's sort of vague, and I felt like not much happened, if that makes sense. Or maybe that it cut off too early. Maybe some editing would help? I've wrote so many things and even though I've re-read them, I'll miss little mistakes (forgive me if I was misunderstanding) like that good/bad at cooking thing.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm glad I read this, and I think you have potential! It was good; I was just trying to help or pointing out a few things. By all means, please don't stop writing. I wish you the best.
schedule
July 31, 2007 at 12:00 AM
So cute! I just discovered your writings and haven't left reviews on the other fics yet. I'm enjoying everything very much. I really like the flow throughout your stories and will keep a look-out for the updates.