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for Breaking Point

by HitomiBrighteyes

person Aronim
schedule February 19, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Really, one of the best pieces of smut i've read in a long time. Brilliant writing which shows tenderness, eagerness and the slight awkwardness of this first encounter, even though they seem rather skilled at that. Great job.

I'd like to point out though, that you have a tendency to write sentences like "His mouth TRAVELLING up from her breast to close over her shoulder and sharp teeth nipped just hard enough to sting, marking her pale skin with a bright splash of pink." It should be written "
His mouth TRAVELLED up from her breast to close over her shoulder and sharp teeth nipped just hard enough to sting, marking her pale skin with a bright splash of pink." You have a lot of sentences like this, where you write a verb with the -ing ending, where you should just write the past tense.

I hope this critisism made sense, fantastic work overall.
schedule December 12, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I love Soul and Maka, and this was good! :]
schedule September 29, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Dear GOD, y'gotta love the kink memes. xD
I absolutely love finding literal works of pr0nz written with this kind of detail; it's almost like reading an actual, published short story book. So, all I can say is that I enjoyed reading this and that it was extremely well written. :3
person K. Yaslana
schedule July 17, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Just wanted to note that this was THE best adult-material fanfic I've read in the Soul Eater category. You got character personalities right and I absolutely LOVED how you utilized that piano! I really hope to see more from you in this area. You're realism is straight-forward but not crude. A true rarity. *5 +*
person ShadouRyoushi
schedule July 15, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Please, please, please Make a second chapter! Or maybe even a series similar to this one? It's one of the best Soka that I've read XD
person Anon
schedule June 16, 2009 at 12:00 AM
great story
person red
schedule February 11, 2009 at 12:00 AM
This was AWESOME. I think my favorite bit was Soul muttering sweet- nothings at the end, but honestly the whole set-up with the piano bench was FANTASTIC.
person Fuzzy Eared (not signed in)
schedule December 24, 2008 at 12:00 AM
*Nice* Though I've got to say that that would hurt!
person Anon
schedule December 20, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I like it.
person Darthmermer
schedule November 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Ooooh, loved it. Great and to the point...as it should be with those two.

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