I got an idea, for what's to come(no pun intended) if you continue this story, and that's having Asuna do something slutty with Kuradeel, which, story wise, would tragically lead to his obsession towards her.
Love the idea, you are hitting all the right buttons with your pitch.
But seriously, the execution is terrible, like really bad. Even a half assed proof read would do this wonders.
It was also rather boring, too vanilla, considering the setting of the story.
I hope there are gangbangs in the near future.
Can't wait for the next chapter :)
verry good can you do more netorare stories in others universes like dbz fairy tail bleach naruto and harry potter that would be good :)
I like the concept but you REALLY nee to proof read and spell check before you post, parts were all but unreadable at times
A good and unique start and one that I look forward to seeing develop. There are so many interesting directions you can take this depending on how much of and what kind of a slut you want Asuna to become. The only complaint is that you NEED to proofread. Even just a simple run through a spell/grammer check would help a lot. That said I look forward to chapter 2.