rate_review Reviews

All dammnit, why'd it end? I was all into it!

a few points on this story. your opening was weak, and the only thing that kept me going at first was the plot. your writing improved over the course of the 9 chapters. my advice to you is to use more details, be vivid. uh in the self gratification scene, how the heck did lina know that gourry was there molesting himself if the story is in first person? that kind of doesnt go dude. but otherwise its enjoyable. i hope you're going to delve into the jewel more. your characterization needs a little more work. its not on point yet, but its getting there.