rate_review Reviews

I noticed this earlier and finally got around to reading it. It's good, decent. Reminds me a bit of a few other Pokemon stories I've read. Since the Buneary and Lopunny combo is so common among the most loved Pokemon among Pokephiles, such a fact is not really a surprise. Like an earlier reviewer commented, I loved the start of the first chapter, discribing things before the character was even born.

Later chapters, the battle was alright. The guy with the Cyndaquil, now Quilava, certainly makes a good main villian or person to hate in the story. But the whole professor "You're not a trainer till you get your Pokedex" made little sense, since the fifth game had a fight long before the Pokedex was obtained. But different region, different rules.

Overall I like it so far. Keep producing good work like this dude. Looking forward to the next chapter. Good luck.

For your first sexual scene i say you've done a pretty fine job; you didnt go too far with it since obviously the character's only 12 and its highly unlikely a 12 year old would know absolutely everything there is about the deed. you'll find as well as you continue writing these sort of scenes your imagination will broaden and soon you'll come up with a ton of ideas. its all down to practice, and from how well this one worked; you're not going to have too many problems.

One bit of advice? since your character im assuming is a self-insert it'll be easier to write scenes if you imagined yourself in the situation: what would you want done to you, what would you do to them, what really gets your blood going; that sort of thing and most important of all: do not be afraid to imagine, since creativity is key to writing scenes with the best possible results; read any other Pokemon fic on here and you'll see what i mean but i bet you already have xD

Keep at it! im looking forward to what you come up with ^-^

PhoenixHelix
"Invoking the flames within since 1988!"