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person BeinBow

schedule August 9, 2012 at 12:00 AM

You keep switching from first to third-person in the narration. Don't do that. Stick with one.

person Fate1011987

schedule June 7, 2011 at 12:00 AM

AWWWWWWWW!!! That's so freakin' adorable!!! Personally, Osaka is one of my favorite characters. The way you wrote the story in the first person really worked well.

person Jocko

schedule January 15, 2011 at 12:00 AM

This was really cute. Nice job. :)

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