schedule
September 5, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I have no idea how close it is to your vision of him, but my mental image of Kiako is this guy:
http://www.freewebs.com/badassinc/vv1.jpg
He's the antagonist from the Cowboy Bebop movie, but I think he fits Kiako's image perfectly.
http://www.freewebs.com/badassinc/vv1.jpg
He's the antagonist from the Cowboy Bebop movie, but I think he fits Kiako's image perfectly.
schedule
September 4, 2009 at 12:00 AM
What can be said about the length, drama, effort, and shear overwhelming experiences that your characters undertake that hasn't been said already. It's probably going to be the longest chapter in all of your work (For Sinners at least, and I hope we do get to see some of your other stuff soon, since I would ever so enjoy reading a Legend of Zelda from you.) and while you may not be the best writer when it comes to battle scenes, you've greatly improved and it was quite an enjoyable read.
Now for the stuff I'm curious/thought was bad/thought needed work on. The first thing I liked to bring up was the battles themselves. While I did find them improved from before, I found that you, especially later on in the Gardevoir/Aggron fight, simply called the Pokemon attacks names on what they were doing. And while any Pokemon fan (Myself included) will know what Rock Polish and other such moves would do, I can't help think that a little more description, especially when the moves first appear, would help. Also, I wonder why Kiako mentioned his ability as something more akin to Self Destruct instead of Explosion, the latter being more powerful and sounding much more worthy of killing someone of Rayquaza's power. I honestly won't go into how a Gardevoir would go about using Focus Blast and Mirror Shot, considering that attack moves are one of the few Pokemon rules you could break if you're smart about it, and you're clearly just that. I will say that I don't care if that Aggron is strong enough to fight on par with Rayquaza at full strength, a fully supped up Focus Blast is going to do enough damage to Aggron that he shouldn't be moving after such a blow, much less being able to do the stuff he did.
A thing that confused me. As we know, this Veil is an evil energy that's being held back by the Old King (Aka, the Greatest one, as I'm guessing.) and is something that, regardless, would be about corrupting the life about it and blew up Mt. Chimney, why would it suddenly vanish once Rayquaza cut off Kiako's arm. Yes, I know it's probably part of this 'Shadow' that's the Veil's true nature, but why would removing that remove the corruption? From what Mr. Green Dragon said, once Kiako's arm went bye bye, the entire Veil went along with it, and I thought it was a lot more then that.
Another thing I want to get clear. Just how healing are those Pokecenters? From the Ambush of Magma back when Psymako evolved, it seemed that they couldn't just stick the Pokemon into a healing cycle and have them pop out all nice and healthy a little while later. I ask this because with the extensive injuries some of the cast has suffered, especially Blaziken's arms, I'm wondering if they're going to be able to function at all, much less fight in the future.
Final thoughts for the moment is something that another reviewer brought up about the whole religon aspect you added when you first strated this story. I'm quite curious if you would have any other views for the Pokemon world Religions, like how Acurus shaped the universe according to D/P/Plat lore and how that might different from Jarachiism. In fact, I would think there would be at least one Pokemon Religion that wouldn't frown upon Pokemon/Human pairings.
Overall, though, I can't wait for more stuff from you, Slash, and while I love Sinners, let's see something from another universe soon (perhaps Zelda).
Now for the stuff I'm curious/thought was bad/thought needed work on. The first thing I liked to bring up was the battles themselves. While I did find them improved from before, I found that you, especially later on in the Gardevoir/Aggron fight, simply called the Pokemon attacks names on what they were doing. And while any Pokemon fan (Myself included) will know what Rock Polish and other such moves would do, I can't help think that a little more description, especially when the moves first appear, would help. Also, I wonder why Kiako mentioned his ability as something more akin to Self Destruct instead of Explosion, the latter being more powerful and sounding much more worthy of killing someone of Rayquaza's power. I honestly won't go into how a Gardevoir would go about using Focus Blast and Mirror Shot, considering that attack moves are one of the few Pokemon rules you could break if you're smart about it, and you're clearly just that. I will say that I don't care if that Aggron is strong enough to fight on par with Rayquaza at full strength, a fully supped up Focus Blast is going to do enough damage to Aggron that he shouldn't be moving after such a blow, much less being able to do the stuff he did.
A thing that confused me. As we know, this Veil is an evil energy that's being held back by the Old King (Aka, the Greatest one, as I'm guessing.) and is something that, regardless, would be about corrupting the life about it and blew up Mt. Chimney, why would it suddenly vanish once Rayquaza cut off Kiako's arm. Yes, I know it's probably part of this 'Shadow' that's the Veil's true nature, but why would removing that remove the corruption? From what Mr. Green Dragon said, once Kiako's arm went bye bye, the entire Veil went along with it, and I thought it was a lot more then that.
Another thing I want to get clear. Just how healing are those Pokecenters? From the Ambush of Magma back when Psymako evolved, it seemed that they couldn't just stick the Pokemon into a healing cycle and have them pop out all nice and healthy a little while later. I ask this because with the extensive injuries some of the cast has suffered, especially Blaziken's arms, I'm wondering if they're going to be able to function at all, much less fight in the future.
Final thoughts for the moment is something that another reviewer brought up about the whole religon aspect you added when you first strated this story. I'm quite curious if you would have any other views for the Pokemon world Religions, like how Acurus shaped the universe according to D/P/Plat lore and how that might different from Jarachiism. In fact, I would think there would be at least one Pokemon Religion that wouldn't frown upon Pokemon/Human pairings.
Overall, though, I can't wait for more stuff from you, Slash, and while I love Sinners, let's see something from another universe soon (perhaps Zelda).
schedule
September 4, 2009 at 12:00 AM
One final thing I forgot to ask in my last review. Any relation between this chapter's Title and the upcoming World of Warcraft expansion coming out?
schedule
September 4, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Sikozu Danicelle---Thank you for your kind words. I would also like to give a Gardevoir a hug, lol.
Xain---Well, his body being torn apart doesn't necessarily LITERALLY mean that he was dismembered by his own psychic-nuke. But after getting his arm sliced off by Rayquaza, and all of his old wounds re-opening---in addition to new injuries---it ain't gonna be pretty.
Pokeprof---Meh, I didn't want to go crazy with the descriptions---one of the parts of Arc 1 that I intend to fix up is Maxie's technical description of Sunny Day, which, while sufficiently mocking to Slash, was still pretty lame. Rock Polish is shown to bring Aggron's speed up to high levels for short bursts, which is really all the readers need to know in this case. I like to tinker with some moves, anyway---giving Imprison the hold-your-breath limits and making it into a movement-lock instead of a move-lock. It's when I do that, changing moves effects from the games, that I'll be detailed. As for Kiako, he was just giving everyone the basic gist of it, not being technical.
The veils of the Shadow are large areas of...for lack of a better description, "fuck-up energy". It does more than just corrupt living beings and screw up the environment; it affects everything from luck to emotion, essentially taking everyone's biorhythm and setting it to minimum grace and maximum aggression (which, for people like Slash and Kiako, is not helping matters). These veils are spawned from cruelty and destruction...and also fueled by it, growing larger and more intense as the chaos continues. The source of the Fallarbor veil was Rayquaza's life being put in jeopardy, which began when the Aquas kidnapped Katarina (when the veil began to form, shortly before Slash and the pack left Mauville); it would only begin to disintergrate when Rayquaza was no longer in mortal danger. The battle began shifting in Rayquaza's favor when Flannery's cavalry showed up and Growlithe snatched away the Heart, but as long as Kiako posed an immediate threat, the veil continued to persist. When Kiako's arm was severed, the battle became all but decided in Rayquaza's favor; the enemy was disabled and Katarina was safe (though tainted, her death would still hasten the Heart's corruption), and the veil began to fall away. Now, had Kiako's last-ditch attempt to kill everyone succeeded, the veil would have mended almost instantly, and the loss of Rayquaza (and half of the prophesied 'chosen ones') would fuck up Hoenn. Royally.
If the Shadow were released, veils would begin to spawn at random, starting out almost unnoticeable...but gradually growing and corrupting as its effects create a positive feedback loop.
Pokemon Centers are a shitload more advanced than any real-life medical technology, but they have limits. A combination of standard medicine, machine-assisted healing (with the Pokemon in their balls, similar to the game), and healing-capable Pokemon like Blissey on staff mean that they can typically heal any "normal" battle injuries within a day or so---normal battles don't tend to get to the point of severely broken bones or amputations. For more severe injuries, treatment can take longer, but it's still much better than unaided healing. Here's a good frame of reference---with Pokemon Center tech, medicine, and therapy, Blaziken's cracked ribs will take days to heal instead of weeks; Psymakio's broken ribs will take weeks to heal instead of months; Blaziken's shattered arms will take months to heal instead of never being usable again.
Human medical tech is less advanced than Pokemon tech, mainly because Pokemon are the ones typically getting these numerous injuries. There is a degree of crossover in the two branches of treatment---for example, Blissey therapy works on humans with only slightly reduced effect, and detoxification for poisons work about the same for humans and Pokemon---but the more complex medical treatment, namely the powerful potions, are designed for Pokemon (who have better healing abilities than humans anyway) and won't work on humans. Despite this, human medical tech is still better than our own. Flannery, who suffered some cracked ribs at the hands of Ariados, will be mended up within a few days. Slash, whose injuries were much more extensive, will still be in the hospital at the beginning of chapter 30, even with a month-long timeskip.
As for religions, there are indeed multiple religions in the Sinners world; Jirachism is merely the dominant religion of Hoenn. It's not meant to be in the spotlight yet; the basic gist of it is that Jirachi is the god figure, and there is no knowledge of Arceus at all in the current Sinners timeline (though, as mentioned in one of my oneshots, there were stories about Arceus in the old Kingdom). One commonality in the major religions, however, is the prohibition against romantic/sexual relationships between Pokemon and humans, much like homosexuality in the three Abrahamic religions. However, despite this, not everyone who follows these religions is a vehement orthodox believer; like Flannery, there are people who don't take all the stuff literally. The Pokemon League of Hoenn is actually becoming more progressive, as mentioned with its acceptance of Dark-types in sanctioned battles (and the first Dark-user member of the Elite Four, not yet mentioned).
Unfortunately, comparing human/Pokemon relationships with our world's treatment of homosexuality doesn't quite capture it properly; these major religions view it more like bestiality; despite the undisputed fact that Pokemon are sentient, humans and Pokemon are not declared as equals by any of those religions. The conflict with Jirachism will be one of the major focuses of the third arc. The comparisons between the common treatment of Pokemon and slavery will also come later.
I'll be focusing on Sinners for the foreseeable future, but oneshots from several different universes will always be a possibility, since they're less time-consuming and mind-consuming. That Zelda oneshot will likely end up being started the next time I feel like playing through Twilight Princess...it'll actually probably be a multi-chapter deal, maybe five chapters of decent length.
And no, there isn't. I know very little about World of Warcraft, most of which is from South Park. XD
Xain---Well, his body being torn apart doesn't necessarily LITERALLY mean that he was dismembered by his own psychic-nuke. But after getting his arm sliced off by Rayquaza, and all of his old wounds re-opening---in addition to new injuries---it ain't gonna be pretty.
Pokeprof---Meh, I didn't want to go crazy with the descriptions---one of the parts of Arc 1 that I intend to fix up is Maxie's technical description of Sunny Day, which, while sufficiently mocking to Slash, was still pretty lame. Rock Polish is shown to bring Aggron's speed up to high levels for short bursts, which is really all the readers need to know in this case. I like to tinker with some moves, anyway---giving Imprison the hold-your-breath limits and making it into a movement-lock instead of a move-lock. It's when I do that, changing moves effects from the games, that I'll be detailed. As for Kiako, he was just giving everyone the basic gist of it, not being technical.
The veils of the Shadow are large areas of...for lack of a better description, "fuck-up energy". It does more than just corrupt living beings and screw up the environment; it affects everything from luck to emotion, essentially taking everyone's biorhythm and setting it to minimum grace and maximum aggression (which, for people like Slash and Kiako, is not helping matters). These veils are spawned from cruelty and destruction...and also fueled by it, growing larger and more intense as the chaos continues. The source of the Fallarbor veil was Rayquaza's life being put in jeopardy, which began when the Aquas kidnapped Katarina (when the veil began to form, shortly before Slash and the pack left Mauville); it would only begin to disintergrate when Rayquaza was no longer in mortal danger. The battle began shifting in Rayquaza's favor when Flannery's cavalry showed up and Growlithe snatched away the Heart, but as long as Kiako posed an immediate threat, the veil continued to persist. When Kiako's arm was severed, the battle became all but decided in Rayquaza's favor; the enemy was disabled and Katarina was safe (though tainted, her death would still hasten the Heart's corruption), and the veil began to fall away. Now, had Kiako's last-ditch attempt to kill everyone succeeded, the veil would have mended almost instantly, and the loss of Rayquaza (and half of the prophesied 'chosen ones') would fuck up Hoenn. Royally.
If the Shadow were released, veils would begin to spawn at random, starting out almost unnoticeable...but gradually growing and corrupting as its effects create a positive feedback loop.
Pokemon Centers are a shitload more advanced than any real-life medical technology, but they have limits. A combination of standard medicine, machine-assisted healing (with the Pokemon in their balls, similar to the game), and healing-capable Pokemon like Blissey on staff mean that they can typically heal any "normal" battle injuries within a day or so---normal battles don't tend to get to the point of severely broken bones or amputations. For more severe injuries, treatment can take longer, but it's still much better than unaided healing. Here's a good frame of reference---with Pokemon Center tech, medicine, and therapy, Blaziken's cracked ribs will take days to heal instead of weeks; Psymakio's broken ribs will take weeks to heal instead of months; Blaziken's shattered arms will take months to heal instead of never being usable again.
Human medical tech is less advanced than Pokemon tech, mainly because Pokemon are the ones typically getting these numerous injuries. There is a degree of crossover in the two branches of treatment---for example, Blissey therapy works on humans with only slightly reduced effect, and detoxification for poisons work about the same for humans and Pokemon---but the more complex medical treatment, namely the powerful potions, are designed for Pokemon (who have better healing abilities than humans anyway) and won't work on humans. Despite this, human medical tech is still better than our own. Flannery, who suffered some cracked ribs at the hands of Ariados, will be mended up within a few days. Slash, whose injuries were much more extensive, will still be in the hospital at the beginning of chapter 30, even with a month-long timeskip.
As for religions, there are indeed multiple religions in the Sinners world; Jirachism is merely the dominant religion of Hoenn. It's not meant to be in the spotlight yet; the basic gist of it is that Jirachi is the god figure, and there is no knowledge of Arceus at all in the current Sinners timeline (though, as mentioned in one of my oneshots, there were stories about Arceus in the old Kingdom). One commonality in the major religions, however, is the prohibition against romantic/sexual relationships between Pokemon and humans, much like homosexuality in the three Abrahamic religions. However, despite this, not everyone who follows these religions is a vehement orthodox believer; like Flannery, there are people who don't take all the stuff literally. The Pokemon League of Hoenn is actually becoming more progressive, as mentioned with its acceptance of Dark-types in sanctioned battles (and the first Dark-user member of the Elite Four, not yet mentioned).
Unfortunately, comparing human/Pokemon relationships with our world's treatment of homosexuality doesn't quite capture it properly; these major religions view it more like bestiality; despite the undisputed fact that Pokemon are sentient, humans and Pokemon are not declared as equals by any of those religions. The conflict with Jirachism will be one of the major focuses of the third arc. The comparisons between the common treatment of Pokemon and slavery will also come later.
I'll be focusing on Sinners for the foreseeable future, but oneshots from several different universes will always be a possibility, since they're less time-consuming and mind-consuming. That Zelda oneshot will likely end up being started the next time I feel like playing through Twilight Princess...it'll actually probably be a multi-chapter deal, maybe five chapters of decent length.
And no, there isn't. I know very little about World of Warcraft, most of which is from South Park. XD
schedule
September 4, 2009 at 12:00 AM
wow, this chapter was epic, like lord of the rings epic. i loved so much of this chapter i can't even fit it all into a review, but i also have a few minor concerns along with praises to give.
first: slash was stabbed, shot, and beaten into the ground and yet he began to loose consciousness only when his lung was filling up with blood...okay, in my opinion only a person heavily doped on drugs can keep functioning as he did with these injuries, he'd have gone into shock probably right after he was shot in the leg. but nonetheless his superhuman ability to survive what i can only come to the conclusion as mortal wounds was wonderful. yeah i knew he was gonna survive because he's the protagonist but that doesn't mean he has to keep all his limbs and such. ultimately it made for a real dramatic conclusion to the chapter and in the end it only felt out of place when i reflected on the chapter after finishing it. he defied the laws of biology and physics a bit, but that just makes him appear that much more determined and powerful of a character, so i'd have to give you a thumbs up on this one.
second: torkoal...he was definitely a bad ass, and you gave him a perfect personality. it certainly felt natural for him to act the way he did given his age and experience, and his death gave his fight that much more weight. the old must make way for the young, and in this chapter, and with this character, you have perfectly hit home on this rule. he was a warrior who died a hero and i never expected it to be that way this early in the story...he will be missed
third: the lord of the sky himself. you definitely captured his power and majesty wonderfully, he was exactly how i imagined him to be and in regard to this chapter you exceeded all my expectations for him.
forth: kiako. omg kiako... sheer awesomeness. he reminds me of gannondorf if he was thrown into the universe of grand theft auto. his unstable personality, his ego, everything about him just screamed ultimate evil and he holds a great place in this story. it almost seems like, if he never became a part of team rocket he could have turn out differently. he's almost like a fallen hero to me and if you compare his role to a role like darth vader, he seems so much more tragic, and even more evil, like his level of instability has barely even been hinted at. and i give you two thumbs up here because in this chapter, as he was interacting with psymakio and when he was about to level the rest of the city, i felt sorry, near pity, for him. he's a wonderful character and a superb antagonist and i can't wait to see how he develops further.
fifth: okay, this one will be a bit to explain. in the battle between slash and kiako, it seemed like they flirted with death too much. when it came to kiako's pokemon, it's almost expected that they'd be too tough to die but psymakio and slash seemed like they had the invincibility from the mario games. i definitely worried for them, and it magnified their situation but looking back on it, it just felt like they cheated death just a tad too much. it's not really a complaint more a concern. there are many more battles to come, and i think it would be wise to take care of the subtitles of them a bit more. for example, when rayquaza gave psymakio some of his energy to teleport he told her the transfer of energy might kill her. okay yeah it might have, and i certainly got the idea that it was dangerous for them to do, but i knew she was gonna live, maybe not unharmed but still live. i think there it would have been more appropriate to put him saying it 'will' kill her because her living after it would have made her seem that much more powerful, certainly in the eyes of rayquaza, having his assessment of her condition be incorrect. with it the way it is, it felt to me kinda like the dialog leveled the drama of the situation. it didn't distract from it, or pull it down, but it didn't really heighten it either. i certainly don't think you a god at writing, nor believe you must meet and surpass my expectations every time and on everything, but i hope that you could at least understand the point i'm trying to make here.
six:...wow this is going on long, i'll try and speed it up. the rape of katarina. again this isn't a complaint. i certainly felt that a peice of the story was missing from when she was isolating herself and to when she stood between kiako and slash, but it wasn't ignored in the chapter. i don't think the way she acted in this chapter at all strange and i know that there are many interpretations of how one will act after such a horrific crime is committed on someone. a friend of mine had this happen to her too so i know there is no one way a person can act after it very well. i am looking forward to how she deals with it after the fact in the next chapters too. it's a difficult topic to write about in a serious manor; however, i feel you did a good job portraying her reaction as well as everyone else.
seventh, and final: at the end of the chapter with the volcano about to blow there was a lot of dialog and i felt that you could have included a bit more of the volcano erupting in there. i just felt that we could have been reminded that they were in the blast zone of an active volcano more, and that ash and boulders and the like were pummeling them. and at the very end with everyone riding on rayquaza's back looking at the sunrise, it reminded me of the ending to "empire strikes back" where luke and leia are looking out into space and the rebel fleet. in both endings the characters have come a long way, learning many lessons and have lost a great deal to their adversaries, and knowing they have a lot more to learn and if they're not careful a lot more to loose. i don't know if it was you're intention to make this connection or if this was accidental or what have you, but it was a happy ending and a sobering one too.
i hope i didn't come off as an ass or anything, i'm nitpicking here and felt like sharing my opinions on this chapter. i've been reading this story since last year when i stumbled on it and you haven't lost my interest yet. i look eagerly forward to the rest of the story and personally i am more than willing to wait a while if it's necessary and in this case it definitely was worth the wait.
first: slash was stabbed, shot, and beaten into the ground and yet he began to loose consciousness only when his lung was filling up with blood...okay, in my opinion only a person heavily doped on drugs can keep functioning as he did with these injuries, he'd have gone into shock probably right after he was shot in the leg. but nonetheless his superhuman ability to survive what i can only come to the conclusion as mortal wounds was wonderful. yeah i knew he was gonna survive because he's the protagonist but that doesn't mean he has to keep all his limbs and such. ultimately it made for a real dramatic conclusion to the chapter and in the end it only felt out of place when i reflected on the chapter after finishing it. he defied the laws of biology and physics a bit, but that just makes him appear that much more determined and powerful of a character, so i'd have to give you a thumbs up on this one.
second: torkoal...he was definitely a bad ass, and you gave him a perfect personality. it certainly felt natural for him to act the way he did given his age and experience, and his death gave his fight that much more weight. the old must make way for the young, and in this chapter, and with this character, you have perfectly hit home on this rule. he was a warrior who died a hero and i never expected it to be that way this early in the story...he will be missed
third: the lord of the sky himself. you definitely captured his power and majesty wonderfully, he was exactly how i imagined him to be and in regard to this chapter you exceeded all my expectations for him.
forth: kiako. omg kiako... sheer awesomeness. he reminds me of gannondorf if he was thrown into the universe of grand theft auto. his unstable personality, his ego, everything about him just screamed ultimate evil and he holds a great place in this story. it almost seems like, if he never became a part of team rocket he could have turn out differently. he's almost like a fallen hero to me and if you compare his role to a role like darth vader, he seems so much more tragic, and even more evil, like his level of instability has barely even been hinted at. and i give you two thumbs up here because in this chapter, as he was interacting with psymakio and when he was about to level the rest of the city, i felt sorry, near pity, for him. he's a wonderful character and a superb antagonist and i can't wait to see how he develops further.
fifth: okay, this one will be a bit to explain. in the battle between slash and kiako, it seemed like they flirted with death too much. when it came to kiako's pokemon, it's almost expected that they'd be too tough to die but psymakio and slash seemed like they had the invincibility from the mario games. i definitely worried for them, and it magnified their situation but looking back on it, it just felt like they cheated death just a tad too much. it's not really a complaint more a concern. there are many more battles to come, and i think it would be wise to take care of the subtitles of them a bit more. for example, when rayquaza gave psymakio some of his energy to teleport he told her the transfer of energy might kill her. okay yeah it might have, and i certainly got the idea that it was dangerous for them to do, but i knew she was gonna live, maybe not unharmed but still live. i think there it would have been more appropriate to put him saying it 'will' kill her because her living after it would have made her seem that much more powerful, certainly in the eyes of rayquaza, having his assessment of her condition be incorrect. with it the way it is, it felt to me kinda like the dialog leveled the drama of the situation. it didn't distract from it, or pull it down, but it didn't really heighten it either. i certainly don't think you a god at writing, nor believe you must meet and surpass my expectations every time and on everything, but i hope that you could at least understand the point i'm trying to make here.
six:...wow this is going on long, i'll try and speed it up. the rape of katarina. again this isn't a complaint. i certainly felt that a peice of the story was missing from when she was isolating herself and to when she stood between kiako and slash, but it wasn't ignored in the chapter. i don't think the way she acted in this chapter at all strange and i know that there are many interpretations of how one will act after such a horrific crime is committed on someone. a friend of mine had this happen to her too so i know there is no one way a person can act after it very well. i am looking forward to how she deals with it after the fact in the next chapters too. it's a difficult topic to write about in a serious manor; however, i feel you did a good job portraying her reaction as well as everyone else.
seventh, and final: at the end of the chapter with the volcano about to blow there was a lot of dialog and i felt that you could have included a bit more of the volcano erupting in there. i just felt that we could have been reminded that they were in the blast zone of an active volcano more, and that ash and boulders and the like were pummeling them. and at the very end with everyone riding on rayquaza's back looking at the sunrise, it reminded me of the ending to "empire strikes back" where luke and leia are looking out into space and the rebel fleet. in both endings the characters have come a long way, learning many lessons and have lost a great deal to their adversaries, and knowing they have a lot more to learn and if they're not careful a lot more to loose. i don't know if it was you're intention to make this connection or if this was accidental or what have you, but it was a happy ending and a sobering one too.
i hope i didn't come off as an ass or anything, i'm nitpicking here and felt like sharing my opinions on this chapter. i've been reading this story since last year when i stumbled on it and you haven't lost my interest yet. i look eagerly forward to the rest of the story and personally i am more than willing to wait a while if it's necessary and in this case it definitely was worth the wait.
schedule
September 4, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Wow, man!! Excellent work!! It took me a whole week to read it, but I don't care. It's awesome!
schedule
September 3, 2009 at 12:00 AM
hey greate work i was bening to think that yo may take far longer to update but thanks i was wordth it i had to re read from the bery begining so i could remember this fic greate work can't wait for more keep it up
schedule
September 2, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Oh, this is going to end badly.
schedule
September 2, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Good to see more, and a whole heaping load of more it was. It was delicious.
That aside, it has been somewhat disheartening to imagine growlithe's perspective in all this, but hopefully Flannery trains him and blah blah he'll be good. Other'n that having the cacnea semi-worthless is somewhat counted on I guess so I'll bear with for a while.
Anyways, hopefully not too much comes in the way of that next chapter, and hopefully the reviews don't turn into a horrific flame-war. I won't even try to explain why, it'd probably just make things worse.
Regards,
Max
That aside, it has been somewhat disheartening to imagine growlithe's perspective in all this, but hopefully Flannery trains him and blah blah he'll be good. Other'n that having the cacnea semi-worthless is somewhat counted on I guess so I'll bear with for a while.
Anyways, hopefully not too much comes in the way of that next chapter, and hopefully the reviews don't turn into a horrific flame-war. I won't even try to explain why, it'd probably just make things worse.
Regards,
Max
schedule
September 2, 2009 at 12:00 AM
ragdoll---Heh, amazing lucky considered how rarely I update. Like finding a shiny Pokemon or something. XD
Even after all the positive reviews, I still don't think I'm that good at writing battles...but indeed, I did enjoy giving the Pokemon a chance to shine. Growlithe's moment is yet to come; he's acknowledged that his power is inferior to his packmates, and he'll dedicate himself to catching up. It helps that a certain Fire-user Gym Leader is buddies with them now, huh? :-D
Kiako's false bottom falling out is the best description I've heard for his near-breakdown. For all of his power and pride, he's still human (if only partly), and unsure of his origins, purpose, and his place in the world. I'm eager to write the first reappearance of Kiako, mending at Rocket Headquarters, and all the conflicting thoughts swirling through his mind. He may have a few questions for Giovanni, as well...
The name melding is a complete coincidence (although it's also an awesome guess, and indeed fits perfectly in an accidental way). The name Kiako is one that I thought up waaaay back in middle school---thought up at random because it sounded Japanese to me, as I was an anime dork from the first time I saw DBZ, lol. Miyako was chosen because it sounded pretty and had an appropriate meaning (Slash even used it as a base for Psymakio's name; how he knew what it meant...well, don't ask too many questions, lol...). Quiero...the whole want and desire meaning drew me to it. So yeah, totally a coincidence with Kiako, but a cool one, heh.
I knew that I'd be making Torkoal the strongest of the good guys' Pokemon when I began the chapter, but he evolved into an ancient badass during my writing, heh. The only one of the good guys' Pokemon capable of matching (and even overwhelming) the incredible powerful Rocket Pokemon, honorable, willing to die to protect his teammates...unfortunately that meant that he was most likely to be killed, too. I thought about writing the final clash between him and Drapion---two mortally wounded Pokemon ending their lives with a final duel---but leaving it calm and ambiguous looked a lot more...well, fitting.
Kiako's Pokemon definitely believe in his pursuits, to the point of willing to die for it. And while Kiako isn't a swell guy, he's willing to risk his life for them, as well. The Rockets in Sinners generally train and bond with their own Pokemon (though likely not as closely as Kiako and his Pokemon), but this is not an absolute; the process of "mind breaking", which has only been alluded to thus far, will be a subversion of this, and only the most monstrous Rockets will use Pokemon that have been forced into doing their bidding.
And heh, I liked writing a (fairly) happy ending, too.
General Review---I don't intend to stop for a long time, and my break between uploading Cataclysm and starting the next chapter is only a few days; I plan to start writing chapter 30 tomorrow.
J. Winter---I am pleased to see people recognizing the references. It'll never get to the point of actual DT stuff showing up---even things like the Black Thirteen are taken in name only---but I'd be lying if I said that I don't enjoy sneaking in a few references now and then, heh. It'll be limited, though.
Jack Nativity---You're still reading Sinners! :-D
It takes no great predicative power to see the rape coming---Rayquaza is gravely concerned over the fact that the Aquas won't kill her but may hurt her, and all the possibilities that implies. He was clawing through hundreds of humans and thousands of Pokemon for a week trying to find her, and not just because his own well-being was on the line.
Sorry if you didn't think it was realistic---I am certainly not an expert. I just preferred to use my limited experience as the basis for the reaction because it's something I saw first-hand, since even a great deal of research cannot replicate seeing a loved one go through such an ordeal. There is, of course, a great deal of difference between being brave enough to go outside and take care of one's cats and being brave enough to stand down a brutal criminal with a gun and an iron monster for backup---but the reason for both actions is the same; something to cling to, something to help one forget. The possibility of Katarina wanting to be killed in the course of her duties is also something that cannot be ignored.
The main issue with Slash's dealings with Katarina is the issue of time. A volcano is threatening to destroy a large portion of the country, a god is near death, and the guys who want to destroy the world are dangerously close to succeeding. He did what I would have done (and I again defend this by stating that I'm only willing to operate on my personal observations)---leaving the "healing" care to the females who don't seem to scare her, and, when time began running out, nudging her with the reminder that she has something depending on her. This is only the beginning of Katarina's recovery---when she is brought to Mauville, no longer the Sky Maiden and forced to confront what happened, that courage may break down. And since Rayquaza can't hang around Mauville while everyone recovers...she'll have to do it without her best friend's help and rely on her new and still-unfamiliar friends, one of whom is going through her own loss.
Again, sorry if you thought it was portrayed poorly. I did my best to keep it strictly non-fetishized and keep the reactions (both of Katarina and Slash/Flannery's packs) as realistic as I could. Considering that it's a world of god-dragons and magical egg-guardians, I would argue that my extrapolation wasn't entirely unreasonable, but hey, you don't like it, that's your right.
Incidentally, Slash being a "Pokemon vigilante" is actually a rather nice description of him. As he discussed in the desert, he's rapidly becoming uncomfortable with the typical trainer lifestyle, from the use of friends in fights for sport to the hit-and-run training tactics against wild Pokemon. At the risk of spoiling some future chapters, I can tell you that Slash will, in fact, eventually rebel against the trainer system, abandoning the Gym Leader quest and the random battles and only fighting against those who are trying to fuck up the world...and on the way he will fight against what he and his pack perceive as abuse against Pokemon, as well (the slavery parallel with Pokemon ownership is another future issue in the story). Indeed, he is a vigilante who will fight on behalf of Pokemon and a vigilante who uses Pokemon to protect what he holds dear. This is, in fact, his whole character---becoming the new Prince figure who must protect both human and Pokemon alike while trying not to become a tyrant in the process. Very observant! :-D
Thanks for your continued reading! Should you continue doing so, I hope that you eventually find something you like in the story someday! :-D
Skyler---Nah.
Max---Heh, showing the chapter (and the last few chapters, in fact) from Growlithe's perspective would indeed be a little sad. He started out as Slash's first Pokemon, his original Kaishakunin. Now he's fallen behind, both in terms of power and importance to the pack (he would not be jealous of Psymakio, though; if anything he'd be worried about failing her in front of Slash). As I mentioned, he will indeed be training with Flannery and her Pokemon, and since he's the only member of Slash's pack to come out of the Cataclysm mostly unscathed, he'll have plenty of time to do it.
His moment is yet to come, but it'll come. And after the month-long timeskip, Cacnea will be growing his spikes and reaching the age of becoming battle-capable---and Slash did promise to train him eventually.
Vyers---Knowing that Sinners is compelling enough to keep the attention of people who don't like it is actually kinda neat, lol.
And as previously mentioned, she wasn't fine---a better description would be in denial---although yes, it will be continued to be dealt with in the next chapter. She'll eventually get a "happy ending"---or as happy as one can get after losing her family, her town, and her innocence. I don't mind spoiling the story to say that much.
Even after all the positive reviews, I still don't think I'm that good at writing battles...but indeed, I did enjoy giving the Pokemon a chance to shine. Growlithe's moment is yet to come; he's acknowledged that his power is inferior to his packmates, and he'll dedicate himself to catching up. It helps that a certain Fire-user Gym Leader is buddies with them now, huh? :-D
Kiako's false bottom falling out is the best description I've heard for his near-breakdown. For all of his power and pride, he's still human (if only partly), and unsure of his origins, purpose, and his place in the world. I'm eager to write the first reappearance of Kiako, mending at Rocket Headquarters, and all the conflicting thoughts swirling through his mind. He may have a few questions for Giovanni, as well...
The name melding is a complete coincidence (although it's also an awesome guess, and indeed fits perfectly in an accidental way). The name Kiako is one that I thought up waaaay back in middle school---thought up at random because it sounded Japanese to me, as I was an anime dork from the first time I saw DBZ, lol. Miyako was chosen because it sounded pretty and had an appropriate meaning (Slash even used it as a base for Psymakio's name; how he knew what it meant...well, don't ask too many questions, lol...). Quiero...the whole want and desire meaning drew me to it. So yeah, totally a coincidence with Kiako, but a cool one, heh.
I knew that I'd be making Torkoal the strongest of the good guys' Pokemon when I began the chapter, but he evolved into an ancient badass during my writing, heh. The only one of the good guys' Pokemon capable of matching (and even overwhelming) the incredible powerful Rocket Pokemon, honorable, willing to die to protect his teammates...unfortunately that meant that he was most likely to be killed, too. I thought about writing the final clash between him and Drapion---two mortally wounded Pokemon ending their lives with a final duel---but leaving it calm and ambiguous looked a lot more...well, fitting.
Kiako's Pokemon definitely believe in his pursuits, to the point of willing to die for it. And while Kiako isn't a swell guy, he's willing to risk his life for them, as well. The Rockets in Sinners generally train and bond with their own Pokemon (though likely not as closely as Kiako and his Pokemon), but this is not an absolute; the process of "mind breaking", which has only been alluded to thus far, will be a subversion of this, and only the most monstrous Rockets will use Pokemon that have been forced into doing their bidding.
And heh, I liked writing a (fairly) happy ending, too.
General Review---I don't intend to stop for a long time, and my break between uploading Cataclysm and starting the next chapter is only a few days; I plan to start writing chapter 30 tomorrow.
J. Winter---I am pleased to see people recognizing the references. It'll never get to the point of actual DT stuff showing up---even things like the Black Thirteen are taken in name only---but I'd be lying if I said that I don't enjoy sneaking in a few references now and then, heh. It'll be limited, though.
Jack Nativity---You're still reading Sinners! :-D
It takes no great predicative power to see the rape coming---Rayquaza is gravely concerned over the fact that the Aquas won't kill her but may hurt her, and all the possibilities that implies. He was clawing through hundreds of humans and thousands of Pokemon for a week trying to find her, and not just because his own well-being was on the line.
Sorry if you didn't think it was realistic---I am certainly not an expert. I just preferred to use my limited experience as the basis for the reaction because it's something I saw first-hand, since even a great deal of research cannot replicate seeing a loved one go through such an ordeal. There is, of course, a great deal of difference between being brave enough to go outside and take care of one's cats and being brave enough to stand down a brutal criminal with a gun and an iron monster for backup---but the reason for both actions is the same; something to cling to, something to help one forget. The possibility of Katarina wanting to be killed in the course of her duties is also something that cannot be ignored.
The main issue with Slash's dealings with Katarina is the issue of time. A volcano is threatening to destroy a large portion of the country, a god is near death, and the guys who want to destroy the world are dangerously close to succeeding. He did what I would have done (and I again defend this by stating that I'm only willing to operate on my personal observations)---leaving the "healing" care to the females who don't seem to scare her, and, when time began running out, nudging her with the reminder that she has something depending on her. This is only the beginning of Katarina's recovery---when she is brought to Mauville, no longer the Sky Maiden and forced to confront what happened, that courage may break down. And since Rayquaza can't hang around Mauville while everyone recovers...she'll have to do it without her best friend's help and rely on her new and still-unfamiliar friends, one of whom is going through her own loss.
Again, sorry if you thought it was portrayed poorly. I did my best to keep it strictly non-fetishized and keep the reactions (both of Katarina and Slash/Flannery's packs) as realistic as I could. Considering that it's a world of god-dragons and magical egg-guardians, I would argue that my extrapolation wasn't entirely unreasonable, but hey, you don't like it, that's your right.
Incidentally, Slash being a "Pokemon vigilante" is actually a rather nice description of him. As he discussed in the desert, he's rapidly becoming uncomfortable with the typical trainer lifestyle, from the use of friends in fights for sport to the hit-and-run training tactics against wild Pokemon. At the risk of spoiling some future chapters, I can tell you that Slash will, in fact, eventually rebel against the trainer system, abandoning the Gym Leader quest and the random battles and only fighting against those who are trying to fuck up the world...and on the way he will fight against what he and his pack perceive as abuse against Pokemon, as well (the slavery parallel with Pokemon ownership is another future issue in the story). Indeed, he is a vigilante who will fight on behalf of Pokemon and a vigilante who uses Pokemon to protect what he holds dear. This is, in fact, his whole character---becoming the new Prince figure who must protect both human and Pokemon alike while trying not to become a tyrant in the process. Very observant! :-D
Thanks for your continued reading! Should you continue doing so, I hope that you eventually find something you like in the story someday! :-D
Skyler---Nah.
Max---Heh, showing the chapter (and the last few chapters, in fact) from Growlithe's perspective would indeed be a little sad. He started out as Slash's first Pokemon, his original Kaishakunin. Now he's fallen behind, both in terms of power and importance to the pack (he would not be jealous of Psymakio, though; if anything he'd be worried about failing her in front of Slash). As I mentioned, he will indeed be training with Flannery and her Pokemon, and since he's the only member of Slash's pack to come out of the Cataclysm mostly unscathed, he'll have plenty of time to do it.
His moment is yet to come, but it'll come. And after the month-long timeskip, Cacnea will be growing his spikes and reaching the age of becoming battle-capable---and Slash did promise to train him eventually.
Vyers---Knowing that Sinners is compelling enough to keep the attention of people who don't like it is actually kinda neat, lol.
And as previously mentioned, she wasn't fine---a better description would be in denial---although yes, it will be continued to be dealt with in the next chapter. She'll eventually get a "happy ending"---or as happy as one can get after losing her family, her town, and her innocence. I don't mind spoiling the story to say that much.