rate_review Reviews

Nooo, Dave! Noah/Luna forever!

I feel a bit bad for Jerry - he's really an observer in this whole debacle, having missed literally every major event, if only by a few minutes in some cases.

I hope for his sake, he gets the girl.

Can't wait for the next chapter!

Brilliant, as usual. I love your character development and fight scenes.

I was really for the pairing to be Noah/Lyn though.

Late review, but I really enjoyed the Christmas special.

Keep up the good work! :D

chapter 4 was pretty intense. I need to take a little break after reading it. I get so wrapped up in things it twists me around inside. Only a couple comments that I think might catch your interest. While the chapter itself is well structured, haveing so many nameless characters in one scene near the end was kind of confusing for me. I lost track of what voice belonged to what description. Of course thinking about it afterward it made sense, but while reading it I got all confused. Most likely just me there so ignore that. The battle played out well and your style with it is something I should emulate. The same goes for your character thinking to themselves. I'm not grammar savoy as a whole so I tend to make thoughts their own paragraphs instead of making them work like dialog.

It was aggravating to see such destruction so early, but in a good way. It reminds us that life can be a real bitch a lot of the time and gives us all that wake up call that we often need. Yet another thing for me to emulate. Overall well done, I will continue on as soon as I finish this here sentence, like so.

you killed cynthia...YOU KILLED CYNTHIA!!! Arg that made me upset. I think there's some goot review material for the chapter were you kill cynthia. Now, this is just my take on the characters, but I think your playing Cynthia and Cyrus all wrong. To me, Cyrus is an emotionless madman, not some emotional schizophrenic as he seems to come across in this. Cythia also acts like a little girl compared to how I envisioned her to act. She broke to easily. She would know she was going to die anyway, and with holding information would either result in her bleeding to death or being kept alive. Other than that whole interrogation at the end it was a good chapter. I'll get over you killing cynthia eventually. Its still a good story. But I really think the interrogation could use some work.

Due to your review I have decided to take a look see at what you have done here...I must say it is a lot better than what I have for an opening. I am intrigued and wish to read more and shall do so. I am a solid reviewer as that is how I started out so here goes. The opening in log form is very well done, your grasp on emotions and first person perspective is quite good. It's clear that this isn't going to be the happy hunky dory pokemon style we see in the anime or manga. The foundation for future chapters is laid out, and cemented so you have a solid base to build your story off of. I only noticed one grammatical error at the very beginning but quickly stopped paying attention to specifics as I got wrapped up in the characters and feelings of the log entries. I shall continue reading and give my two cents when I feel its necessary. I'm glad someone with your skill reviewed for me, I'm filled with a sense of awe.

Looks like my next two cents comes quicker than expected. A very good chapter. Makes me wonder if I should have dealt with the past first instead of going for the present in mine. I know I shouldn't be comparing the two, but I can't help it. It's clear from reading your story so far and one other, that mine may need a complete overhaul. I really like how your spending time filling in the past gaps for our little minds to go WOW at. I shall continue on and see what the rest of this wonderful tale has to tell.

An update! Balls yeah! Someone finally replaced me! XD

Very nice though. I love reading people's Christmas chapters.

no offence but Cynthia being beaten is pretty unbelieveable, i've played Platinum and even a few months since completing she still provides a reasonable challenge, and Cyrus is not a very good trainer anyway and the rest of tema galactic are worse still

despite my somewhat critical review earlier i must admit this is brilliantly written snd i can't wait for the next chapter.

i apologise if i was too critical but changing the plotline of the original fiction i s a pet hate of mine ever since my first story got flamed constantly for creating a character stronger than the original

keep up the good work