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October 16, 2014 at 12:00 AM
....what the heck did I just read? o.0 Constructively...perhaps you should show more attention to developing the tension between the characters? It would explain their actions a little better than they had. It would also be interesting if you wrote more about the connection between Pip and Ceras (being in her head MUST be an interesting experience, especially at such a time) There is potential to expand on the story.
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January 20, 2011 at 12:00 AM
The language is very good. Descriptive, its easy to tell what is going on. The style lends greatly to the PWP type of story.
The formatting is odd. Spacing and grouping into paragraphs would make it easier to read. There are a few spelling and grammatical errors. Mostly removing 'e's before 'ing's. Nothing immersion breaking. Firefox has an English spell-check available for it. It may be of use.
Overall the story is very well written and, quite simply, works. Don't be discouraged by the lack of reviews.
The formatting is odd. Spacing and grouping into paragraphs would make it easier to read. There are a few spelling and grammatical errors. Mostly removing 'e's before 'ing's. Nothing immersion breaking. Firefox has an English spell-check available for it. It may be of use.
Overall the story is very well written and, quite simply, works. Don't be discouraged by the lack of reviews.
schedule
July 3, 2010 at 12:00 AM
We freakin loved it! Support Seras/Hans all the way!