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person Anon
schedule June 16, 2009 at 12:00 AM
The mixture of languages is awkward to read, not to mention somewhat redundant since you need to translate all of it anyway.
If you're writing for yourself, that's fine, but you could think of your reader more.
Plus, the huge amounts of historical inaccuracy seem even more ill-fitting with the apparent attempt to make it more authentic with the hodge-podge of Japanese terms.

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