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for Crimson Eyes COMPLETE REWRITE

by Iphora

person Iphora
schedule May 5, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Thank you! I do try to do that, but I used to do alot of roleplaying and got sloppy with these things. Its a bad habit.

Thanks again for your input!
schedule May 3, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I read the original and i can see this is better than the first

One change I would suggest is to start a new paragraph when a different person starts talking. Other than that, good job!

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