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January 18, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I totally didnt expect that last comment. it was funny. anyway, please update soon this fic was interesting! I love the twist![anessavanella@aim.com]
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October 30, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Initially upon reading the teaser for this fic, I didn't expect it to be something I would like in particular. But as I dug in, I found that I really enjoyed the depth that you gave L's character..it's another dimension to a somewhat vague grey shape that L's background had in both the manga and anime. I look forward to reading more! <3
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September 21, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Sorry, but this is OOC like woah. Really. Would Near ever run into a room all cheerful like that (isn't he the most reclusive and quiet of ALL the DN characters?)? Would L ever fall in love like that?
Maybe, but only with a LOT of character development and backstory that your fic is somewhat lacking in. I don't want to discourage you, as you can write quite well, but maybe you should try a little harder to keep folk in character. And perhaps take a step back from the original female characters. Unless they are handled extremely well they generally don't work, especially when paired with a central canon character. It smells of Mary Sue a little, mainly because we are given no reason for L's love of Helena, he just does apparently and in quite a soppy way. Soppy is not L's style, not at all, not ever :/
And as a character, Helena doesn't work. She's just there, looking pretty and sexin' L up. We're supposed to like her? Erm, no.
However, your writing is clear and concise, and generally works. It's just the characters. It doesn't feel like Death Note, not one proton.
Maybe, but only with a LOT of character development and backstory that your fic is somewhat lacking in. I don't want to discourage you, as you can write quite well, but maybe you should try a little harder to keep folk in character. And perhaps take a step back from the original female characters. Unless they are handled extremely well they generally don't work, especially when paired with a central canon character. It smells of Mary Sue a little, mainly because we are given no reason for L's love of Helena, he just does apparently and in quite a soppy way. Soppy is not L's style, not at all, not ever :/
And as a character, Helena doesn't work. She's just there, looking pretty and sexin' L up. We're supposed to like her? Erm, no.
However, your writing is clear and concise, and generally works. It's just the characters. It doesn't feel like Death Note, not one proton.
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September 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I can't wait to see more of this story! very unique and in character, esp. Light at the end there. Curious to see where this will go and what happened with Helena. Doesn't reek of Mary-Sue either, good job. ^_^
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September 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Oh wow. I'm really liking this. I love your way of writing too. I can't wait for more.
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September 17, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Whoa... I thght of not reviewing (tired and lazy) but then... I really want it to continue so here I am! :D
I really wanna know if L is cheating on Light, or was that his 'female' version of Light in some AU world he dreams of? LOLx Really love the pilot chapter of this new story.Update k?
I really wanna know if L is cheating on Light, or was that his 'female' version of Light in some AU world he dreams of? LOLx Really love the pilot chapter of this new story.Update k?
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September 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
This sounds good so far. A very good teaser. And my curiosity is piqued. Update soon!