rate_review Reviews

so i registered JUST to review this story and say that i think its probably the most realistic lina/gourry fic ive ever read! i think that if anything was ever going to happen between those two it would be something like this because we know lina cant back down from a challenge :p

albeit shorter than I wished, it was very good, my lecher-within was happy :-)

I really liked this, especially the ending. (Is there more?)

I've told you before, and I'll tell you again: I love you so much for doing this! ^__^

I'm so glad I checked this website tonight. I think my exact thoughts were, "New fic from DQBunny! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

It's always a pleasure to see a new L/G story from you! I liked the plot, the sex, and the words Gourry chanted at Lina, as well as Lina's ending thoughts. I also really liked the part where Lina explains why she's not too young. It's actually a pretty strong pet-peeve of mine, this artificial thing we have called "adolescence." Throughout much of history, a girl age 12 or older was old enough to be involved in a sexual relationship. Expecting people to not have any sexual thoughts until 18 or 21 is just moronic, in my opinion. So bravo! Lina's right, historically, many girls were working on second or even third kids by age 16! *gets off soap box*

Couple of comments: lean on your beta-reader a bit more. He/she keeps missing silly little typos that aren't really a big deal, but are a bit distracting as one reads through the story ("would had" instead of "would have" for example). The other thing was the POV shifts. There are a couple of places where the POV shifts rapidly between Lina and Gourry. It's generally considered a bad idea to shift POV within the same scene, and a good beta should catch such a thing (otherwise what are they beta-ing for?) Not to insult your beta or anything (beta-reading for lemons is rather challenging).