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July 19, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Perfect, everything I've come to expect of a story from you
You capture a lot of the action better than I feel I could have, and definitely without being as longwinded. Just the right length, really.
The scene switch was just a hair jarring, so you probably could have done without moving her or moved her earlier.
Good job keeping track of who was who and where and doing what, btw. I know that's the biggest challenge in any fic like this.
You capture a lot of the action better than I feel I could have, and definitely without being as longwinded. Just the right length, really.
The scene switch was just a hair jarring, so you probably could have done without moving her or moved her earlier.
Good job keeping track of who was who and where and doing what, btw. I know that's the biggest challenge in any fic like this.