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Desperate Heart	By : Sanomi Category: +. to F > Fushigi Yuugi Views: 1889 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
Author�s Note: Yep, I got inspired to do ANOTHER fic! I
don�t know how that happened! >.<;;; I was trying to stick with the ones
I had already thought up.... *sigh* Whichever muse is responsible must be
punished!! OHOHOHOHOHOHO!

Disclaimer: Don�t own, can�t buy, have no money, don�t
sue!

~*~*~*~

Desperate Heart

By Sanomi

Chapter One: One Star, One Lonely Moon

~*~*~*~

I was pissed. Ok, not really pissed, since I�m too controlled to really let myself get angry. But I was very much not happy. First they shut off the electricity in my apartment because my payment was late, and then I got fired!

Bastards... If I don�t have a job, how the hell am I supposed to pay rent, let alone electricity?! Well, rent wasn�t due for another month, so I had about 30 days to find a job.

Still, life sucked.

And I was inclined to repeat that, when someone ran right into me. As if everything wasn�t bad enough! �Watch where you�re going,� I snarled at the girl.

�Hotohori? Oh my god, Hotohori!�

Great, a psycho chick who thinks I�m someone else. �I don�t know who the hell you�re talkin� about.� I brushed by her and continued on my way.

�No, wait, please! You�re Hotohori aren�t you?� She looked at me pleadingly. �I know it�s you! I could recognize you anywhere.�

I snorted and gave her my best glare. �I�ve never met you before in my life, and I don�t know who the hell you�re talking about, so buzz off!�

Her brown eyes filled with tears and she swayed on her feet. �Don�t you remember me, Hoto... hori...� She keeled over, fainted dead away.

�What the hell!?�

Life sucked.

~*~*~*~

Taka was getting worried about Miaka. She said she was going out to get some ice cream, but she�d been gone far too long.

There was a thump at the door. a kna knock, but the kind of thump you get from kicking at the door when your hands are too full to knock. Taka sighed in relief. *That* was why she was so late. He only hoped she didn�t by out the whole store.

So he went to the door and opened it. �What the--?!�

A young man with dark unkempt hair and a burning gaze stood at the door with Miaka in his arms. Taka stared.

The young man glared back. �Are you going to take her, or shall I just drop her here? Your girlfriend�s heavy.�

Taka blinked and held out his arms. Carefully setting her down in their bedroom, he turned back to see the man walking away. �Hey, wait!�

�What do you want?�

�I just... Could you at least tell me what happened?� He didn�t know why he was being so polite. If anyone else found their wife unconscious in another man�s arms, they�d definitely jump to conclusions. And yet, Taka knew that Miaka was as safe with this man as she would be with him.

The man raised his eyebrows slightly, like he didn�t believe him, but after a moment nodded and stepped inside.

�Here, have a seat.� Taka gestured to the couch. �So what happened?�

�Did you know your girlfriend is insane?�

�What?� That wasn�t very nice. Miaka was a little... strange... at times, but not insane.

�She ran into me, then started babbling about me being someone she knew, I told her I�d never seen her before in my life, she passed out, I searched her purse for a et, et, it had your card in it, with hearts drawn all over it, so I figured the address on the card was for someone that I could drop her off with.� He glared at Taka, almost like he was daring him to disbelieve.

�Who did she think you were...�

�Saihitei,� the man supplied. �She kept on calling me... Hono... Hoto... Hotohogi, or something like that.�

Taka paled. �Hotohori?�

Saihitei nodded. �Yeah, I think that�s it.�

Come to think of it... the man, Saihitei, did look a lot like Hotohori. Same facial features, same piercing amber-gold eyes, same arrogant bearing. Why didn�t he see it before?

Because he didn�t *act* anything like Hotohori, that�s why. Colder, harsher, downright unfriendly. How could the kind, gentle emperor from before be reduced to this... this... badass!

Taka busied himself, bustling around the kitchen. �Would you like some tea? Or maybe coffee?�

Saihitei watched him nearly drop the cups a few times anid, id, �Tea, I think, would be best.� Calmly taking the cups from him and sitting Taka down on a stool. He filled the teakettle with water and set it to heat, finding the tea leaves with minimal difficulty.

The former ogre seishi watched the other setting everything up competently. *This* was Hotohori. No matter how bad he tried to act, he really was a good person at heart. �Thank you,� Taka said quietly when Saihitei handed him his cup of tea.

The man he was *sure* now was Hotohori shrugged uncomfortably. �If you dropped the cups, you�d wake her up and I don�t want to deal with that psycho chick.�

Taka smiled. Riiiiiight.

�Look, I gotta go. I hope your girlfriend gets better, etc, etc. Oh, and here�s your card.� Saihitei held out Taka�s business cards that Miaka had drawn little pink hearts all over.

�It�s okay, you can keep that.�

The other man stared the Taka incredulously. �You�re kidding, right? No way I�m taking something with hearts all over it!�

�Ah, sorry, I forgot.� Taka took Miaka�s and handed Saihitei a new one from a pile on the table. �Here. Take it.�

The ex-emperor stared at him like he�s grown a second head and said with a great deal of suspicion, �What for?�

�You helped Miaka. I owe you, so if something happens, call me. I�ll do whatever I can to help.� Seeing the other�s hesitation, he insisted. �Please? Just take it.�

Saihitei held back a moment longer, and then accepted the card and pocketed it. He was out the door, and gone before Taka could say good-bye.

Taka shook his head ruefully. Miaka would be mad that he didn�t make Hotohori stay, but what could he do? He could tell �Saihitei� wasn�t the type to mess around with. Even though Taka was a martial arts champion, Saihitei was apparently a street-bred sort of person. Unpredictable, not afraid to fight dirty, do whatever it takes to win. Taka got the feeling that anyone who dared to pick a fight with that one, would walk away the loser.

If he could still walk, that is.

~*~*~*~

I fully intended to throw that card away. Look, I was walking by a trashcan right now, all I had to do was take it out of my pocket.... Okay, walked right by it. Well there�s another one coming up, take the card out the pocket and get ready to toss... Why weren�t my hands moving? All I could do was walk.

Right, left, right, left, stop, look both ways, cross the street, right, left.

I realized my feet were taking me home. That�s okay, there�s a garbage there too.

But I got the feeling the card would stay in my pocket for a while...

Home. A shitty, little apartment with peeling gray-blue walls, tiny bathroom, tiny kitchen, and a bedroom that doubled as a living room.

As I opened the door, I noticed the evidence of another attempted break-in. I smirked. No one had managed to get into my apartment for years.

With a sigh I took off my leather jacket (the one I�d had to save for three years to get) and set it on the back of a chair. Glancing at the clock, I decided it wasn�t too early to go to bed, and headed to the bathroom.

Dressed in the old T-shirt and shorts that served as pajamas, I brushed my teeth and looked into the mirror. What a weird day it had been.

What was that man�s name? Taka, I remembered his card had said. There was something about him... It intrigued me. What was it?

He wasn�t afraid of me. He wasn�t afraid of me? He... wasn�t afraid...

That was impossible. Everyone was afraid of me. It was an image I had purposefully cultivated.

How could he not be afraid, not be angry? I had shown up with his girlfriend unconscious in my arms! That�s why I tried to leave as soon as possible. I didn�t need him yelling and trying to start a fight.

But instead he politely invited me in, listened to what I said, and seemed to even believe me.

That was a first.

I spat out the toothpaste and rinsed my mouth. Then I looked critically at the mirror. No, I hadn�t lost my �tough� image.

My hair was long, nearly waist length, I always had to tie it back. Pretty messy, too, since I rarely had the time to brush it properly. At least it was clean, I couldn�t stand oily hair.

I was sort of tall, with broad shoulders. A bit too thin from infrequent meals, but with sinewy muscles from fights. Many scars from said fights, mostly on my arms and torso.

I tended to come across as a tough, savage street kid, which in truth I was. I was totally unapproachable and feared.

Intellectually, I knew I was attractive tny ony of the girls at my school, even some of the guys as well. But emotionally that concept was hard to grasp. How could anyone be attracted to me? I was disgusting. Revolting. People crossed the street rather then walk by me. I was used goods. I didn�t deserve to be loved.

There was a small part of me the said that it wasn�t always like this. *I* wasn�t always like this. I couldn�t remember a time before this, but something told me I�d had friends who I cared about, and who cared about me. I was beautiful...

I looked again at the mirror. With regular care, my hair could be like silk. And my facial structure wasn�t that bad. Tentatively, I smiled at the mirror and gasped at the change. That person in the mirror wasn�t me! That person looked respectable. The kind of person people could trust with their life. Scared, I looked away, when I glanced back, my customary scowl was in place and the stranger was gone.

~*~*~*~

~�What are you doing?! Leave me alone!� Scared. Looking for a way to escape.~

~�Shut up!� The horrible voice softens. �Be quiet and you won�t be hurt. You don�t want to get hurt do you? And mar your perfect beauty?�~

~A whimper. Why does he keep touching like that? It hurts. Disgusting man! Leave me alone! But he�s too big. I can�t stop him... No! Don�t! Choking sobs now. It hurts, go AWAY!~

~No, not again. Always when I�m alone. So long now... Was there a time beforese ese painful touches? I can�t remember. Suzaku, why? Oh, it hurts. It�s not fair! Just because I can�t remember, I KNOW there was a time before! Stop it! DON�T TOUCH ME! I�m bigger now, almost as big as you. I don�t have to be afraid. �LEAVE ME ALONE!�~

~He falls now. I pushed him away... It�s such a long way down...~

~�Saihitei! What have you done?!�~

~�He... he�s gone now. He hurt me. He said if I did what he wanted and he wouldn�t hurt me, but it hurt anyways... I HATE HIM! He deserved to die! And he�s dead now.� Tears falling... Are those mine? I didn�t know I remembered how to cry... �I wasn�t trying to kill him, I just wanted him to stop.� Why are they looking at me like that? They�re scared. Of me? They won�t come near me. Good! No one comes near! They stay away and I stay safe. They stay safe. People who come near hurt me. And then they die... Like mom and dad... so long ago, now... they died to sae...e... And Father Junan at the orphanage... I killed him... I killed him. Yes. I killed him... It was an accident, but I did it.~

~I look over the side of the building�s l�s long gone, but I can't forget the image of that broken and bleeding body...~

~*~*~*~

I threw off the covers and raced to the bathroom, heaving over the rim of the toilet. There goes lunch...

And always the same dream. Well, at least it had gone from every night to only once a moor sor so.

I rinsed my mouth out with shaking hands. Sitting on the floor to feel the cool tiles, I fell asleep and dreamt of being wrapped in the wings of a giant phoenix who soothed all my hurts away.

I didn�t remember that dream in the morning.
~*~*~*~
Ne, so how do you like it so far? >.

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Desperate Heart