rate_review Reviews

Bit of advice you should add some paragraph breaks so the story doesn't seem so menacing.

Paragraphs. Use them. I couldn't read the story because everything is so compacted that it just hurts trying to read through it. Punctuation is another big deal; your sentences go for lines without a break, and they could easily be cut up and made much more readable. As for now, I can't comment on the actual content because the formatting makes it unreadable. "Rough" is an understatement.
I reccomend finding a beta reader or something, because you're rocky in areas that tend to be instant "nos" for people who can't sit through the wall of text.