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March 15, 2015 at 12:00 AM
I just wanted to offer some constructive criticism. The story has a good premise and could work very well but the language and flow leave much to be desired. It is okay to call a penis a penis and a vagina a vagina. If this is a PWP it can be a hot and steamy story that can have a reader panting. I'd suggest finding a beta reader to edit your writing and help with the flow and the language you use.