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August 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Slash, I hadn't expected a second poster to get in here, post a response (which apparently got deleted as I went from one refresh to the next) and then see a fast exchange of posts between you and him/her. Since it seems to have died out and your reply to me got "intercepted", shall we say, I might as well take a page from his/her book and do this before I change my mind. This is my last post to you, meant to explain what I was trying to do with my reviews through a number of observations and clarifications. I'll leave you alone to your own devices after I post it, so you might as well congratulate yourself now.
I kept saying it but you seemed to ignore it repeatedly: my reviews were not brought up by the human/Pokemon sex facet of your story's subject matter, but rather by your shortcomings as a writer. If that still eludes you and you think I should have just turned away as soon as I saw the "this story contains Pokemon porn" disclaimers, let me point out that editors and critics rarely ignore to review something just because they don't like a part of it.
Similarly, stating that what I have to tell you is worthless just because I am not here to enjoy your work and "get into" the world you've modified is working from a harmful and self-defeating view of art. Critics and editors do not have to enjoy a work in order to review it. Their purpose is to edit and critique, no more, no less. Actual enjoyment of the work, or learning to care for it, is not a priority or of any importance to the critic. You'll just stifle your own artistic growth if you keep turning away criticism that goes against the grain.
For all I care, you can continue writing in the style you're going for now. More power to you and all that. I just find it pathetic that you keep revisiting these old tropes (like "New powers as the plot demands") to inject in your story and not bothering to corrupt them to add variety to the plot. I roll my eyes every time I recognize another trope that you didn't mutate. Not because they're bad themselves, but rather because they all add up to something I've seen before.
Likewise, I never said that you had to change your style to please me: I said that you fall back on the EPIC (not the epic, understand the difference) instead of trying to work out some subtle and not-so-subtle changes on it. Or did you not notice I was actually praising you, however vaguely, for doing exactly that in this latest chapter?
Lastly, if I'm a troll... well, considering I wrote my reviews, acerbic tone and all, to force you to look at yourself and learn some basics of art, I'd say I was doing you a service, not trolling you. Pity you can't seem to understand that.
This concludes our exchanges, probably forever. Reply to this or don't, it's your call, but deleting it will only prove to me that you haven't learned a single thing from all of this, and that I shouldn't have used up my time to try and help you. Take that and my tone as you will. Goodbye, and good writing.
I kept saying it but you seemed to ignore it repeatedly: my reviews were not brought up by the human/Pokemon sex facet of your story's subject matter, but rather by your shortcomings as a writer. If that still eludes you and you think I should have just turned away as soon as I saw the "this story contains Pokemon porn" disclaimers, let me point out that editors and critics rarely ignore to review something just because they don't like a part of it.
Similarly, stating that what I have to tell you is worthless just because I am not here to enjoy your work and "get into" the world you've modified is working from a harmful and self-defeating view of art. Critics and editors do not have to enjoy a work in order to review it. Their purpose is to edit and critique, no more, no less. Actual enjoyment of the work, or learning to care for it, is not a priority or of any importance to the critic. You'll just stifle your own artistic growth if you keep turning away criticism that goes against the grain.
For all I care, you can continue writing in the style you're going for now. More power to you and all that. I just find it pathetic that you keep revisiting these old tropes (like "New powers as the plot demands") to inject in your story and not bothering to corrupt them to add variety to the plot. I roll my eyes every time I recognize another trope that you didn't mutate. Not because they're bad themselves, but rather because they all add up to something I've seen before.
Likewise, I never said that you had to change your style to please me: I said that you fall back on the EPIC (not the epic, understand the difference) instead of trying to work out some subtle and not-so-subtle changes on it. Or did you not notice I was actually praising you, however vaguely, for doing exactly that in this latest chapter?
Lastly, if I'm a troll... well, considering I wrote my reviews, acerbic tone and all, to force you to look at yourself and learn some basics of art, I'd say I was doing you a service, not trolling you. Pity you can't seem to understand that.
This concludes our exchanges, probably forever. Reply to this or don't, it's your call, but deleting it will only prove to me that you haven't learned a single thing from all of this, and that I shouldn't have used up my time to try and help you. Take that and my tone as you will. Goodbye, and good writing.
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August 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Jack Nativity---Might as well end this night of pointless reviews with one final response, so we can finally put this mess to bed and get back to constructively helping the Sinners world develop.
Well, Jack, we can ignore your admitted dislike for Pokemon fanfiction...even your false claims that it wasn't behind your reviewing, despite an admitted desire to mock it and myself. We can pretend that you didn't want me to change the story for your own desires, despite claiming the needs for salvage and correction. If you wish, we can stick to your arrogant blindness, both about technical issues and in-universe issues, as to why you have failed to provide constructive criticism.
Your lack of knowledge has already proven that you can't help me beyond a spellcheck, from your incorrect predictions of events to assuming things were added simply to satisfy plot points. Once again I must remind you that you have absolutely no idea where the story is going, and all of your flawed assumptions are thus flawed due to your refusal to acknowledge that the story has not yet begun. Always in motion is the future. These people, even my harshest legitimate critics, see that, while you apparently do not.
For a new example, you assumed the Pearls are McGuffins since they're oft-referred to, chased by both protagonists and antagonists, but rarely seen or utilized for any purpose---thus far. You either have no clue what you're talking about, in which case either you're either misusing the use of the term or again have let your shortsightedness and impatience blind you. You have no damn clue what I plan to do with the Pearls, do you? It's almost like you assume that the story will end when the Pearls are found (which that is certainly incorrect). There are ten Arcs to the story, and if you assume that you know the future, plot-wise and character-wise, after Arc Two's midway point, lol, then you are no editor, good sir.
Even if we ignore your childish intentions to read a work solely to mock it (a half-step above Alpha Xi's page-stretching whines about his off-topic rants being deleted), you are a poor editor. Oh, you sound smart. You sound accomplished. But you know, I recognize the tone of your writing...it's the same tone I would take when I had to bullshit an essay test in middle school. Lots of looks-good stuff but little accuracy and substance.
Your misuse of terminology, which I'm sure must look pretty intelligent to the casual reader but is less effective against IB grads with journalism/literature backgrounds, does not help me. For the record, the Pearls are not McGuffins...but perhaps you should keep Chekhov's gun in mind in regards to them, though I doubt you'll still be reading by the time the gun goes off.
Your assumptions about the plot---not guesses, but assumptions, as though you can see the future of my work---are incorrect, making your claims about predictability and cliche to look somewhat...wrong. From orgies to babies to princes to hybrids, you missed them all, even those that were specifically spelled out. Either my story is unpredictable, you suck at predicting, or you have bad reading comprehension.
Your criticism of my characters is unfounded, despite your livejournal-eqsue tests to prove otherwise; according to you, my characters are too perfect and epic until they make a mistake that a perfect character wouldn't make...lolwut. Slash is perfect until getting his ass kicked, being defeated in a climactic Gym match, having sex in a war zone and getting his girl poisoned, losing control of his powers and killing pregnant women (after taunting them with food), and selling half his lifespan at the half-lie insisting of a crazy and corrupted god. But hey, I wish I had black hair and fap to Gardevoir, so he's self-insertion. Lulz.
Your sense of reality, both real and in-universe, are a little conflicted---you have no trouble believing in fire-breathing dragons, but cancer existing in the Pokemon world is silly? Castles made by gods are crazy but mortals converting life forms into computer data in a world without cars is reasonable? Gardevoir, a non-human, doesn't always act human with her submissiveness and obsession? Holy damn.
Your view of Sinners, and thus your ability to play editor, is flawed specifically because you cannot put yourself in this world. You can talk about how an editor can edit something they don't like, but very editors are capable enough to do so fairly and helpfully beyond grammar and packaging, and you, good sir, are not in their number. You look for predictability while ignoring that the Shadow is chaos. That there is a pre-ordained reason for the forces drawing together to confront the enemy won't mean a thing when the laws of reality begin to shatter and gods themselves fall dead from the sky. That Psymakio's last incarnation (more a spark than an ancestor or past life) was royalty does not make her royalty; neither does that same formula apply to Slash, and both would likely reject such titles if offered. In the end, all expectations, both within the story and without, will be broken specifically because their enemy is an entity of purest chaos, and when the prophesies fail and both magic and technology are rendered useless, what will happen then? Do you know, Jack? What cliche will happen then?
What would everyone say I told them that there's a pretty good chance, perhaps 60%, that this story will end with everyone dead? After all, my muse couldn't give a shit about happy endings.
Well, in any case, the girl in Arc 1's reviews who asked for Adult Baby stuff was more helpful than you. Imasuky, very early on, convinced me to go ahead and give Kiako a shape-shifty arm, something I originally decided against (and thus saved the Slash whip/Lombre sequence from the void). Ek and Rougia helped me work out a whole system of rules for Pokeballs, something which needed to be addressed and planned as early as possible but went unconsidered until they mentioned it. CrazyIvan made me jealous enough to continue writing my 20000+ word megachapters, leading me to realize that I liked them a lot. Everyone who incorrectly guessed that Silver was Lance lead me to consider adding Lance later in the story, and no matter how small his role is, it'll be cool.
Tai and Rougia helped shape the story massively, in more ways than I can list before sunrise. Hsda Mk. II convinced me to tweak my light/dark scale to be less strictly good/evil and more intent-based. Splenge got me to fill a text document with "rules on TM's", which will come in handy later.
Oh yeah, and RoboRed convinced me to kill someone. LOL, sorry bud, you have no idea what you unintentionally did.
Practically every single reviewer here has helped me, whether urging me to hurry up and update, tweak a previous chapter, re-write the rules for certain aspects of the world...countless things. All of them influenced me and thus own a part of this story.
But not you, Jack. You represent everything that cannot help Sinners---looking upon it a series of words instead of a world, ranting about plotlines and character models and other things with the self-assurance of Corphish on steroids. You see the story as I feared that I would after time...as something to be dissected, mercilessly cut and pasted into existence. You see Sinners the same way Kiako's creators saw him, and the end result is just as pitiable.
May you learn how to read someday, so you can truly enjoy the art of storytelling and story reading. Goodbye, and good luck.
Well, Jack, we can ignore your admitted dislike for Pokemon fanfiction...even your false claims that it wasn't behind your reviewing, despite an admitted desire to mock it and myself. We can pretend that you didn't want me to change the story for your own desires, despite claiming the needs for salvage and correction. If you wish, we can stick to your arrogant blindness, both about technical issues and in-universe issues, as to why you have failed to provide constructive criticism.
Your lack of knowledge has already proven that you can't help me beyond a spellcheck, from your incorrect predictions of events to assuming things were added simply to satisfy plot points. Once again I must remind you that you have absolutely no idea where the story is going, and all of your flawed assumptions are thus flawed due to your refusal to acknowledge that the story has not yet begun. Always in motion is the future. These people, even my harshest legitimate critics, see that, while you apparently do not.
For a new example, you assumed the Pearls are McGuffins since they're oft-referred to, chased by both protagonists and antagonists, but rarely seen or utilized for any purpose---thus far. You either have no clue what you're talking about, in which case either you're either misusing the use of the term or again have let your shortsightedness and impatience blind you. You have no damn clue what I plan to do with the Pearls, do you? It's almost like you assume that the story will end when the Pearls are found (which that is certainly incorrect). There are ten Arcs to the story, and if you assume that you know the future, plot-wise and character-wise, after Arc Two's midway point, lol, then you are no editor, good sir.
Even if we ignore your childish intentions to read a work solely to mock it (a half-step above Alpha Xi's page-stretching whines about his off-topic rants being deleted), you are a poor editor. Oh, you sound smart. You sound accomplished. But you know, I recognize the tone of your writing...it's the same tone I would take when I had to bullshit an essay test in middle school. Lots of looks-good stuff but little accuracy and substance.
Your misuse of terminology, which I'm sure must look pretty intelligent to the casual reader but is less effective against IB grads with journalism/literature backgrounds, does not help me. For the record, the Pearls are not McGuffins...but perhaps you should keep Chekhov's gun in mind in regards to them, though I doubt you'll still be reading by the time the gun goes off.
Your assumptions about the plot---not guesses, but assumptions, as though you can see the future of my work---are incorrect, making your claims about predictability and cliche to look somewhat...wrong. From orgies to babies to princes to hybrids, you missed them all, even those that were specifically spelled out. Either my story is unpredictable, you suck at predicting, or you have bad reading comprehension.
Your criticism of my characters is unfounded, despite your livejournal-eqsue tests to prove otherwise; according to you, my characters are too perfect and epic until they make a mistake that a perfect character wouldn't make...lolwut. Slash is perfect until getting his ass kicked, being defeated in a climactic Gym match, having sex in a war zone and getting his girl poisoned, losing control of his powers and killing pregnant women (after taunting them with food), and selling half his lifespan at the half-lie insisting of a crazy and corrupted god. But hey, I wish I had black hair and fap to Gardevoir, so he's self-insertion. Lulz.
Your sense of reality, both real and in-universe, are a little conflicted---you have no trouble believing in fire-breathing dragons, but cancer existing in the Pokemon world is silly? Castles made by gods are crazy but mortals converting life forms into computer data in a world without cars is reasonable? Gardevoir, a non-human, doesn't always act human with her submissiveness and obsession? Holy damn.
Your view of Sinners, and thus your ability to play editor, is flawed specifically because you cannot put yourself in this world. You can talk about how an editor can edit something they don't like, but very editors are capable enough to do so fairly and helpfully beyond grammar and packaging, and you, good sir, are not in their number. You look for predictability while ignoring that the Shadow is chaos. That there is a pre-ordained reason for the forces drawing together to confront the enemy won't mean a thing when the laws of reality begin to shatter and gods themselves fall dead from the sky. That Psymakio's last incarnation (more a spark than an ancestor or past life) was royalty does not make her royalty; neither does that same formula apply to Slash, and both would likely reject such titles if offered. In the end, all expectations, both within the story and without, will be broken specifically because their enemy is an entity of purest chaos, and when the prophesies fail and both magic and technology are rendered useless, what will happen then? Do you know, Jack? What cliche will happen then?
What would everyone say I told them that there's a pretty good chance, perhaps 60%, that this story will end with everyone dead? After all, my muse couldn't give a shit about happy endings.
Well, in any case, the girl in Arc 1's reviews who asked for Adult Baby stuff was more helpful than you. Imasuky, very early on, convinced me to go ahead and give Kiako a shape-shifty arm, something I originally decided against (and thus saved the Slash whip/Lombre sequence from the void). Ek and Rougia helped me work out a whole system of rules for Pokeballs, something which needed to be addressed and planned as early as possible but went unconsidered until they mentioned it. CrazyIvan made me jealous enough to continue writing my 20000+ word megachapters, leading me to realize that I liked them a lot. Everyone who incorrectly guessed that Silver was Lance lead me to consider adding Lance later in the story, and no matter how small his role is, it'll be cool.
Tai and Rougia helped shape the story massively, in more ways than I can list before sunrise. Hsda Mk. II convinced me to tweak my light/dark scale to be less strictly good/evil and more intent-based. Splenge got me to fill a text document with "rules on TM's", which will come in handy later.
Oh yeah, and RoboRed convinced me to kill someone. LOL, sorry bud, you have no idea what you unintentionally did.
Practically every single reviewer here has helped me, whether urging me to hurry up and update, tweak a previous chapter, re-write the rules for certain aspects of the world...countless things. All of them influenced me and thus own a part of this story.
But not you, Jack. You represent everything that cannot help Sinners---looking upon it a series of words instead of a world, ranting about plotlines and character models and other things with the self-assurance of Corphish on steroids. You see the story as I feared that I would after time...as something to be dissected, mercilessly cut and pasted into existence. You see Sinners the same way Kiako's creators saw him, and the end result is just as pitiable.
May you learn how to read someday, so you can truly enjoy the art of storytelling and story reading. Goodbye, and good luck.
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August 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Hey Slash, thought you might want to read something not half as long as the stuff you've had to deal with so far. ;)
Once again I am just floored at how amazing this story as a whole is. I love what you've done to, well, the entire world; hardly anything is as it is in the "real" world.
Hoo boy, ten arcs? Glad to hear it. I really hope you're able to see this massive tale through to the end.
Anxiously awaiting the next installment :3
Once again I am just floored at how amazing this story as a whole is. I love what you've done to, well, the entire world; hardly anything is as it is in the "real" world.
Hoo boy, ten arcs? Glad to hear it. I really hope you're able to see this massive tale through to the end.
Anxiously awaiting the next installment :3
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August 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Perfect Purity---Thank you, lol.
Glad you like it. Hoenn is somewhat like the real world, but it's developed differently, and those differences can have profound impacts on society. Cars do not exist at all in Hoenn due to the rough and mostly-untamable terrain (although they may exist in Kanto, Johto, and Sinnoh; I don't visit those locations in Sinners, however); aircraft never developed at all. Medical technology is vastly superior to our own, mainly due to the rough nature of Pokemon battles. In the end, Hoenn is sort of a loose confederation of towns than a real country; while the Pokemon League rules the nation in name, it doesn't perform many administrative functions.
Pokemon League will show up in the future, both to deal with a certain trainer getting caught getting freaky with his Pokemon and to deal with the Rocket threat when they move their primary operations to Hoenn.
Yep, ten arcs. Some will be short (Arc 4, The King's Tomb, may only be a few chapters), some will be long. They may vary in tone...for example, Arc 5 will be told primarily from Psymakio's view, as opposed to the narrative currently following Slash more than her. I look forward to Arc 5 a lot, because Gardie is fun to write...although she won't be very happy or fun-seeking in Arc 5. Sigh.
I started the detailed outline for 24 today; production should begin Monday. :-D
Glad you like it. Hoenn is somewhat like the real world, but it's developed differently, and those differences can have profound impacts on society. Cars do not exist at all in Hoenn due to the rough and mostly-untamable terrain (although they may exist in Kanto, Johto, and Sinnoh; I don't visit those locations in Sinners, however); aircraft never developed at all. Medical technology is vastly superior to our own, mainly due to the rough nature of Pokemon battles. In the end, Hoenn is sort of a loose confederation of towns than a real country; while the Pokemon League rules the nation in name, it doesn't perform many administrative functions.
Pokemon League will show up in the future, both to deal with a certain trainer getting caught getting freaky with his Pokemon and to deal with the Rocket threat when they move their primary operations to Hoenn.
Yep, ten arcs. Some will be short (Arc 4, The King's Tomb, may only be a few chapters), some will be long. They may vary in tone...for example, Arc 5 will be told primarily from Psymakio's view, as opposed to the narrative currently following Slash more than her. I look forward to Arc 5 a lot, because Gardie is fun to write...although she won't be very happy or fun-seeking in Arc 5. Sigh.
I started the detailed outline for 24 today; production should begin Monday. :-D
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August 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I just want to say this in regards to editors I have one for all of my stories and she’s one of my biggest fans the fact that se enjoys my stories makes it so that she CAN improve my work when I was in school my writing teacher made us read and critique each others work the entire thing was awkward and un enjoyable for everyone most of us didn’t care for the story type or writing style of the others for example I only liked one of the stories I read but I did not insult the others I offered strictly technical advice such as changing the wording in places where it didn’t make sense
oh and I’, make a prediction Slash says he’ll start wrok of the new chapter Monday so I think it wil be done Saturday…..Next month
With Eternal Love, Imasuky Lomae
oh and I’, make a prediction Slash says he’ll start wrok of the new chapter Monday so I think it wil be done Saturday…..Next month
With Eternal Love, Imasuky Lomae
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August 8, 2008 at 12:00 AM
...Y? Y did u sentence Slash to death? Y?...bastard. It took me 1 day to read this latest chapter and i was (and am) cursing you for what you have done to your character. I hope you have a (plausible) way to save him. You will lose many loyal fans otherwise. Didn't like the chapter (which is a first for this series). might b that it's fucking midnight.
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August 8, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Regarding Jack's RPG/Fanfic Mary Sue test..
Dear god, do not ever try to run a White Wolf RPG character through that.
Dear god, do not ever try to run a White Wolf RPG character through that.
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August 8, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Max---Hopefully you won't, as 24 is planned to be quite a bit shorter (all that really happens is an intro/expository of what lies beyond the desert, some casual fighting, and the experience with the Interloper). Currently aiming for late August/early September.
And heh, yes. Gardie wouldn't have sensed it if Slash hadn't blanked the mother. Ka works in mysterious ways.
Cerebrate Fate---Slash's Pack will meet his parents later in the story (shortly after the Fallarbor mini-arc ends), and he'll probably call them up in the next chapter. Obviously he'll use a bit more discretion than that, lol.
Imasuky Lomae---My original plan months ago was to have Slash keep the curse a secret from her (but her suspecting something was wrong), and the Second Storyteller inadvertently reveals it to her after Fallarbor---needless to say, hiding it for THAT long would have made things a lot worse. It just seemed more dickish than Slash would realistically do, though, so I changed it to guilty confession/more-or-less minor argument.
Important to remember---Kiako cannot control that power, and it causes severe (and partly irreparable) damage to his body. By the time the story's climax arrives, he may be just barely clinging to life. :-(
...why did I sad face Kiako's pain? lol, maybe because he's not pure evil, just...pretty fucking evil.
Incidentally, original outline scripted Medicham to drop her in one punch, but that was too FALCON PUNCH, lol.
Slash my poor boy...---lol, a chapter an hour? What crack are you on, good sir or madam? I could never, ever write 30000 words (or even 20000) in a week, let alone an hour. Again the idea of shorter, more frequent chapters is raised...but I really do like putting out much longer stuff, so every update makes my readers want to pull up a chair, lay back, and enjoy themselves for a while.
Josh Palmer---Dark? lol, good sir, you have no idea what awaits in the future. Not all of it will be so easily forgiven or reparable...
Vyers---Slash thinks he's using them in a selfless way, but it's only when the haze wears off that he realizes his mistakes (and sometimes they need to be pointed out by someone else). While in self-defense, Slash made no effort to barter a ceasefire with the Cacturne (they might have had a way to counteract their own poison, who knows), used food to lure them into dropping their guard, and then completely destroyed two souls, one of whom belonged to a pregnant mother. Instead of trusting in his bond, he let guilt and self-righteousness cloud his judgment and ruined his life...and, more painfully, Psymakio's.
Now we have a new cliffhanger in regards to the hourglass...how does one destroy the indestructible?
Sinners Fan---Glad ya liked it, and I'll try to be more timely with the next.
RoboRed---Yeah, the argument depressed me a little, too, but like I said, it was originally scripted to be much, much worse. Unfortunately for everyone, the powers are going to be so addictive that Slash may 'accidentally' (or just ignorantly) use them again. For example, let's say they're fighting Archie, and his Mightyena is whooping someone's ass. Slash can easily blank the creature, but Gardevoir is going to be severely injured (possibly fatally) by the action. The temptation will still be there, though, because of how much easier it seems.
Light and Dark, while seemingly complicated, are actually rather simple (too bad this won't be realized by the protagonists anytime soon). There is a way for Dark power to be used for good (and without hurting Gardie), just as there are ways for Light to be used for evil (Slash could have made the same decision in regards to his lifespan by considering his team's friendship, their goal in helping the world, etc). Only if Slash and Psymakio truly master their bond and love each other with absolute purity will neither Light nor Dark be able to harm them.
Kiako is not going to have a fun journey to Fallarbor any more than the good guys will. By the time the groups confront each other, he's going to be so ragged, beaten, and pissed off that the previous portrayal of his confidence in Slateport will be little more than a distant memory.
Silver has been training for decades (as has Giovanni), and I'm sure that I could write a whole story just about him if I wanted. The whole class system is meant to show a couple things...mainly that Slash and his buddies, despite their trials and skill, are still just rookies compared to more experienced trainers...and that the Pokemon League itself may not be able to stop Team Rocket if they chose to lunge for power in Hoenn. :-(
Incidentally, I use incidentally a lot because I tend to forget things that I wanted to say, or have a hard time transitioning into new topics in casual conversation, lol. I'm much less artful with my language in real life than in my writing. :3
Imasuky Lomae---I've seen the forums too, but, lol, I'm already having to multi-task with e-mails and Myspace and the like. If anyone does do something like that, I'd post, but e-mail and review space is so much easier.
I do have a livejournal, but that's mostly used for relaxing, not serious discussion, lol.
Zell65---It's sort of a mix of both. There are certain aspects that have planned out since the beginning, like the key plot points (the King, Kiako's backstory, Slash and Psymakio's bond, etc), but also lots of stuff I never intended until I was actually writing (Watson's importance, Silver's entire existence in Sinners, Flannery and Blaziken being super-buddies). Whenever a new and good idea comes to me, I try to work it in, and sometimes I do it well enough that it appears to have been planned the whole time. Other times it's not noticeable.
Every so often I get an idea that's GREAT, but it doesn't fit in with the plot and that makes me a SAD PANDA. :-( I had a really awesome ending for Sinners early on...would have been kinda sad, but Slash and Psymakio would have both still been alive and together...but it no longer fits with the way the story has gone. I might make an alternate ending chapter or something when Sinners is done.
I've considering writing for a living, but it's really not as glamorous as you might think (deadlines, asshole editors who don't give a shit about enjoying the piece, hint hint). I don't really write fast or concise enough to be a real author. The original story I referred to a few times, Broken Circle, could stand alone or with my other works (obviously Sinners, based on someone else's copyright, wouldn't be able to be one of them), but...I doubt the world would want to read it. That story (like all my writings) would be mostly written to satisfy the word-bug in me.
RAW19---lol, six months to live is hardly a problem? Well, maybe. The hourglass won't get broken or disabled, but that doesn't necessarily mean that Slash will die. Or does it? lol, keep in mind that I'm a dick, and that when someone is going to die, it WILL be unexpected.
Jack Nativity---You still don't get it, do you? Despite all your long-ass and mostly repetitive reviews, despite trying to sound like you've got a few bestsellers hidden away somewhere, ya still don't get it.
You. Are. A. Troll. Whether you believe it or not (and I have a feeling that you're more than aware of this), you are a troll. I shouldn't have fed you, but your comments were just thought out enough that I wasn't sure of it. Now I am.
The fact that some of your criticism is thought-out (and even, on occasion, valid) does not mean that you are not a troll. The fact is that you read and write these reviews only to complain, not out of any desire to see me improve but because you can. The fact is that you DID come seeking a fight, deciding to ignore the disclaimers and content tags and summaries so that you could find a story you KNEW you weren't going to like and thus could bitch to your heart's content from a soapbox that does not exist.
You are the exact opposite of the kind of reader that the world needs. We don't need more stuck-up, self-appointer editors finding a topic that they dislike, reading it anyway, and pretending to know where the author is going before the story is even a quarter completed (including making several false predictions about the 'obvious' direction of the story, some of which were outright stated otherwise), or believing that what they've seen thus far is the totality of the themes.
For example, I JUST introduced Dark and Light two chapters ago, purposefully had everyone be fucking ambiguous and confused about it, including having love and sacrifice leading to a dire and non-fairytale outcome, and you don't grasp that right now ALL of it is middle-ground for the characters (and thus, for the readers) and it's going to take a while before being fully explored. If you're looking for Slash going "oh, golly gee, I know the difference between good and evil and thus nothing bad will ever happen to me or my friends!", go watch the anime. It ain't happening here.
Mostly, for all of your apparent intelligence about reading and writing and the mechanics behind both, you really don't know how to read at all. You can read the words, yeah. You can grasp the devices, sure. You can even, on occasion, point out something that needs clarification, something from a technical or constructive standpoint. But that does not constitute reading. That is simply observing, and I am here for readers, not bird-watchers.
Fact is, while I am indeed proud of this work, I know I'm not arrogant. I'm actually quite the modest author; hell, the only reason Sinners was written was because I read and was inspired by another work involving the conflict between light and darkness and the trials of two forbidden lovers; in a way, it's not fair to call Sinners 'my work', even disregarding it being fanfiction, because I was inspired and influenced by other far superior authors. Sinners only reached this level of scope due to input and suggestions from others, and without the plotmails and reviews and the like, this story would be a mere story---not alive and flowing like it currently is. I gave it life, but without the support of my readers, I could not keep it alive.
While I am confident in my writing abilities, and all the justification that I need for that is in the fans and positive response that I've gotten, I know that I ain't perfect. Do I need to improve on some areas? Yes. Could the earlier chapters use a re-write? Definitely. Do I wish I had kept Psymakio a Kirlia for longer, or at least elaborated on the 'missing week' after the dream that could have been a cornucopia of character conflict? Hell yes. And plenty of other issues can be addressed.
But see, there's more. Is this story based on a reasonable plot (and spare me your bitching about epic)? Yes. Are the characters believable, identifiable, flawed, 'human'? Yes indeed (incidentally, 22/17/19 for Slash/Psymakio/Kiako, if you're curious, numbers I can live with). Is the plot interesting, unpredictable? Yep (enough to confound you, at least).
For my failings, I know that I'm a damn good writer, and I don't need to cater to the muddled demands of someone who should have turned back the second they read The bond between a trainer and his Gardevoir goes from devotion to forbidden love---and that love may be the only hope the world has left to be confident about that. I don't need the ideas of someone who goes from accusing me of lack of self-respect to arrogant on opposite sides of a review, someone who accuses my characters of being Mary Sues in one line and making avoidable mistakes in another, to be confident in my abilities.
What I do need are the ideas of those who see Slash and Psymakio as more than character outlines. I need the suggestions of those who wonder if Kiako's got a reason for being so fucked up and whether or not that could justify his current actions. I need the criticisms of those who want the story to be better because they want to do justice to the lives trapped within the words and worlds, not because they just want to make Sinners more "professional".
The reason, good sir, why I could not care less about your suggestions on 'salvaging' my story, is because neither you nor I give a damn about whether or not this story meets your definition of quality. You don't want to see the story 'fixed' because you want to enjoy it, you just want to see your own ideas of good writing injected into a story with a different opinion...the problem is, I don't buy your no-epic, I-want-to-see-everything-coming desires, and I have no intentions of changing the story just to cater to you.
Your biggest error, the single reason behind why your opinion is irrelevant, was the assumption you made in your first paragraph---that I was still updating and writing Sinners due to my readers and fans. The fact is that I write not to please others, but to please myself, as selfish as that may sound. I don't write to please the entire spectrum of readers out there...I write to please myself and put my ideas into writing, and hopefully attract people who do appreciate grand stories with epic endings and mysteries and cliffhangers and twists. That is all. Those are the people who I accept criticism from, because only they, those who fall in love with the world I've written, understand what I'm trying to make, and want to make sure that while Slash and Psymakio may not have a happy ending, the ending will still do them justice.
You do not, and that is why you cannot help me.
I know a troll when I see one, because I've been one myself before. I've bitched about flash movies and stories that didn't meet my criteria of greatness, ignoring the fact that I saw the labels and summaries and knew what I was getting into. And when I matured---grew up---I either avoided them or addressed them from a purely technical standpoint, pointing out actionscript errors or typos or whatnot.
So yes, there is something you can do to help me improve upon this story, even with your utter lack of enjoyment of the concept and its execution. There is a way of helping me, even if the characters and adventures and romance fills you with revulsion and ridicule. You can point out my typos and grammar errors.
You can be my spellcheck.
Until you learn how to read instead of just observe, that is the extent of your usefulness to me. If you cannot do that, then there is no way for you to enjoy Sinners, and thus no reason for me to care about your opinion. If you indeed to cease your 'reviewing'...well, the door is to your left, it's been marked with a bright green exit sign since chapter one's author notes. Should you intend to return sometime in the future, please check your blatant disdain for Pokemon fanfiction at the door or the bouncer will show you out.
General Review---If you're hoping for everyone to get through Sinners safe and sound...well, you're going to hate me later. In any case, don't blame me for killing off any characters; my muse decides those things, not me.
Hallation---As the test itself said, some of those traits are not inherently bad. It's really not a good way of determining Mary Sue-ness because of that; what, no one can write a story about kings without losing a point? No one can have a pet without it being too perfect? I didn't consider the Pokemon animals for that test, incidentally, because they're sentient and common in the Pokemon world.
And heh, yes. Gardie wouldn't have sensed it if Slash hadn't blanked the mother. Ka works in mysterious ways.
Cerebrate Fate---Slash's Pack will meet his parents later in the story (shortly after the Fallarbor mini-arc ends), and he'll probably call them up in the next chapter. Obviously he'll use a bit more discretion than that, lol.
Imasuky Lomae---My original plan months ago was to have Slash keep the curse a secret from her (but her suspecting something was wrong), and the Second Storyteller inadvertently reveals it to her after Fallarbor---needless to say, hiding it for THAT long would have made things a lot worse. It just seemed more dickish than Slash would realistically do, though, so I changed it to guilty confession/more-or-less minor argument.
Important to remember---Kiako cannot control that power, and it causes severe (and partly irreparable) damage to his body. By the time the story's climax arrives, he may be just barely clinging to life. :-(
...why did I sad face Kiako's pain? lol, maybe because he's not pure evil, just...pretty fucking evil.
Incidentally, original outline scripted Medicham to drop her in one punch, but that was too FALCON PUNCH, lol.
Slash my poor boy...---lol, a chapter an hour? What crack are you on, good sir or madam? I could never, ever write 30000 words (or even 20000) in a week, let alone an hour. Again the idea of shorter, more frequent chapters is raised...but I really do like putting out much longer stuff, so every update makes my readers want to pull up a chair, lay back, and enjoy themselves for a while.
Josh Palmer---Dark? lol, good sir, you have no idea what awaits in the future. Not all of it will be so easily forgiven or reparable...
Vyers---Slash thinks he's using them in a selfless way, but it's only when the haze wears off that he realizes his mistakes (and sometimes they need to be pointed out by someone else). While in self-defense, Slash made no effort to barter a ceasefire with the Cacturne (they might have had a way to counteract their own poison, who knows), used food to lure them into dropping their guard, and then completely destroyed two souls, one of whom belonged to a pregnant mother. Instead of trusting in his bond, he let guilt and self-righteousness cloud his judgment and ruined his life...and, more painfully, Psymakio's.
Now we have a new cliffhanger in regards to the hourglass...how does one destroy the indestructible?
Sinners Fan---Glad ya liked it, and I'll try to be more timely with the next.
RoboRed---Yeah, the argument depressed me a little, too, but like I said, it was originally scripted to be much, much worse. Unfortunately for everyone, the powers are going to be so addictive that Slash may 'accidentally' (or just ignorantly) use them again. For example, let's say they're fighting Archie, and his Mightyena is whooping someone's ass. Slash can easily blank the creature, but Gardevoir is going to be severely injured (possibly fatally) by the action. The temptation will still be there, though, because of how much easier it seems.
Light and Dark, while seemingly complicated, are actually rather simple (too bad this won't be realized by the protagonists anytime soon). There is a way for Dark power to be used for good (and without hurting Gardie), just as there are ways for Light to be used for evil (Slash could have made the same decision in regards to his lifespan by considering his team's friendship, their goal in helping the world, etc). Only if Slash and Psymakio truly master their bond and love each other with absolute purity will neither Light nor Dark be able to harm them.
Kiako is not going to have a fun journey to Fallarbor any more than the good guys will. By the time the groups confront each other, he's going to be so ragged, beaten, and pissed off that the previous portrayal of his confidence in Slateport will be little more than a distant memory.
Silver has been training for decades (as has Giovanni), and I'm sure that I could write a whole story just about him if I wanted. The whole class system is meant to show a couple things...mainly that Slash and his buddies, despite their trials and skill, are still just rookies compared to more experienced trainers...and that the Pokemon League itself may not be able to stop Team Rocket if they chose to lunge for power in Hoenn. :-(
Incidentally, I use incidentally a lot because I tend to forget things that I wanted to say, or have a hard time transitioning into new topics in casual conversation, lol. I'm much less artful with my language in real life than in my writing. :3
Imasuky Lomae---I've seen the forums too, but, lol, I'm already having to multi-task with e-mails and Myspace and the like. If anyone does do something like that, I'd post, but e-mail and review space is so much easier.
I do have a livejournal, but that's mostly used for relaxing, not serious discussion, lol.
Zell65---It's sort of a mix of both. There are certain aspects that have planned out since the beginning, like the key plot points (the King, Kiako's backstory, Slash and Psymakio's bond, etc), but also lots of stuff I never intended until I was actually writing (Watson's importance, Silver's entire existence in Sinners, Flannery and Blaziken being super-buddies). Whenever a new and good idea comes to me, I try to work it in, and sometimes I do it well enough that it appears to have been planned the whole time. Other times it's not noticeable.
Every so often I get an idea that's GREAT, but it doesn't fit in with the plot and that makes me a SAD PANDA. :-( I had a really awesome ending for Sinners early on...would have been kinda sad, but Slash and Psymakio would have both still been alive and together...but it no longer fits with the way the story has gone. I might make an alternate ending chapter or something when Sinners is done.
I've considering writing for a living, but it's really not as glamorous as you might think (deadlines, asshole editors who don't give a shit about enjoying the piece, hint hint). I don't really write fast or concise enough to be a real author. The original story I referred to a few times, Broken Circle, could stand alone or with my other works (obviously Sinners, based on someone else's copyright, wouldn't be able to be one of them), but...I doubt the world would want to read it. That story (like all my writings) would be mostly written to satisfy the word-bug in me.
RAW19---lol, six months to live is hardly a problem? Well, maybe. The hourglass won't get broken or disabled, but that doesn't necessarily mean that Slash will die. Or does it? lol, keep in mind that I'm a dick, and that when someone is going to die, it WILL be unexpected.
Jack Nativity---You still don't get it, do you? Despite all your long-ass and mostly repetitive reviews, despite trying to sound like you've got a few bestsellers hidden away somewhere, ya still don't get it.
You. Are. A. Troll. Whether you believe it or not (and I have a feeling that you're more than aware of this), you are a troll. I shouldn't have fed you, but your comments were just thought out enough that I wasn't sure of it. Now I am.
The fact that some of your criticism is thought-out (and even, on occasion, valid) does not mean that you are not a troll. The fact is that you read and write these reviews only to complain, not out of any desire to see me improve but because you can. The fact is that you DID come seeking a fight, deciding to ignore the disclaimers and content tags and summaries so that you could find a story you KNEW you weren't going to like and thus could bitch to your heart's content from a soapbox that does not exist.
You are the exact opposite of the kind of reader that the world needs. We don't need more stuck-up, self-appointer editors finding a topic that they dislike, reading it anyway, and pretending to know where the author is going before the story is even a quarter completed (including making several false predictions about the 'obvious' direction of the story, some of which were outright stated otherwise), or believing that what they've seen thus far is the totality of the themes.
For example, I JUST introduced Dark and Light two chapters ago, purposefully had everyone be fucking ambiguous and confused about it, including having love and sacrifice leading to a dire and non-fairytale outcome, and you don't grasp that right now ALL of it is middle-ground for the characters (and thus, for the readers) and it's going to take a while before being fully explored. If you're looking for Slash going "oh, golly gee, I know the difference between good and evil and thus nothing bad will ever happen to me or my friends!", go watch the anime. It ain't happening here.
Mostly, for all of your apparent intelligence about reading and writing and the mechanics behind both, you really don't know how to read at all. You can read the words, yeah. You can grasp the devices, sure. You can even, on occasion, point out something that needs clarification, something from a technical or constructive standpoint. But that does not constitute reading. That is simply observing, and I am here for readers, not bird-watchers.
Fact is, while I am indeed proud of this work, I know I'm not arrogant. I'm actually quite the modest author; hell, the only reason Sinners was written was because I read and was inspired by another work involving the conflict between light and darkness and the trials of two forbidden lovers; in a way, it's not fair to call Sinners 'my work', even disregarding it being fanfiction, because I was inspired and influenced by other far superior authors. Sinners only reached this level of scope due to input and suggestions from others, and without the plotmails and reviews and the like, this story would be a mere story---not alive and flowing like it currently is. I gave it life, but without the support of my readers, I could not keep it alive.
While I am confident in my writing abilities, and all the justification that I need for that is in the fans and positive response that I've gotten, I know that I ain't perfect. Do I need to improve on some areas? Yes. Could the earlier chapters use a re-write? Definitely. Do I wish I had kept Psymakio a Kirlia for longer, or at least elaborated on the 'missing week' after the dream that could have been a cornucopia of character conflict? Hell yes. And plenty of other issues can be addressed.
But see, there's more. Is this story based on a reasonable plot (and spare me your bitching about epic)? Yes. Are the characters believable, identifiable, flawed, 'human'? Yes indeed (incidentally, 22/17/19 for Slash/Psymakio/Kiako, if you're curious, numbers I can live with). Is the plot interesting, unpredictable? Yep (enough to confound you, at least).
For my failings, I know that I'm a damn good writer, and I don't need to cater to the muddled demands of someone who should have turned back the second they read The bond between a trainer and his Gardevoir goes from devotion to forbidden love---and that love may be the only hope the world has left to be confident about that. I don't need the ideas of someone who goes from accusing me of lack of self-respect to arrogant on opposite sides of a review, someone who accuses my characters of being Mary Sues in one line and making avoidable mistakes in another, to be confident in my abilities.
What I do need are the ideas of those who see Slash and Psymakio as more than character outlines. I need the suggestions of those who wonder if Kiako's got a reason for being so fucked up and whether or not that could justify his current actions. I need the criticisms of those who want the story to be better because they want to do justice to the lives trapped within the words and worlds, not because they just want to make Sinners more "professional".
The reason, good sir, why I could not care less about your suggestions on 'salvaging' my story, is because neither you nor I give a damn about whether or not this story meets your definition of quality. You don't want to see the story 'fixed' because you want to enjoy it, you just want to see your own ideas of good writing injected into a story with a different opinion...the problem is, I don't buy your no-epic, I-want-to-see-everything-coming desires, and I have no intentions of changing the story just to cater to you.
Your biggest error, the single reason behind why your opinion is irrelevant, was the assumption you made in your first paragraph---that I was still updating and writing Sinners due to my readers and fans. The fact is that I write not to please others, but to please myself, as selfish as that may sound. I don't write to please the entire spectrum of readers out there...I write to please myself and put my ideas into writing, and hopefully attract people who do appreciate grand stories with epic endings and mysteries and cliffhangers and twists. That is all. Those are the people who I accept criticism from, because only they, those who fall in love with the world I've written, understand what I'm trying to make, and want to make sure that while Slash and Psymakio may not have a happy ending, the ending will still do them justice.
You do not, and that is why you cannot help me.
I know a troll when I see one, because I've been one myself before. I've bitched about flash movies and stories that didn't meet my criteria of greatness, ignoring the fact that I saw the labels and summaries and knew what I was getting into. And when I matured---grew up---I either avoided them or addressed them from a purely technical standpoint, pointing out actionscript errors or typos or whatnot.
So yes, there is something you can do to help me improve upon this story, even with your utter lack of enjoyment of the concept and its execution. There is a way of helping me, even if the characters and adventures and romance fills you with revulsion and ridicule. You can point out my typos and grammar errors.
You can be my spellcheck.
Until you learn how to read instead of just observe, that is the extent of your usefulness to me. If you cannot do that, then there is no way for you to enjoy Sinners, and thus no reason for me to care about your opinion. If you indeed to cease your 'reviewing'...well, the door is to your left, it's been marked with a bright green exit sign since chapter one's author notes. Should you intend to return sometime in the future, please check your blatant disdain for Pokemon fanfiction at the door or the bouncer will show you out.
General Review---If you're hoping for everyone to get through Sinners safe and sound...well, you're going to hate me later. In any case, don't blame me for killing off any characters; my muse decides those things, not me.
Hallation---As the test itself said, some of those traits are not inherently bad. It's really not a good way of determining Mary Sue-ness because of that; what, no one can write a story about kings without losing a point? No one can have a pet without it being too perfect? I didn't consider the Pokemon animals for that test, incidentally, because they're sentient and common in the Pokemon world.
schedule
August 8, 2008 at 12:00 AM
If I failed to mention, I did really like the Kiako scene. Helped flesh him out quite a bit more for me.
HOWEVER (and this is not criticism but more a plea)
PLEASE do not do what the avatar crew did with Zuko: He was probably one of my favorite characters throughout, but he still had rather a black and white bad guy/good guy/ oh wait bad guy/oops really good guy in the end. While I do really enjoy dynamic characters who though having done bad things learn to find a moral compass and peace, I still hope you don't make it so... opaque what's going on (I trust you not to, but I need to say it. Avatar broke my heart :( ) In short: don't allow characters to "throw off" their evil completely and find peace easily. kthxbai :)
Oh and if you haven't watched Avatar it's good :D
HOWEVER (and this is not criticism but more a plea)
PLEASE do not do what the avatar crew did with Zuko: He was probably one of my favorite characters throughout, but he still had rather a black and white bad guy/good guy/ oh wait bad guy/oops really good guy in the end. While I do really enjoy dynamic characters who though having done bad things learn to find a moral compass and peace, I still hope you don't make it so... opaque what's going on (I trust you not to, but I need to say it. Avatar broke my heart :( ) In short: don't allow characters to "throw off" their evil completely and find peace easily. kthxbai :)
Oh and if you haven't watched Avatar it's good :D
schedule
August 8, 2008 at 12:00 AM
OMG TIHS IS LEIK TEH BEZT THING EVAR!!! KEPE RITING SUPRESTUHD!