rate_review Reviews

Another very good story. Moka's nightmare was a little graphic, but all in all very good. I'm looking forward to reading the next one!

That was a good heartfelt story, I really enjoyed it and now I have to wait for the next one, try not to take too long getting to it oniigieshimasu! Now for a little critique: You my friend are a very good writer, but you have a bad habit of adding unnecessary things to already complete sentence. I'll give you one example from the end of the last chapter: He shut his eyes to stem the flow of tears/from his eyes. You see where I added the forward slash? Your sentence was complete at that point; everything else was unnecessary. If you work on refining this, you'll find that you're writing will flow more smoothly. If you like you can ask and I would be happy too point out other examples of this in your writing. Thanks for the great stories and keep up the hard work!

I have to admit I do not like where this series has gone to. I know that this is your series and you can do whatever you like with it but I have to admit I came here for the fun and smutty stories that the first few stories were about but not this doom and gloom turn it has taken. This new turn just seems kinda outta turn and almost stapled on. I honestly thought this was just gonna be a big dream sequence and you would get back to the normal plot later. Have to admit I am a lot less interested going forward.

This is really good story content looking forward to the next chapter!

Another Chapter beautifully executed.

Hey really good work with these chapters. Just found it a little unsettling that Moka would consider these thoughts(guess it kind of fits the theme). Hope to see more.

Over all I liked this one much better. The part that MAKES it for me is Inner Moka's plan to 'throw herself' at Tsukune. That she is so insecure that she will in effect stoop to Kurumu's tactics is so funny and perhaps so in character for how you have portrayed her. This outwardly strong but deeply fragile vampire that above all else simply wants to be loved and yet doesn't know how to show the same. Would love it if you jumped straight to that. Over all this chapter again fits well with a theme of deeper inner fears. I have a solution to your posting issues just put the rest of the chapters up all together and ASAP. Just to get that off your plate you see. ;)

Again another excellent chapter. I must admit though...I am really hating Moka now. I truly hope this whole thing resolves itself somehow. Either way nice job! By the way, not sure if anyone else noticed, but if you take into account all of the girls Tsukune has in his little Harem (7 total with Kokoa, Ruby, and Inner Moka), Tsukune would have 1 girl for every day of the week. So technically, all of them could have him fairly. Just a thought.

That was another really good chapter! Mocha was terrifying, and you couldn't have time to the arrival of Tsukune any better. His reaction to what she had done as well as her reaction to his reaction couldn't have been written any better. As always Ko-bat was hilarious! I'm starting to think he might be my favorite character in the whole series. Lol The sequence after she woke up was just as compelling I can't wait to see her implement her new tactics. I could see it coming off as either very funny or very erotic depending on how you choose to write it.

Love your series tsukane/harem is my favorite ship followed by tsukane/kumuru speaking of harem go check out "here in my arms" on fan fiction.net awesome read