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April 23, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I read your 4 chapter story and wanted to thank you for all your effort in writing this story. I noticed that you said you have a beta now which is very good. I do hope you will continue writing. Keisuke and Takumi are so often overlooked even though they have the better sparks so to say. I do advise a grammar check so that you can correct tense shifts and a few other minor problems I noticed. Otherwise, I hope you will at some point pick this story up again. My advice: give Takumi an opening to talk to the brothers and say I can't choose and give them his reason. It would make the story all the more interesting if he faces them and speaks his mind.
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April 20, 2013 at 12:00 AM
omg so ryosuke saw them kissing!! I can't wait to find out what happens, I like keisuke a lot, he's the wilder one. I hope more drama keeps happening but I Would like it if at the end Takumi picks keisuke...Looking forward to the next update!
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June 12, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I love your story!!!~
|Please update soon! Poor Ryosuke I feel bad for him.. but I must admit the idea of a three-some wasn't that bad *claps*
Nice!!~
xoxo
Fumi
|Please update soon! Poor Ryosuke I feel bad for him.. but I must admit the idea of a three-some wasn't that bad *claps*
Nice!!~
xoxo
Fumi
schedule
February 20, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Well Takumi is as indecisive as ever... What a pain...
Honestly I think he should lean more towards Keisuke! IMO they would just do so well together... I mean they do end up being the two main stars of the show later on after all. Ryosuke still kinds creeps me but from the looks of things there's plenty of drama lined up for the story. It's making me wonder if someone's going to do something crazy if Takumi doesn't make some kind of decision soon.
And thanks for mentioning me in the second chapter! I'm glad to have helped with something! The story formatting looks a lot better now. The only thing left is a few typos but it's really not bad.
Hope your having fun writing the story, can't wait to see where it takes you!
Honestly I think he should lean more towards Keisuke! IMO they would just do so well together... I mean they do end up being the two main stars of the show later on after all. Ryosuke still kinds creeps me but from the looks of things there's plenty of drama lined up for the story. It's making me wonder if someone's going to do something crazy if Takumi doesn't make some kind of decision soon.
And thanks for mentioning me in the second chapter! I'm glad to have helped with something! The story formatting looks a lot better now. The only thing left is a few typos but it's really not bad.
Hope your having fun writing the story, can't wait to see where it takes you!
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February 13, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Gomen~! I thought I put one up already! XD I'll just add it up there, thank you for your help!
schedule
February 11, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Yay, Initial D yaoi!
I love Initial D, though it seems to have only a small cult following... Anyway...
OK, yeah a kind of slow opening, but it's best to ease readers into the scenario and pick things up once everyone is comfortable with everything going on. Honestly, Ryousuke has always kinda creeped me out. He's just so calm about EVERYTHING... it's not natural... But from the description of the story, I'd say Keisuke is going to be a just a little peeved when he finds out why exactly it was Ryo shooed him away. Things could get very interesting from there.
I do have to mention that the story could benefit from some proofreading, but honestly what story wouldn't? I did think the opening was a little short and didn't give me enough time to really get immersed in what is going on. Maybe a few more details... or just going on a bit longer could fix that. I'm sure it'll feel better once a second chapter is posted. Oh and the other thing too is it would be nice to see the paragraphs spaced out. It just makes it easier to follow since aff.net doesn't retain formatting that people actually use in their word processors.
Good luck! And hope to see more soon!
I love Initial D, though it seems to have only a small cult following... Anyway...
OK, yeah a kind of slow opening, but it's best to ease readers into the scenario and pick things up once everyone is comfortable with everything going on. Honestly, Ryousuke has always kinda creeped me out. He's just so calm about EVERYTHING... it's not natural... But from the description of the story, I'd say Keisuke is going to be a just a little peeved when he finds out why exactly it was Ryo shooed him away. Things could get very interesting from there.
I do have to mention that the story could benefit from some proofreading, but honestly what story wouldn't? I did think the opening was a little short and didn't give me enough time to really get immersed in what is going on. Maybe a few more details... or just going on a bit longer could fix that. I'm sure it'll feel better once a second chapter is posted. Oh and the other thing too is it would be nice to see the paragraphs spaced out. It just makes it easier to follow since aff.net doesn't retain formatting that people actually use in their word processors.
Good luck! And hope to see more soon!