rate_review Reviews

Really am enjoying the story so far. Curious to find out what Mizo's relationship with Eiri is? Wonder how Eiri will react when he finds out what he has done to the genki singer? Hope to read more of it soon.

I can't wait to see Yuki's reaction when he finds out who Mizu's 'patient' is! Nice update.

Hope you dont make us wait to long for another, but better to write it right then write it fast (^_^)

This is great. I can't wait to see what happens. please keep it going.

Not bad...not bad at all. And having long chapters is good, as it give you a chance to delve more into the characters, helps you think about the direction you want to go and adds in-depth to the characters and the situation.

Excellent 2nd and 3rd chapters. I was almost worried that you would let it spill that the kid used to be a singer.. that might have piqued Yuki's curiosity. Since Muki knows which group he used to be with, wouldn't it me nice if he introduced some of his old music into his life, to try and shake things up a bit? Just a thought. DLS

WAA i LOVE THIS!!! am sticking around for the update. love how mizu ends up with shu as his patient. this will be VERY interesting ^^

It's interesting, but the chapters are too short to pull me in. 3000-5000 words is typically designated chapter length for a good drama with a publishing company. I don't think chapter even reached 1,000, and it was read in two minutes. That's not enough to really review properly. Like i said, the story idea is great, but you need to type up more before submitting it here, or your piece won't be powerful enough as a dramatic work. The first chapter was great! You need to fix the paragraphing, when a new person speaks, it's a new paragraph. it's okay to have an entire chapter one one-line paragraphs. That's a good dialogue chapter, in fact. I'm just saying this because i've been through the publishing gamut and sold two books, and i thought you might like some advice. I'd love to read more of this if the chapter length can be embelished upon some. It rushes a story to post short chapters because short chapters make a story move much more quickly than it really should to remain strong.

dun Dun DDDUUUNNNNNNNNN!!! Keep going, that was a tease of a chapter...but a good tease

Poor Shu-chan... I guess when he lost Eiri the way he did, he gave up... Not like the Shu-chan we all know and love---- so who is Mizu going to use to bring him out of it? Suspense--- please update soon!

Hey, I liked it. I found your paragraphs hard to read though. Just spacing problems. I just did a sample format here. You can tell me to suck off if you don't like it. Oh, is mizu a psychiatrist? or Yuki's editor?

Sample format:

“No, I’m sick of it,” he said dismissively as he pushed the hands away, “I don’t know why I even bother with you.”

“Look, I’m sorry, Yuki.” Shuichi cried, “I really didn’t mean to, I promise.” He slipped his arms around Yuki’s waist as a way of reconciliation.

Yuki pushed him away roughly and stared at his at the soaked mess that was his laptop. “I’m done,” he said with seriousness in his voice.

“But YYYYuuuukiii,” Shuichi said in a whine, “I said I….”

“Shut up,” Yuki said angrily, “I’m sick of hearing your voice, that ugly, annoying, insufferable voice. I don’t want to hear it again.”

Shuichi opened his mouth to say something.

“Don’t say anything.” Yuki exclaimed, “I don’t want to hear it. I don’t know why I put up with you.”


As said, you can take it or leave it. It just makes it easier for your readers. Tah! Oh, more chapters please.