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February 25, 2016 at 12:00 AM
OMG this story is epic!!!!!! Please post more!!!
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October 5, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Whoa. Holy shit. This is truly amazing. So amazing, in fact, that I have to give you one of my super-reviews that only happen every once in a while.
I love Rowan's character; she has a unique background that's just mysterious enough that there are surprises without being too incredible or complex. She's interesting and the way you reveal bits of her lifestyle and past is great. I also like how she fits well with Stein's character without being too obviously "provided" by the author. It doesn't feel like she was made just for Stein, which is really cool, because she's the ideal experiment and the right kind of mad to boot.
I like your Stein. I can see the canon character thinking like that and having such a history; you flow with the original pretty well.
The characters that we've heard of in canon but have never seen or have only seen briefly are really nebulous when mentioned as being involved in the main events of your story, which is a bit confusing and uncomfortable. I think you could probably come up with a way to actually make clear just who your version of Kami is without making it feel like a narrator is explaining shit. The canon doesn't flesh out that character enough on its own for you to just randomly throw out her name and expect me to picture her in my mind. To a lesser degree, this is also true with Wes, but his interactions with Soul lately have brought him into sharper focus, so he's good. This is probably my only real criticism.
You write really good naughty bits. They come naturally to the story, and when they do, it's fan-fucking-tastic. I'm always like 'holy shit that was fucking amazing, where are the other stories by this author' whenever you write one of those. Don't know how you do it.
Anyway, that's what I have to say right now, but I may comment again in the future. I look forward to the next chapter!
I love Rowan's character; she has a unique background that's just mysterious enough that there are surprises without being too incredible or complex. She's interesting and the way you reveal bits of her lifestyle and past is great. I also like how she fits well with Stein's character without being too obviously "provided" by the author. It doesn't feel like she was made just for Stein, which is really cool, because she's the ideal experiment and the right kind of mad to boot.
I like your Stein. I can see the canon character thinking like that and having such a history; you flow with the original pretty well.
The characters that we've heard of in canon but have never seen or have only seen briefly are really nebulous when mentioned as being involved in the main events of your story, which is a bit confusing and uncomfortable. I think you could probably come up with a way to actually make clear just who your version of Kami is without making it feel like a narrator is explaining shit. The canon doesn't flesh out that character enough on its own for you to just randomly throw out her name and expect me to picture her in my mind. To a lesser degree, this is also true with Wes, but his interactions with Soul lately have brought him into sharper focus, so he's good. This is probably my only real criticism.
You write really good naughty bits. They come naturally to the story, and when they do, it's fan-fucking-tastic. I'm always like 'holy shit that was fucking amazing, where are the other stories by this author' whenever you write one of those. Don't know how you do it.
Anyway, that's what I have to say right now, but I may comment again in the future. I look forward to the next chapter!