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August 13, 2011 at 12:00 AM
This was lots of fun. I liked the build-up to the final chapter (haha, I just jump right in) Very well done!
schedule
June 6, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Oh, goody... that was awesome. Uff... I'm red too.... the smex!
schedule
February 2, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Very good story ... thank you
schedule
February 1, 2009 at 12:00 AM
This was a damn good story. Just work on grammar and sentence structure and I think you got story telling nailed.
And here I thought I'd read a stupid story. So glad to see that I was way wrong. =D
And here I thought I'd read a stupid story. So glad to see that I was way wrong. =D
schedule
January 29, 2009 at 12:00 AM
That was great, i really enjoyed the storyline and the plot well done, I look forward to reading more of your work
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July 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
First, I just have to say that you are so incredibly cute. With the fuss you were putting up about this I was expecting something pretty graphic or intense and you're really only citrusy so far, no full fledged lemon. Not sure if you're planning to keep it on this level or plan to work your way up but either seems a viable and plausible way to go from here. Guess it just depends on what you're comfortable writing and also where you really want the story to go.
Without knowing the anime/manga it's hard for me to comment on characterization but within your story at least they are staying true to themselves and I haven't seen any random fluctuations that make me think 'where did that just come from?' You'd be surprised how rare that can be. You know it's good when a fanfic makes me want to go learn the original canon. ^_-
Your flow is good, the storyline is interesting, cohesive, and is THERE. Yay storylines! haha.
So though I don't yet know the background, will get to the anime one day, you've written well enough and interestingly enough that I'll definitely continue to follow along if you put any more additions on.
P.S. - as far as revisions: You switch Yako's sub-name between Hikaru and Hikari a few times. You also switch from past to present tense continually (though apparently I'm guilty of the same - isn't it funny how you can always see things in others that you're blind to in your own? well, it amuses me at least.) You've got a few misspellings and grammar issues but nothing that is so jolting it made me lose the flow of the story.
So all in all, huzzah! Very glad you posted ^_^
Without knowing the anime/manga it's hard for me to comment on characterization but within your story at least they are staying true to themselves and I haven't seen any random fluctuations that make me think 'where did that just come from?' You'd be surprised how rare that can be. You know it's good when a fanfic makes me want to go learn the original canon. ^_-
Your flow is good, the storyline is interesting, cohesive, and is THERE. Yay storylines! haha.
So though I don't yet know the background, will get to the anime one day, you've written well enough and interestingly enough that I'll definitely continue to follow along if you put any more additions on.
P.S. - as far as revisions: You switch Yako's sub-name between Hikaru and Hikari a few times. You also switch from past to present tense continually (though apparently I'm guilty of the same - isn't it funny how you can always see things in others that you're blind to in your own? well, it amuses me at least.) You've got a few misspellings and grammar issues but nothing that is so jolting it made me lose the flow of the story.
So all in all, huzzah! Very glad you posted ^_^