schedule
November 12, 2007 at 12:00 AM
ahhh man don't leave me hanging, I hope you update soon...
schedule
November 11, 2007 at 12:00 AM
It's really quite good. It's sort of like Ouran Club--the Soap Opera.
I'm a little disappointed you didn't try to encapsulate the sort of wildly slapstick humor of the show, but it's not a bad thing.
The sex was a bit flowery, but a good amount of passion behind it.
All in all, I'd try breaking up your paragraphs, screwing with the actual format of the story. It's a very simplistic block paragraph style that causes the eye to skip over great chunks of the text.
Other than that, good job!
I'm a little disappointed you didn't try to encapsulate the sort of wildly slapstick humor of the show, but it's not a bad thing.
The sex was a bit flowery, but a good amount of passion behind it.
All in all, I'd try breaking up your paragraphs, screwing with the actual format of the story. It's a very simplistic block paragraph style that causes the eye to skip over great chunks of the text.
Other than that, good job!
schedule
November 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Stupid Kyouya. He totally ruined her first time by making her feel like a whore with him leaving like that. In a way, I feel that Haruhi would probably feel torn with everything happening to her (like all the guys in her life we turning their back on her). She should leave for a vacation where the Host Club will not be able to find her, causing them to think twice about hurting her. Update please. Great chapter by the way.
schedule
November 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=EnigmaticOtaku
My videos for Ouran
My videos for Ouran
schedule
November 8, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Thanks guys! I'm loving your reviews so far <33 Especially lauren ( -idolizes her =O-) I'm seriously taking into account everything you've all suggested and I appreciate the time you took to read and help. ( Personally the part that turned me on the most was when Kyouya found out that he was her first and said 'Fucking Glorious" I was all like -squealgasm- Anyway.. keep the reviews coming!!
schedule
November 8, 2007 at 12:00 AM
As always impressive.. Though way to short for my like. Perhaps Haruhi may need to get something to eat? Well.. I get hungry after sex XDD
schedule
November 7, 2007 at 12:00 AM
oh shit! Kyoya in charge, and I like it! And it was the perfect twist to have Hikaru witness that! oh man, i wonder what will happen when they meet again?
schedule
November 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
This is coming along wonderfully and I cannot wait for another chapter! I am just waiting in anticipation! The story telling is so excellent and I can't wait hear more from Hikaru, the shock he must feel!
schedule
November 5, 2007 at 12:00 AM
OUCH! It's not like Hikaru is my fave character but wow... what has Hikaru ever done to you?! xD ! j/k
I love the last twist on the end. Kyouya = God. Update QUICKLY! Last time you said you'd update in 9 or 10 hours... and i checked the next day and... and *cries* NO UPDATE!!!
I'm okay =)
I love the last twist on the end. Kyouya = God. Update QUICKLY! Last time you said you'd update in 9 or 10 hours... and i checked the next day and... and *cries* NO UPDATE!!!
I'm okay =)
schedule
November 5, 2007 at 12:00 AM
NAMI-CHAN LOVES YOUR FIC AND YOU!!!!!