rate_review Reviews

Chapter 7 was well written and spelling/grammar mistakes were virtually non-existent. You've generally used language to good effect in this chapter. You've also tried to delve into the psychology of your characters which gave them good personalities. However, I personally found the 'Iota' and 'Ariston' storylines to be actually quite dull namely due to unnecessary detail that wasn't exactly 'enjoyable' to read...I also thought they were a bit of an add-on and would've liked them to be slightly fast moving. The chapter was lenghty (which was good) and it should be (you take too much time to update).

That said, the story still has a lot of potential and is still very enjoyable to read, although it was a bit of a cliche at the end since I was expecting Michals to be saved at the last instant in this way. Far better would've been to just condemn him in order to shock the reader who knew that Michals would be saved at the end. I like the fact that you've given you're characters more 'shades of grey' personalities this time rather than the 'black and white' personalities found in earlier chapters.

To end on a positive note, you've put in an immense amount of work into the story and there seem to have done a lot of research into different terms and in finding the right words for the occassion. I look forward to the next chapter (which hopefully won't take too long) and will be following this story closely.

Somatose.

Well, it DOES take balls to end a chapter with multiple cliffhangers (you bastard) but I did enjoy the chapter.

Now come out with another, dammit.

Mitsua - I'm happy you enjoyed it

Cerebrate Fate - No violence more violence is needed! It's out, woo!! Oh, and by the way, my birthday is August 29th.

Seraph - Heh, Pokemon + Max Payne, sounds cool. I couldn't bring myself to write Pokemon in the traditional manner, like you said, it's much too childish. But I'm glad you like the story.

Jinko - Lol, Violence.

a wandering stranger - You must be balls deep in tea by now, but nonetheless, It's finally out, woo~

Xain - Oh god, the violence! On another note, I have no idea who Immortality is o_o.

Edward - I sure wish haste would work when I write...

David - Thanks for your review, David. I'm glad I could make you like my story so much. Happily, Chapter Seven is out now (and Chapter Eight will be soon to follow).

I must say, Bravo. You have taken a well warnout topic and breathed new life in to it. It takes alot of talent and creative thinking to do that and I congradulate you on your writing. What you have done no other fanfiction writer could do, you created a vivid picture that drew me into your story, caused me to read every word and left me wanting more. I want you to know that you have a gift that lets you take an story and make it your own. I egerly await your next posting.

"looks like we got a live one." *puts on scarry mask* "welcome to the world of waiting." "here you may sit and drink whatever, talk, or compete against others to see who is the most impatient as we all watch and wait for the glorious next chapter, that forbbiden fruit that hold the power to take us away from our boring lives and give us new meaning." *looks directly up with tears rolling dow my checks* "we await you great master to give unto us the golden treasure." "well now as for rule don't be loud and annoying or some one might challenge you to a fight, ( don't fight them), and if you are a troll cut your foot off and bleed out now. If your still reading this i'm obviously kidding. this what happens when you are bored and drunk.

funny line fate. XD

*drinking to a healthy liver* (XD)

feel-good-ologist
doctor T

Any time great master that you wish to give us the prize would be loved.
* looks up a sky* " come on Iota i know your watching us.

*still drinking to a healthy liver* (XD)

feel-good-ologist

doctor T

*2 weeks from now*

us: "...Iota when's chapter 7 come out?"

O_o................................................................ I've gotta get out of here,them they are coming to get me and i dont want to be the one to see them when the them geteses here to find the now me ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh O_o *fervantly looks around, screams, and runs headfirst into a tree*

tripping on acid
feel-good-ologist
Doctor T

Woot! I keeps mah manhood! and yet I'm sad... I almost wanted him to put it up this week...

O_o oh thats just painful in text but to feel that,,,,,, * shivers in fear of that much pain* but a dare is a dare; better booze up before then. speaking of, time for a beer run.

P.S. for your own safety stay if the roads for the next twelve hours


drunk and crashed into a tree by the time you read this