schedule
April 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Hee...! When Raito nudged his shoes into perfect alignment out of embarrassed discomfort-- so cute! I can also totally picture L just hopping onto the bed and oggling.
"He just needed to regain the upper hand and everything would be fine." So Raito. Soooooooooooooo him. It made me grin and then get distracted giggling. Just... the entire image of him standing there all uncomfy with his arms crossed in his skivvies. I love that image...!!!!!
And Raito arguing against the thought that he'd been afraid of touching another man-- very masculine fear. I tried to keep a straight face and failed totally! And... and...! L's version of his face 'lighting up' being an almost-smile...! I was distracted from drooling at how absolutely gut-clenchingly well you write foreplay by a fit of giggles at L being... L.
Ahh, don't be at all disliking of this chapter! (I know you will anyway, but.) Your descriptions are beautiful...! It makes me not want to write lemons because I can't write that well!!! This had emotion and power to it.
Heheh, I think I'm one of those stalking-across-sites people! Juuust possibly. I think I'll reread this chapter later soon-- and the whole story. And... for some reason this and the last chapter made me think of one scene from each in a full-page comic layout, so I want to see if I can manage that. If I can't, just imagine it and think happy thoughts!
It's 4:22 a.m., but I haven't had the internet in days! I wasn't ignoring the story. I just saw that you'd updated and believe me, I grinned like mad. I'm writing this in notepad, so it miiight be longer than I'm thinking. Oh well! I really like this chapter. L managed to be dominant but allowing Raito to get the upper hand often enough to feel like he was winning, and Raito was just... adorable. Seriously.
So! Now that's read, I'm gonna go pass out.
"He just needed to regain the upper hand and everything would be fine." So Raito. Soooooooooooooo him. It made me grin and then get distracted giggling. Just... the entire image of him standing there all uncomfy with his arms crossed in his skivvies. I love that image...!!!!!
And Raito arguing against the thought that he'd been afraid of touching another man-- very masculine fear. I tried to keep a straight face and failed totally! And... and...! L's version of his face 'lighting up' being an almost-smile...! I was distracted from drooling at how absolutely gut-clenchingly well you write foreplay by a fit of giggles at L being... L.
Ahh, don't be at all disliking of this chapter! (I know you will anyway, but.) Your descriptions are beautiful...! It makes me not want to write lemons because I can't write that well!!! This had emotion and power to it.
Heheh, I think I'm one of those stalking-across-sites people! Juuust possibly. I think I'll reread this chapter later soon-- and the whole story. And... for some reason this and the last chapter made me think of one scene from each in a full-page comic layout, so I want to see if I can manage that. If I can't, just imagine it and think happy thoughts!
It's 4:22 a.m., but I haven't had the internet in days! I wasn't ignoring the story. I just saw that you'd updated and believe me, I grinned like mad. I'm writing this in notepad, so it miiight be longer than I'm thinking. Oh well! I really like this chapter. L managed to be dominant but allowing Raito to get the upper hand often enough to feel like he was winning, and Raito was just... adorable. Seriously.
So! Now that's read, I'm gonna go pass out.
schedule
April 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Woohoo! This is one of my faves. A little awkward with the sex scene but I imagine they would be if Ratio (Light) hadn't planned ahead for it. Will they go on a date you think? Heh, will L paint him anyway? Or maybe Raitio will paint L? Really enjoying it can't wait for the next chappie!
schedule
April 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Alright! I cheated you out of a good review last chapter, so, here is my penance =)
"Raito-kun should be less fretful about his footwear positioning and more concerned about his state of near-undress."
Oh, Raito and his OCD. I really like that the sex scene starts with this and ends up with them both breaking compsure compltely. Because from how it starts, one would imagine the most calculated sex in the world. (Reminds me of one of my ex's. Whenever I would try to get him into it by whispering things sultrily, he would come back with things like 'fellatio please!' in a normal voice. >->)
"he’d probably end up storming into work and firing his staff out of sheer frustration."
'Why is Raito firing us?' Misa pouted. Matsuda sighed. The man may have sounded dumb some times, but he knew the problem-- Raito just wasn't getting any. He kept this comment to himself, though, because, knowing Misa, she would try to get their jobs back in vain. *snicker*
"...enty seven percent."
Oh no! Return of the percentages at the most awkward of moments!
"Raito realized with horror that he was smelling him and flushed deeply, mortified."
*facepalm* Hahahahahahahaha... you can't paint a smell, L... or can you? Oh dear...
“Raito-kun should not…not do such a thing unless he wants this encounter to be…a lot shorter than planned.”
Oh, L... so stiff... But so perfectly in character =)
"till the brunette was seeing white spots, his toes curling, body tensing."
I really like how you combined all three of these when most writers choose one (even though all three happen...)
"But I'll try."
Hahaha... *cues foreboding music*
Random phrases I read over and over again, amused in one way or another: "eyelids fluttering over too-lucid obsidian,""Petrified but in a manly way"
Haha! Done reading now. I can't believe you didn't like this chapter! This was the best sex scene I've read for Raito and L thus far! I mean, I was thinking about it the entire time I was reading. Of all the doujin I've translated and all the fanfiction I've read, none of them really capture L as well as you do ESPECIALLY when it comes to sex. Your L is spot on every time. On top of that, your Raito as an uke was believable as well... and very well written. This entire scene was just... wow. It was described flawlessly in vivid detail. I mean, I feel like all along I've been reading Raito/L sex scenes in black and white and someone finally came along and added color. Seriously, this chapter is amazing.
*coughs* So, there is a long ass review. I think it's the longest one I've ever given... I feel so odd. I not only give you a book of a review, I'm also one of the ones who chases you XD Hahaha. Well, enjoy your break. We'll miss you. I'll be looking forward to May! =)
~Ame
"Raito-kun should be less fretful about his footwear positioning and more concerned about his state of near-undress."
Oh, Raito and his OCD. I really like that the sex scene starts with this and ends up with them both breaking compsure compltely. Because from how it starts, one would imagine the most calculated sex in the world. (Reminds me of one of my ex's. Whenever I would try to get him into it by whispering things sultrily, he would come back with things like 'fellatio please!' in a normal voice. >->)
"he’d probably end up storming into work and firing his staff out of sheer frustration."
'Why is Raito firing us?' Misa pouted. Matsuda sighed. The man may have sounded dumb some times, but he knew the problem-- Raito just wasn't getting any. He kept this comment to himself, though, because, knowing Misa, she would try to get their jobs back in vain. *snicker*
"...enty seven percent."
Oh no! Return of the percentages at the most awkward of moments!
"Raito realized with horror that he was smelling him and flushed deeply, mortified."
*facepalm* Hahahahahahahaha... you can't paint a smell, L... or can you? Oh dear...
“Raito-kun should not…not do such a thing unless he wants this encounter to be…a lot shorter than planned.”
Oh, L... so stiff... But so perfectly in character =)
"till the brunette was seeing white spots, his toes curling, body tensing."
I really like how you combined all three of these when most writers choose one (even though all three happen...)
"But I'll try."
Hahaha... *cues foreboding music*
Random phrases I read over and over again, amused in one way or another: "eyelids fluttering over too-lucid obsidian,""Petrified but in a manly way"
Haha! Done reading now. I can't believe you didn't like this chapter! This was the best sex scene I've read for Raito and L thus far! I mean, I was thinking about it the entire time I was reading. Of all the doujin I've translated and all the fanfiction I've read, none of them really capture L as well as you do ESPECIALLY when it comes to sex. Your L is spot on every time. On top of that, your Raito as an uke was believable as well... and very well written. This entire scene was just... wow. It was described flawlessly in vivid detail. I mean, I feel like all along I've been reading Raito/L sex scenes in black and white and someone finally came along and added color. Seriously, this chapter is amazing.
*coughs* So, there is a long ass review. I think it's the longest one I've ever given... I feel so odd. I not only give you a book of a review, I'm also one of the ones who chases you XD Hahaha. Well, enjoy your break. We'll miss you. I'll be looking forward to May! =)
~Ame
schedule
April 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I loved this chapter... it was so lovely to imagine them doing all that stuff together. >=D
schedule
April 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
@ @
0
PWOAR!!... *faints*
i think that covers it!
gr8 fic!!!
xxxxxxxx
0
PWOAR!!... *faints*
i think that covers it!
gr8 fic!!!
xxxxxxxx
schedule
April 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
That was wonderfully written. I am enoying reading this so far. Keep up the great work. Shame that they're won't be any updates for awhile though.
schedule
April 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I loved it! it was so cute seeing Raito all nervous and uncertain-- but it was just wonderful! X3 might have to read it again!! XD
schedule
April 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
i really like your story!!! i think it's very well written~
it has all the things that a good story needs! your a great writer!
however' i liked you other chapters alot better- i think the last one can improve...
but i still think you're an amazing writer and i hope you'll update soon! cause i know the next update will be wonderful again!!
sorry if i sounded mean...:(
Karush^-^
it has all the things that a good story needs! your a great writer!
however' i liked you other chapters alot better- i think the last one can improve...
but i still think you're an amazing writer and i hope you'll update soon! cause i know the next update will be wonderful again!!
sorry if i sounded mean...:(
Karush^-^
schedule
April 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Hmm. It was written well... but it feels like... you maybe weren't 100% satisfied with certain parts of it while you were writing it? if that makes sense?
Like... there's a occasionally this hesitation where things seem to slow down or speed up where they shouldn't... :/
I mean... it's not bad... it's just... not the best thing you've written.
[::ducks.:: I feel bad saying that... since I normally LOVE everything you write.]
Like... there's a occasionally this hesitation where things seem to slow down or speed up where they shouldn't... :/
I mean... it's not bad... it's just... not the best thing you've written.
[::ducks.:: I feel bad saying that... since I normally LOVE everything you write.]
schedule
April 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Excellent job. Thank you so much for posting the eagerly anticipated lemon. You did an outstanding job and thus deserve to be praised for it. Please update again when possible.