rate_review Reviews

Though there are times when I dislike Akane, I don't think she got what she deserved. I kind of wished Ranma had busted in or someone and saved her. It's still a good porn fic, well written and all, good job.

This whole mess was fucked up 6 ways till Sunday.

Please keep up the work. I have been reading since your first post of the story and perhaps it is time to begin to draw it to a close. if there is one thing no one wants it is a cliff hanger for thing is a story and thus must follow the guidelines of a story. Just something to mull over.

Akane's a bitch and this is exactly what she deserves. Good show.

this is a very well written story. but admittedly, it began to wind down about halfway through.

while i don't agree with m's overall assessment about a story going stagnate due to its sheer length (and his tone sounds rather bias against the dark subject matter...just sayin'), his observation about how this one is being drawn out, and suffering as a result, is sound. but again, this is not due to length, but rather a superfluous effort to maintain the status quo--as he pointed out.

too many characters have been introduced for such a contained situation. While you've been diligent in considering exactly whom you're willing to involve (see also: removing nabiki, amazons, soun, genma), there seems to be reoccurring instances of character intros that are simply unnecessarily. it leaves far too many loose ends to include a bevy of extraneous characters that, in the end, you end up feeling you must acknowledge multiple times. the doctor and the librarian are very good examples of this. neither of them need anything more than a peripheral glance and/or a brief mention by akane every now and again (although it would be particularly hot if you explored the whoring aspect that the doctor poses to akane somewhat before excusing him completely). hiroshi served well as a source of side trysts for akane, but involving him as anything more than a backdoor man awkwardly crowds things--same for daisuke. i realize you came up with a decent reason for them being there, but bringing them into the fold as mainstream characters was still very forced. the 'pretend rape' where akane was ordering them around was good, but aside from that, they serve no purpose and are rather uninteresting. and then there's kodachi, the presence of whom has no discernible place or role beyond what you imply will be developed--which only makes her seem like a throw-in. either stop adding characters or trim the leaves.

there is a severe problem with clashing plot-devices. being a writer who's trying to add a great deal of plot to an erotic piece, it may not be too apparent to you that this is a fic about rape and misery. no doubt that it can and will have a resolution that may or may not be somewhat positive, but it won't involve a reset button that will nullify the effects of the conflict. despite this however, you're including and detailing the particulars of an unabashed "love conquers all" romantic relationship in the midst of hardcore rape, all out slavery, and brainwashing. however unorthodox its execution may be according to the scenario, it simply does not fit--at least not with ranma as a guy. the relationship doesn't work in the atmosphere of this story without a corrupting factor from within it. in the case of akane fooling around with ranma as a girl, the corrupting factor is akane feeling very dominant towards her and having her do very unmanly, very girlish, very slutty things. in the case of ranma being a guy, the only corrupting factor was her frustration at his premature ejaculations--which was well done by the way. but with that gone, the relationship's orthodox nature poses an inappropriate juxtaposition to everything else, which is only aggravated by scenes of levity with innocuous foreshadowing of character development that's tangential to the actual conflict (see also: ranma talking about training akane, talking about going to college and running the dojo, training hiroshi and daisuke, etc.). of course their subjugation could be argued to be a corrupting factor, but it's applied more as an obstacle than an internal fetishistic issue originating from either character.

compounding the issue is your apparent desire for this romantic relationship to be seen to the very end even though you have it being subverted by the combined efforts of hikaru, akane, and ryouga to get ranma so acquainted with his female side that he'll either prefer being feminine and submissive or simply lose all inhibitions AS a female. if you're so dead set on a romantic relationship, why bother trying to stress a coerced sex life as a female? they just don't fit cohesively. you need to go balls out on either one or the other, and quite frankly it fits the decor a lot better for ranma to be simply turned into a feminine, submissive tramp by akane, hikaru, etc. to be fair, when you had hikaru make akane give him a blowjob in front of ranma, that was a good way of adding a corrupt netorare factor to the couple, but that too would be better executed as an aspect of a scheme by akane than merely a one-sided gesture by hikaru.

pariah had a pretty good idea to best execute this development and fix the story problems: instead of ranma being so well endowed, it would have been better to characterize him with a small penis so that akane would feel frustrated and find herself preferring her rapists to ranma (by some story-twist, you might still be able to pull this off). this would, in turn, motivate her to change the dynamics of their relationship and subconsciously (if not consciously) help hikaru and ryouga reinforce her femininity so she could be in a relationship she'd actually get pleasure from. In the end, you'll still have the romance you want and it will mesh with the tone of the story as well as make it more erotic--which is something the fic is rather lacking in at times as the story progresses.

now from a literary perspective, what i think would strengthen this story more is an emphasis on individual characters again. the best writing for this story was offered during the first half when you concentrated all of your attention on one character and how the effects of the given situation were beginning to show in his or her character. for example, akane has definitely become more shameless and brazen. although partially obscured, her inner slut is being channeled more and more as she loses herself in the idea of seeing ranma passed around to the guys. obviously you wouldn't have her go full floozy and unapologetically act like a whore to everyone, but you should explore how her character makes more and more concessions as she delves further into other people's depravity.

if you REALLY wanna fix this story though, i would honestly suggest a rewrite. not a huge overhaul mind you, just change some stuff here and there, drop some episodes completely, re-tool others, and then just read through it again real quick to make sure its chronology is polished. you would keep most of the length (sans four to five chapters at the most) and the story would be pretty much intact but with a more robust cast and coherent goal.

I'm horrible for reading this. I'm hoping she doesn't end up with Ranma and instead one of the guys and Ranma ends up with...I don't know surprise me? I really want a twist instead of Akane/Ranma love beats all they are normal again ending.

You want to know why it is likely taking you so long to get chapters put out?

It is likely because this story has completely stalled. So, Ryoga (and others) comes up with new ways to rape, degrade and demean Ranma and Akane. Been there, done that. It is just beating the same dead horse, just using a different instrument to do it.

The problem with this story is that you are trying to make it two different things. And it is pretty much failing at both, instead of excelling at either.

On one hand you have the foundation for a truly good story with an adult theme. The idea of this happening to Ranma and Akane and how they would deal with it is a decent story idea. But you have completely jumped the tracks by doing several things, but the worst is endlessly (and quickly becoming boringly) drawing out any sort of resolution. There is a reason that tv shows only run so long, after a while their need to maintain the status quo makes them boring. Your story has reached that point. I have gotten to the point that I only peruse your new chapters to see if anything interesting might have happened. Unfortunately, since Ryoga's usurping the title of lead asshole, nothing has.

The other side of this story is pure jackoff material. That is fine, and judging from some of the reviews decrying any sort of resolution, what some are looking for. The problem with this is that jackoff material only needs to be so long, and nobody really cares about plot. Watch any porn movie to see the truth of that. For those that get off on S&M your early chapters were more than adequate, and quite frankly better done. It was more interesting when Akane wasn't a slut. And the whole let's turn Ranma into a slut. Well, again been there, done that already in this story. Just replacing Akane with Ranma doesn't make it better.

Truthfully, I have read similar stories in both types that were done better than yours, simply because they didn't try to do both.

"Her War" by Materia-Blade deals with the rape and attempted breaking of Ranma-chan in a very evocative and well written fashion. There are sexual elements to it, but it is not masturbation material. It is a story with adult themes and a fairly well done one, at least until he goes bonkers with the whole OC love interest. But on a whole, there is an actual plot that advances. Ranma has highs and lows in her torture and there is an element of suspense to the whole thing. There is no suspense in your story after Akane turns into a slut. The only question now is what perverted thing are Ranma and Akane going to be subjected to now? My usual response? "Who cares. Nothing interesting happened. Go back to an earlier chapter and get off when it was interesting."

"Dust Red" on Unending BE deals with Hikaru "training" Akane in a very much masturbation material way. It is short, to the point, and unfortunately even manages to capture a more accurate portrayal of what Akane would do in this case.

At this point, I really don't know what to say. If you have a plot somewhere in there that you care about get on with it. These endless and time wasting masturbation moments are killing the plot. If there is no plot. I would suggest dropping this story and writing stand alone stories with the masturbation material that you want. Then at least is easier for the reader to find the particular section they are looking for, and the plot doesn't need to distract so much from the desired goal.

Well, good luck with whatever you decide to do. I guess that I will keep skimming the story just in case you actually get to something worthwhile, plot-wise, before you get bored with the endless spinning of the wheels and just give up on the story.

Now I can't speak for anyone else who'e writing a review to this story. But it seems to be a bit silly to hold the reviews to a different standard than the writer. I could understand why someone would be disgusted with this sort of story. I for one detest torture porn, the sort of thing you see in the Saw movies and their ilk. But you go online and you'll find people who laude the movies and get all excited about certain scenes. I don't believe that those people are just waiting to lure someone down into their basement so they can torture them to death. Some part of the fantasy appeals to them and they respond to that.

For me there is a diconect between the events in fantasy porn, and stories that are written in a real world context that feature sexual abuse. I find the fantasy erotic, and can imagine playing out scenes with a loved one. In the real life depictions my frequent reaction is an ardent wish to step into the story and do sundry terrible and vicious things to the rapist.

If you are reading this story, and enjoy it in the context it is offered, don't you think it's a bit unfair to believe that the other people who are reading it are doing it because they are sick and disgusting?

Now there are sick people out there, and it is not beyond the bounds of posibility that some of the people reading this and reviewing are that sort. But those sort make up a tiny minority and it would be unlikly, statistically, to think that one of them is commenting on this story. There are far sicker sites and stories that would attrack the attention of that sort.

For me I'm always glad to find a story like this that at its core is unrealistic and I can treat it as silly fantasy. For someone like me who enjoys forced sex fantasy that is done tongue in cheek there are very few stories that I can enjoy.

This story did start out a bit too realistic for my comfort to tell the truth. but once the stage was set, so to speak, it became much more enjoyable. I hope it continues for many more chapters. And I hope the Author is inspired to continue with other stories once this one is done.

This is completely self-righteous of me, so go ahead and ignore it. But I needed to say it anyway. I'm no stranger to non-consensual erotic material. Practically the first website I ever visitex period is the Erotic Mind Control Story Archive. I've read all kinds of vile hentai. So the material does not especially shock me, though it is indeed ridiculously brutal.

That said, what does genuinely disturb me is the tone and sentiment of damn near every review for this story. I'm not sure I've ever seen so many people genuinely reveling in the absolute pits of human degradation. Yes, it's a damn story, but come the hell on already. Ruining other human beings is *not* a good thing. Period. But if I'm to take many of these reviewers at face value, being able to truly crush another human being (the girl they could never get, perhaps?) would be their greatest dream come true. The story never made me sick to my stomach, but the reviews certainly did.

I don't think I can read reviews here anymore, or else I'll end up entirely too repulsed to visit the site at all anymore.

I have to admit that I felt a bit sorry for Kodachi, until I remembered she'd brought it on herself. And in this sort of world what happened to her was her own darn fault.

However Kodachi is not the sort to hide in the closet. She's going to seriously try for some payback, and that could lead to interesting situations. She's also in love with the idea of being in love, even if has no idea what true love is. I'm sure her affection will soon be directed at another target. Personally I'm hoping for the brave and courageous Ukyou. As seen through the filter of Kodachi's delusion.

Ranma traped, even if only by her own ego. I'm a fan of Ranma being stuck as a girl so I'm all for this. I am wondering how she's going to cope with the emotional impact of living as a girl in this situation when she can't get a shot of male hormones to balance out what her female body is dealing with.