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December 18, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I. Am. In. LOVE! with this story!
Please update soon, I can't wait to see what happens to these two.
Please update soon, I can't wait to see what happens to these two.
schedule
March 21, 2009 at 12:00 AM
This made me cry! I just read this from the beginning without stopping, so this might seem a bit outdated to you, but I'm talking about the 4th of July party, in the bathroom. I am bookmarking this! You can be sure of that!
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February 6, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Wow. A realy great story line, can't wait for mor! When do you think you'll next update? I've been checking everyday!! :)
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February 5, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Good stuff as usual, keep updating please. Love that this has substance and plot.
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February 1, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Wow, so much happened in this story. iwas totally convinced they dont like eachother anymore :( NOOO. WHY?! dont do that :( poor li, i still feel bad for him.. omg. whats going ot happen now? hows the divorce gonna affect hem? ! OMGGGG. NOOO. i want a happy sappy ending !GRRRRR> i am always waiting for a reply :)
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January 31, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Hmm, rarely. But at least I saw no transposed your/you'res this time around, so I can see you're really trying. Affect, however, is a verb, and not a noun. Also, when someone refers to their father as 'Dad', it's capitalized. Don't get snitty because I'm pointing out mistakes, I wouldn't bother to do it if your story wasn't worth reading.
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January 2, 2009 at 12:00 AM
AWWW. this is so heart breaking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can`t bear it . and i cant imagine whats going to happen next! .................... and how muchi might cry! :( this is one of the best cardcaptor story i`ve ever read!! update soon! i`ll be waiting. and omg ... sakura.. she is so gonna regret pushing him away :(. but i understand what she means ..is it really worth ti risk it when everythings so uncertain .. but i dont know. sighs* . see, how it got me so riled up!
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December 29, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Ah, okay. This isn't going to be one of those breathlessly delighted reviews, and I can't claim to be the world's most sensitive critic. But I liked the story well enough to keep reading, and it certainly bugs the hell out of me when I see my hit count climbing with no reviews to show for it, so it's my turn to step up. You deserve to know what I think of the story if I get to spend hours reading your hard work.
So I'll get the bad stuff out of the way first. Your grasp of grammar is fairly solid, but you're relying on spellcheck too much. You have way too many transposed YOURs and YOU'REs for me to believe you even proofread through it once. If you're not sure which one is which, always mentally substitute 'you are' for 'you're', and that will help clarify. You also have a strange habit of using a comma instead of a period to end a sentence when it's inside a quotation. If it's the end of a sentence, it gets a period, quotations or not.
The bigger problem is what you've done to the characters. It's one thing to write an AU and reorganize the relationships and personal histories, but this total personality overhaul on the part of so many characters is distracting and depressing. We all gravitated to CCS for various reasons, and many don't enjoy watching a sweet and lovable girl that they thought they knew suddenly bitching and snapping at everyone. Tomoyo is so self-absorbed it's almost ludicrous, given that her biggest personality trait in the show was her total obsession with someone other than herself. And it's impossible to reconcile Sakura's kind parents with the cruel, emotionally abusive characters in your story. Moreover, the things Nadeshiko and Fujitaka say to Sakura are so horrible it makes me want to stop reading. And what's up with the Kinomoto family celebrating the Fourth of July? Is this supposed to be in America?
The good news is that your writing is solid. You have the right instincts for how to organize plot structure, no easy task, and ditto for the organization of each chapter. You move through the scenes with the proper pacing, and your sentence structure is varied, with smooth transitions. It's readable, to put it succintly. If it was its own story, with the individual characters bearing names of your creation instead of 'Sakura', 'Syaoran', and 'Tomoyo', I'd be complimenting you on a project well done. As it stands, it's still better than 90% of the stories in this section (it's a pervy rape fest!), and I won't stop reading. I'd like it if you took the things I said and considered them for your next story, and not any kind of incentive to quit writing altogether. That would be a waste.
So I'll get the bad stuff out of the way first. Your grasp of grammar is fairly solid, but you're relying on spellcheck too much. You have way too many transposed YOURs and YOU'REs for me to believe you even proofread through it once. If you're not sure which one is which, always mentally substitute 'you are' for 'you're', and that will help clarify. You also have a strange habit of using a comma instead of a period to end a sentence when it's inside a quotation. If it's the end of a sentence, it gets a period, quotations or not.
The bigger problem is what you've done to the characters. It's one thing to write an AU and reorganize the relationships and personal histories, but this total personality overhaul on the part of so many characters is distracting and depressing. We all gravitated to CCS for various reasons, and many don't enjoy watching a sweet and lovable girl that they thought they knew suddenly bitching and snapping at everyone. Tomoyo is so self-absorbed it's almost ludicrous, given that her biggest personality trait in the show was her total obsession with someone other than herself. And it's impossible to reconcile Sakura's kind parents with the cruel, emotionally abusive characters in your story. Moreover, the things Nadeshiko and Fujitaka say to Sakura are so horrible it makes me want to stop reading. And what's up with the Kinomoto family celebrating the Fourth of July? Is this supposed to be in America?
The good news is that your writing is solid. You have the right instincts for how to organize plot structure, no easy task, and ditto for the organization of each chapter. You move through the scenes with the proper pacing, and your sentence structure is varied, with smooth transitions. It's readable, to put it succintly. If it was its own story, with the individual characters bearing names of your creation instead of 'Sakura', 'Syaoran', and 'Tomoyo', I'd be complimenting you on a project well done. As it stands, it's still better than 90% of the stories in this section (it's a pervy rape fest!), and I won't stop reading. I'd like it if you took the things I said and considered them for your next story, and not any kind of incentive to quit writing altogether. That would be a waste.
schedule
September 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
YAY AN UPDATE! and aw................... I feel so bad for li: (.! that was so sad ..............that was really sad :(. poor li. SIGHS*,
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September 6, 2008 at 12:00 AM
awww, still no update? i've been checking almost eveeryday :(